Mary Oak Posted May 20, 2014 Posted May 20, 2014 After my break up of seven years, about six months later I started dating somone. I was not over my ex, and I was very honest about it all to her. SHe really helped mw along the way, and we became very close. Although, I still had a lot of demons to deal with from my ex. So, a few months ago, she broke up with me. She was over me always being upset over my ex and she felt we just were good together in a relationship. It was very civil, I said ok, but then nothing changed. We still saw each other, talked, were snuggly, etc. We never really talked about the elephant in the room, and I guess I assumed we were where we were before. We both seemed to enjoy each other. But, in all actuality I guess, we were still broken up. A couple of times she would say something about us being friends or something, and that would create an argument. Yesterday she said that we really needed to just be friends and stop with the intimacy. I told her I felt more for her than a friend, but I wanted to continue our friendship. We were fine. Then this morning, she starts asking me what I want, and that I had confused her. But, she put in no uncertain terms yesterday that she wanted a plantonic friendship and that we both need more than the other is willing to give. ANd that she felt if she stayed she would get hurt in the long run. So, I guess I don't know why her change of tone today. SHe must just be really confused. I don't know. Also, I really don't know how I feel. There are a lot of categories between friendship and love, and I fall somewhere between there. I still and always will love my ex very much. I know we will not be together again. SHe has moved on, and I know I need to as well. I just don't know what this girl wants. SHe is so back and forth. It is just really weird. Any insights?
CarrieT Posted May 20, 2014 Posted May 20, 2014 The insight is that two people can NOT be friends when one has romantic inclinations. Add intimacy into the mix and the recipe for disaster is amplified. If you can not - or will not - give this girl 100%, then go No Contact and help her move on from you, because in her mind, you are throwing her breadcrumbs.
Author Mary Oak Posted May 20, 2014 Author Posted May 20, 2014 I hope not. I really care about her and don't want to be leading her on. I have never been anything but honest with her. I have told her that we shouldn't talk for a while, but she doesn't want that. Says she is fine with having a friendship, she is actually the one that pushes for that. I don't want to hurt her at all. I don't see why it has to be all or nothing so early on. Can't it just be....
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