Not Meant to Be in Relationships?

[SamaraFalling]

I'm a 32-year-old woman, one year into what looks to be developing into a "serious" relationship, but I'm looking back on my dating past and also at my current feelings towards my partner and starting to wonder if maybe I'm not really cut out for long-term romantic relationships. Is this even a thing that other people experience? I know there are asexual people (I am not one of them), but what about a-romantic? A-relationship? Or, am I just really damaged goods with no reason to be? (no abuse in my past, no particularly traumatic relationships, my parents are still married, etc)

 

A little background on my dating history. I've been in one relationship or another basically since highschool. I have spent very little of my adult years single, although every time I get out of a relationship I swear up and down that I will remain single for a good long while. Inevitably, I meet someone amazing and hot, go on a few dates with them and before I know it I'm in a relationship. Again. But as reliably as they begin, the relationships end. And I'm usually the one who ends them. The details of why exactly I leave change, of course, but it usually has to do with me feeling trapped or bored while my partner is still madly in love with me. I start to resent all the compromises I have to make to be in a relationship, and begin to feel like I'm working really hard at something that isn't delivering any real returns. I don't think this is my partners' fault-they are almost always kind, loving people who care about me very much.

 

Which is how i'm feeling in my current relationship. I'm with an intensely intelligent man who thinks the world of me. He's good looking, generous, decent in bed, supportive, funny, madly in love with me, everything a woman is "supposed" to be looking for. Although he hasn't directly proposed yet, he's made it clear that he hopes to spend his life with me/marry me. I love him, I feel tenderly towards him and sexually towards him and all of that stuff, but as with most of my previous partners, I'm starting to feel stifled and stuck. I hate how much time he expects me to spend with him, I feel like being with him is a chore. I have to find ways to work him into my busy schedule (I'm a nursing student) and it is clear that he wants much more of my time than I want of his. I'd be perfectly happy to only see him once or twice a week, but he wants to see me every day. He also expects me to be all emotionally expressive and vulnerable and mushy with him, which doesn't come easily to me and doesn't feel good/rewarding when I do it. It just feels intrusive. He once accused me of treating him like a f**k buddy and not a partner and at the time I denied it, but honestly he's right. And really, when I think about it, a friends-with-benefits arrangement sounds so much more up my alley than a romantic relationship. A situation in which I can choose how much time I give to someone, how much control they have or do not have over my free time and decisions.

 

I just want some autonomy, but relationships seem to require this co-dependent, symbiotic merging of two former individuals. What do people get out of this? What am I missing here? Anyone have similar feelings or insight as to why this is my experience of dating?

[HappyLove]

I think it's because you attract men so easily. You take it for granted and get bored. When you're older and not getting as much attention then you'll appreciate it but it may be too late. Also they were probably so attracted to you and wanting to lock you down because you weren't so into them. If you were clingy they'd probably not want much to do with you. Those who want can't have, those who have don't want.

[Potz4prez]

Maybe you just need to find a guy who wants the same out of a relationship? Someone not mushy.

[Just-A-Normal-Guy]

Honestly this is not the guy for you. I just don't think you've found the right person. I am sort of similar to you but I'm also much younger. I have never not broken it off while I'm in relationship usually for the same reasons and circumstances. The thing is I can always tell if a relationship will last or not before it even begins. I used to go along with it anyway but it always turned out the same way. Me breaking someones heart. It's not fair to them so now I just don't start relationships unless I really feel something. You should be eager to be with the person you are with if thats not the case LEAVE. Especially if they are hinting marriage. Or atleast be honest with him and tell him what you'd rather prefer. This is just one guys opinion obviously but I hope this helped! I have a question entitled "oh man" on the dating forum would love some help as well! Best of luck