i really like her a lot.. but she is my friend!! it hurts..

[tusharsolanki]

Hi all.. Well i am not new here.. have been helped a lot by some of the members of this forum before.. Those were some of the dark times.. The thing i wana say does not really belong to the break up forum. But i didn't really know where to post it.

 

So here it goes.. i'v been having some pretty strong feelings for this girl.. She has been a close friend since past 5-6 years.. Recently my feelings for her are becoming more profound.. we were together in college before. and now live in the same city.. we are both working though not in the same firm. we meet up regularly for tennis after office hours.

 

The thing is that she used to like a guy who was our common friend. but before things could go any further, the guy shifted to another city and developed a relationship with someone else there. So though nothing really started between them, she was quite heartbroken for some time. now she is over it. time heals all.

 

she has got a lot of friends, so do i. but we always end up going out together with friends or just us. its good that way.

 

But my past experiences have made me a practical guy. and i feel that she is not for me. she doesnt like me that way. and thats ok. i want to stop my self before my feeling get out of control and i end up destroying the friendship that we have. I am not being a coward. i am being a realist. she does not see me that way.

 

So please tell me how do i stop having those feelings for her. Somehow i feel the only way to do that is to go NC on her. which will hurt her, hurt me, and the truth will still some how get out. Please help.

[Chi townD]

You're not going to like it. But, you have to distance yourself from her until these romantic feelings for her go away. She may ask you why you've grown distant, if this happens then you're going to have to bite the bullet and tell her.

 

Tell her that over the course of time, you've developed feelings for her and you have to distance yourself from her in order to resolve these feelings because you're not being fair to you or her.

 

I don't see why she wouldn't understand that. AND WHO KNOWS!!! She might like the idea of dating you! Obviously you're fun to be around. You never know! Stranger things have happened!

[tusharsolanki]

Chitown D -

 

Thanks !! can always count on you for valuable advice!!

But the point being that whenever i start doing something like this.. then within a day or two.. she calls me up asks to hang out and go somewhere, i cant just say no and all the resolve of staying away from her goes to the pot. the strong feelings for her just take things over. everything about her just pulls me.

[Chi townD]

Then you got one choice here. Meet up with her and tell her what's been going on with you. Tell her that you're not trying to do this to make her feel uncomfortable and she didn't do anything to lead you on. Just convey that it wasn't her fault; it was something that just happened.

 

Then, tell her that there only one option. That you have to distance yourself from her for a while until these romantic feelings go away. Because if you can't have her as a partner, at least you value her friendship and the way you're feeling right now would put that at jeopardy.

 

No way of getting around it, that conversation might make her a little uncomfortable, but I can pretty much tell you that she would appreciate your honesty. Then, you can start NC. If she tries to contact you and you don't answer, well.....she'll know why now. No big secret.

 

 

Once you start NC start making some positive changes in your life. Because, dude, you don't have a lot of self-confidence. Look, I know I don't look like David Beckham, but I ain't a frog either! And I did well with the girls!

 

Some of the positive changes you need to do is get a new hairstyle, something people are going to notice and like. Then, get a new wardrobe. Be totally GQ 24/7. You want people to notice and say, "DAMN DUDE! LOOKING SHARP!" This is going to help with your self esteem.

 

Then get to a gym and run your ass off on the treadmill and push weight. Eat right and get plenty of sleep and you'll be working towards that ripped and hard bod that I KNOW girls like! You want it to the point where if this girl you like ever saw you with your shirt off, her eyes would bug out of her head and she would say to herself "HOLY SH*T!!! DAMN!!! YUMMY!!! I think I just ovulated!"

 

Work on your confidence dude! I would love ONE girl to come on her and tell us that confidence in a man isn't a desirable trait!

[tusharsolanki]

man i gotta tell you i am already doing the things u just listed above. m hitting the gym everyday. i play tennis.. i aint federer, but i aint bad either. trying on some new looks. The NC part is just the hardest. Iv got loads of confidence.. but when it come to her.. everythings goes to ****..

but i guess NC is the only way now right?

[Chi townD]

man i gotta tell you i am already doing the things u just listed above. m hitting the gym everyday. i play tennis.. i aint federer, but i aint bad either. trying on some new looks. The NC part is just the hardest. Iv got loads of confidence.. but when it come to her.. everythings goes to ****..

but i guess NC is the only way now right?

 

Yep! Until you get these emotions under control. How do you know she wouldn't entertain going out on an official date with you?