SalchiPapa Posted May 19, 2014 Posted May 19, 2014 Hi, just some insight if possible... I've been in a committed relationship with my gf for 7 months now and prior to that we were friends and also FWB for 2 years The problem, at least according to her, is that since she is Christian and I am not, she is confused because she loves me and loves G-D (I'm all for that) and she's confused because the last time we had sex, about 3 weeks ago, she felt guilty and felt like she was a bad person and not a good Christian. The issue for me is that now, 7 months into our committed relationship, she decided that she wants to respect herself and her religion more and not be sexual - and that I should wait for marriage. She said I knew all along how she was and that I should have not put her in the position (no pun intended) to have sex. Meaning I guess I shouldn't have kissed her so passionately, etc. I never forced her - things happened and she did what she and wanted to do. We have a very strong love for each other - as we were friends and FWB prior to being an item. I am just confused. From what I know you're supposed to love G-D more than yourself but I didn't think it would be like this. Any advice? comments? Thanks.
Potz4prez Posted May 19, 2014 Posted May 19, 2014 Let her know that's not going to work for you. That's unfair as **** on her part to begin with a sexual relationship and then all of a sudden try to re-negotiate.
Assasda Posted May 19, 2014 Posted May 19, 2014 If the girl's relationship with God is very important to her. There is nothing much you can do - Other than still kiss her passionately, that she forgets about it. haha - If she says to stop, you stop ofcourse. But keep on trying and test her walk with god
Michelle ma Belle Posted May 19, 2014 Posted May 19, 2014 Although I do respect anyone's choice to abstain from sex for whatever reasons regardless if they've been naughty before or not, I have GREAT issue with her pinning all the blame for her promiscuity all on YOU! Give me a break. You didn't hold a gun to her head for heaven's sake. So she suddenly is taking an interest in her faith and realizing that she should be respecting herself by no longer engaging in sexual activities - wonderful, better late than never I suppose - but NOT taking any responsibility for her own actions in all of this is just plain wrong not to mention immature. How do you feel about putting a freeze on your sex life? Is this a discussion where you both weigh in and decide as a couple or has she just decided for the both of you? Will it make a difference if you become a Christian or will that only make things harder? I think you need to get straight with how YOU really feel about this. I mean, is this what you want? Can you live without sex or any kind of foreplay until marriage? Do you even want to marry this girl? Figure out how you feel and then let her know. Brutal honesty and communication is paramount right now. But whatever you do, do NOT accept the blame for HER actions before this decision to respect herself or in the future. Good luck. 1
Author SalchiPapa Posted May 24, 2014 Author Posted May 24, 2014 Thanks everyone for the replies.. This situation is weird and truthfully, very stressing for me. She is the one woman who I've been with that I actually want to see and be with often. I actually envisioned a future with her. Never in my past was I so in love with anyone - not my ex-wife or the other gf's I thought I was in love with!!! I don't think I am going to be able to tolerate it for too long. We have a vacation planned so let's see if love for G-D is as strong as she proclaims it is. Well, at this point "it's in G_D's hands. No pun intended! Thanks again
Assasda Posted May 24, 2014 Posted May 24, 2014 Thanks everyone for the replies.. This situation is weird and truthfully, very stressing for me. She is the one woman who I've been with that I actually want to see and be with often. I actually envisioned a future with her. Never in my past was I so in love with anyone - not my ex-wife or the other gf's I thought I was in love with!!! I don't think I am going to be able to tolerate it for too long. We have a vacation planned so let's see if love for G-D is as strong as she proclaims it is. Well, at this point "it's in G_D's hands. No pun intended! Thanks again Exactly man. Follow my advice
endlessabyss Posted May 24, 2014 Posted May 24, 2014 A relationship with God is the most important relationship of all. 1
Author SalchiPapa Posted May 24, 2014 Author Posted May 24, 2014 Exactly man. Follow my advice I thank you for your advice - we shall see where it goes
oldshirt Posted May 24, 2014 Posted May 24, 2014 50 years ago this was the norm and not the exception. It was an expectation that people would hold religious values and would not have sex until marriage. It was common that people would wait until their wedding night to have sex or would have sex within the confines of a serious relationship and become engaged and married shortly after having sex. It was also common for couples to marry in their late teens and early 20s and common to marry their high school sweethearts/first loves. If you love her and envision a future with her and want to be with her and you are both legal adults, you could consider marriage. If you were to consider marrying her, I would just be concerned whether you think that her reluctance to have a sexual relationship is actually her religious beliefs vs an attraction or desire issue with you. In other words would she be sexual and responsive to you once married, or would she still have unacceptable inhibitions and hang ups in regards to sexuality?
Author SalchiPapa Posted May 24, 2014 Author Posted May 24, 2014 A relationship with God is the most important relationship of all. I respect her beliefs and never told her not to practice her religion. I encourage her to go to church and would never tell her - or anyone - not to go. But at this stage of our relationship its not fair to me; and like I stated earlier, we were friends (and FWB) BEFORE we were an item and she never followed her religion to to the letter then - so why now? But like you said - a relationship with G-D is the most important but it shouldn't be by convenience!
Author SalchiPapa Posted May 24, 2014 Author Posted May 24, 2014 50 years ago this was the norm and not the exception. It was an expectation that people would hold religious values and would not have sex until marriage. It was common that people would wait until their wedding night to have sex or would have sex within the confines of a serious relationship and become engaged and married shortly after having sex. It was also common for couples to marry in their late teens and early 20s and common to marry their high school sweethearts/first loves. If you love her and envision a future with her and want to be with her and you are both legal adults, you could consider marriage. If you were to consider marrying her, I would just be concerned whether you think that her reluctance to have a sexual relationship is actually her religious beliefs vs an attraction or desire issue with you. In other words would she be sexual and responsive to you once married, or would she still have unacceptable inhibitions and hang ups in regards to sexuality? Good points - and well taken. Truthfully we have discussed marriage. We are both serious (Well I like to think that) and our relationship is not just a physical one. My personal belief is that times have changed - and I think certain things should change too. I think religion needs to move into the present with certain things - and pre-marital sex is one of them. People marry later now then ever. When people married in their teens and early 20's I think there was less temptation of sex back then. Probably 99% of the relationships went from living with your parents to living with your spouse. That's almost unheard of today.
ebor Posted May 25, 2014 Posted May 25, 2014 I just like how you think God is such an explicit word you use G-d!
Author SalchiPapa Posted May 25, 2014 Author Posted May 25, 2014 I just like how you think God is such an explicit word you use G-d! Yeah.. Not sure why I do that. Must be why I have all my issues with my gf!! LOL
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