Venting out anger

[roe007]

Well I am slowly moving on to normal life after break up but suddenly I am depressed and can't hold my tears so I thought I should vent out the feeling somewhere.

 

Well mine was a fairy tale relationship to start with. She was my childhood friend but we couldn't contact each other for a long time after i changed my school. So I went on with my life and she had her life too and after a long time we met and rekindled our friendship. We were so comfortable and happy with each other that we began talking about the time we missed being together and it was warm. I never had any other feeling just friendship and genuinely felt childhood friends are really something.So after a while she began talking about her mental scars and stuff happened in her recent relationship the guy being abusive and violent. You know the usual stuff all the beating and foul mouth she had been through.

 

He questioned her commitment and never trusted her began questioning if she had some affair with other guys. Well those things drove her crazy and they hit a very rough patch and broke up. But this guy being the rude type began threatening her and her family but her mom likes this guy since they had a live in relationship and stuff. This guy would call her up and threaten to expose her photos with him well pretty cheap stuff but it went on while we met and she almost everyday seem to be so down and sad so as a friend I tried to help her out and soon she began feeling better.

 

He seemed to let go of revenge and I don't know what happened she was back to life again. So after a month while we met again for a school reunion she began talking to me seriously and said I was her first crush and that she always had this affection for me. She even said it is unconditional and would always care and love me even if we don't have a relationship or marriage. Well to be honest I too liked her during our old days but I kind never realized it and we began talking and getting more closer by the day. In the end she confessed her love and I accepted it we started a relationship. So after that ours was so perfect or it seemed to me because she was so dedicated which even surprised me.

 

She was caring always checking on me and my family even my mom started liking her and they got along well. We were discussing our marriage and I am not settled in life so I told her I need time because I want to be self sufficient and then support her. She was happy that finally she was with someone who cares for her those are her words. Everything was fine until I got a call letter for interview from Dubai. I packed my bags and a week before I was going she actually visited me and things were fine. But that week we had some petty fights. But I just refrained from fighting and told I am going somewhere for an interview so let's not fight for small reasons so that passed and she seemed fine after that. When I went to Dubai she missed me so much that she had taken one of my t shirts and was wearing it whole day I don't know some sentiments. Well I kinda missed her too a lot and we used to message each other and occasionally call as well.

 

After a week in Dubai things were not as expected I had trouble financially as well as the interview was a bust things just fall apart i couldn't find a place to stay and I don't have friends there to help out so the situation was not the best. She begins to ignore me in the middle of all and she hangs out with her friends I didn't make a fuss but I waited. two days later when she got free I texted her usually and she ignored again and at night she began to talk rather unusually. She said her family won't agree our relationship but in reality we have never told anyone about our relationship yet and I want to be open about it after I settle down.

 

Then she said she want to focus on herself and her career and relationship is secondary for now. Then she began saying she want to live her life and I also should do the same. When we were in a relationship I was planning to start a business with her so we planned a lot copyrighted a name for the business and stuff. She like clothing business and I am keen about starting a business too but all of a sudden she began saying she want to start her business and concentrate on that. Then I asked why all of a sudden talks about starting business individually came up we both conceived the idea. For that she said her family won't allow her to do business with others. So it was evident of a distance I felt something was really wrong this is the first time ever she was acting so distant.

 

The same girl wanted me to skype her when she was at a party with others and she felt it was wrong to drink without me. I mean I was open to all that but I am just quoting the example because the distance I felt was so new and struck me by surprise. She just went to sleep saying all this and I was left in dilemma. So next day by noon I never got any messages from her so I called her and asked what was the talk about being independent all of a sudden?I just asked casually but she burst out at me and cut my call and send me a voice message on whatsapp saying she want to break up with me and I will never understand..

 

I seriously thought she was annoyed so I kept to myself and didn't reply anything. In the evening I tried to call her but I was blocked so I sent messages in whatsapp I never got a reply I felt so sad I mean I always gave her a lot of space in life. She keeps contact with her ex she let me know if she contacts him and I never complained. I am not against her wishes either but I said till she is inside my comfort zone I won't control but once I feel she is going too then it will be bad. But seriously such an issue never surfaced no fight at all about she going out with someone or me going out with someone. We never had a fight at all to be honest rather than about her unhealthy food habits.

 

Next day after break up she replied saying she still loves me but she don't want a relationship at all. And if she ever marry someone that will be me. I was confused why she is behaving in such a way. Anyway things went bad to worse she kept on changing and at one point said she don't want anyone in life. So after 2 weeks she said her family won't allow and she don't want a relationship she has another side in her she has some personal pressures I don't know a horde of reasons and then she said she don't want a relationship with me. After this I thought I would be wasting time and my respect if I again contacted her so I just deleted her contact and messages didn't message her or meet her.

 

But she would message me randomly everyday at first. Sometimes at night she would say good night or she would miss you or something. Otherwise she would say she is feeling low and if I ask why?she would go cold this happened for a week and then I said I seriously don't want a friendship with her so stop contacting and then I went cold. But till now she messages sometimes random talks which I ignore and I never reply.

 

I don't know what reasons are there for my break up but once I heard her ex was in contact with her family. But I don't know suddenly i feel so week and I really miss her but I don't want her ever to realize how sad I am or how much I miss her so I write it here.

Edited May 20, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Paragraphs

[Chi townD]

Dude, she remained in contact with her Ex all the while, being with you. The writing is on the wall. She never got over her Ex. So, time for you to move on. You shouldn't be someone's second choice. You're not a consolation prize.

 

Time for you to go complete NO CONTACT with her. Do not respond to texts, or any social media. Let any phonecalls go to voicemail. Block her on facebook. She made the choice to have you out of her life; so, give her what she's asking for. She needs to see what life is going to be like with you gone.

[roe007]

While writing this I got a text from her saying sorry but I deleted it and didn't respond....

the urge is there but I keep on saying she left me when I needed her by my side. I have been with her in her difficulties helping her but when I wanted a moral support she busted out so that thought alone keeps me from texting her or contacting her. But yea you are so true it took a long time and my heart break to realize I was a second choice