one_flydancer Posted February 10, 2005 Posted February 10, 2005 For a little background on the situation see my post "should I stop seeing my ex?" I'm going to backtrack to an incident 2 weeks ago: my ex came over to spend the night and found a few condoms (we don't use them) in my bathroom drawer while looking for something after he took a shower in my bathroom. He got very mad and told me that if I was sleeping with somebody else that he was going to leave and not come over anymore; I reassured him that I wasn't& after he questioned me a little, we proceeded with our evening and have been going on dates and seeing each other for the past 2 weeks. Fast Forward to last weekend- we go on a snowboarding trip with my family. We are in the bathroom getting ready to take a shower and I look in his shaving kit for toothpaste & come across a condom!! I asked him why he had it. He said a friend gave it to him and that he wasn't seeing anybody. He got pissed off and yelled at me for looking in his stuff even though he goes through mine all the time-I think it's weird that he got mad since the exact thing happened to him and i was so understanding! He insists nothing is going on but my gut is telling me otherwise. I can only think of 3 scenarios: 1.) He put it there on purpose to see how I'd react ore to get back at me for putting doubt in his head 2.)He's hoping he'll need it 3.) He is seeing somebody and was too stupid to hide it or thought I wouldn't look in his stuff. I just don't know what to think-of course I immediately assumed the worst. I need an objective opinion. PLease help!!
Mary3 Posted February 10, 2005 Posted February 10, 2005 Well its pretty obvious : he is your X bf...he is sleeping with you and he does NOT want you to be sleeping with others yet he has a condom in his pack. Its easy to figure out : DO YOU both use condoms together ? If you dont use them then you have just answered your OWN question. He is/ or is intending to sleep with others while sleeping with you.
roxy_1980 Posted February 10, 2005 Posted February 10, 2005 If you're THAT worried about him cheating on you, why exactly are you not using condoms? There is some reason for the condom. And why did you find just one? Remember, they generally come in a pack of 12.
UCFKevin Posted February 10, 2005 Posted February 10, 2005 He was defensive for no reason. He's seeing someone I'm sure.
nattfodd Posted February 10, 2005 Posted February 10, 2005 The signs would point to him sleeping with at least one other woman. I would not think you have any right to make any sort of a deal out of this, however, unless the both of you agreed to see one another exclusively.
imokurnot Posted February 10, 2005 Posted February 10, 2005 Could be to get back at you for finding the ones at your pad. But it depends on his level of anger/defensiveness. You know him well enough that you would know. So if your gut is telling you, you are probably right. Nevermind after-all. I guess I agree now lol. Sorry!
Author one_flydancer Posted February 10, 2005 Author Posted February 10, 2005 How does one stop trying to reason and rationalize away what is quite obvious to everyone else? When I spoke to him last night he said that if we don't trust each other then maybe we shouldn't hang out. My big thing is that we are not together so what's to trust? I can deal with him seeing other people; I can decide whether or not I want to continue with him if he is- so why would he lie about it??? It seems so uneccesary!! Any ideas?
SoleMate Posted February 11, 2005 Posted February 11, 2005 Oh brother. "We're broken up, but we have sex. I can have sex on the side, you can't. I can lie about my sex on the side, and I'll rip your head off if you do the same." Seems like there are two people in this story who do not understand what the word "EX" means. My objective opinion is that you should dump this lying potential source of STDs and take some time learning to love yourself, and clarifying what you want in a r/s. You know...1:1 relationship, no 3rd parties, no lies, no rudeness, no bossiness, enjoyable times together, the feelings of being cared for...
Author one_flydancer Posted February 11, 2005 Author Posted February 11, 2005 thanks guys! You are right-I'm done. with this B.S.
Mary3 Posted February 11, 2005 Posted February 11, 2005 You should trust him ? ( he says ) ...maybe he needs to give you a reason to trust him. On the otherhand this loser is having sex ( likely ) with other girls and wants you to remain faithful. He needs to take a flying f$$^@# !
CoolAunt Posted February 12, 2005 Posted February 12, 2005 Originally posted by SoleMate Oh brother. "We're broken up, but we have sex. I can have sex on the side, you can't. I can lie about my sex on the side, and I'll rip your head off if you do the same." Seems like there are two people in this story who do not understand what the word "EX" means. My objective opinion is that you should dump this lying potential source of STDs and take some time learning to love yourself, and clarifying what you want in a r/s. You know...1:1 relationship, no 3rd parties, no lies, no rudeness, no bossiness, enjoyable times together, the feelings of being cared for... Listen to SoleMate. She knows what she's talking about.
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