Luua Posted May 19, 2014 Posted May 19, 2014 (edited) Hey! A question for the guys (or girls that know how to do that). I recently kissed with a classmate (master's degree). He had been hitting on me for a while now but I kinda ignored that. He has always acted flirty with me but I got the feeling that he was a bit of a player and I got out from a relationship recently so I didn't want to get involved with anyone. But, alas... It happened. On Thursday. It was all casual, drinking beer in the street with the rest of the classmates at night, we started talking to each other and laughing and all that stuff... and saw how the rest of the classmates kept going home until only the two of us were left alone. We were a bit drunk and he was especially seductive so we ended up kissing and cuddling till six in the morning. We rode a bike together, he left me at my door and never asked to come upstairs or never pushed me to go to his place. He was actually very, very nice and kind, and flirty. He asked for a second 'date' during the weekend in a casual way (coffee, lunch and a walk) but I rejected in a soft way 'cause I didn't want to seem too eager to meet again. We have been texting non stop till then, though. Like crazy. Yesterday he kind of stopped though, and today we haven't talked that much but we have seen each other in class. Drew me a heart in the hand, passed me a note with an inside joke. Yes, I guess that means that there was something there. But then I left class and nothing, no messages, no attention at all afterwards. Complete silence. And ah! He really got me, I don't know how he did it, but there I am, craving for a sign. I'm afraid he's a player or something or just wants to have sex (not that I would mind, but I'm not in the mindset to get rejected again and I really like the vibe between us). It's kind of awkward to kiss without getting drunk first. I feel so shy around him now. It would be nice to get some tips to keep it going. I really liked being with him and I'd like to keep him interested, but I just don't know how to do it if I'm already freaking out when he doesn't write me (not that I show it, though!). Act as if I didn't care? Show it a little more? I'm being pretty evasive to protect myself a bit. ugh... Edited May 19, 2014 by Luua
Smilecharmer Posted May 19, 2014 Posted May 19, 2014 Hey! A question for the guys (or girls that know how to do that). I recently kissed with a classmate (master's degree). He had been hitting on me for a while now but I kinda ignored that. He has always acted flirty with me but I got the feeling that he was a bit of a player and I got out from a relationship recently so I didn't want to get involved with anyone. But, alas... It happened. On Thursday. It was all casual, drinking beer in the street with the rest of the classmates at night, we started talking to each other and laughing and all that stuff... and saw how the rest of the classmates kept going home until only the two of us were left alone. We were a bit drunk and he was especially seductive so we ended up kissing and cuddling till six in the morning. We rode a bike together, he left me at my door and never asked to come upstairs or never pushed me to go to his place. He was actually very, very nice and kind, and flirty. He asked for a second 'date' during the weekend in a casual way (coffee, lunch and a walk) but I rejected in a soft way 'cause I didn't want to seem too eager to meet again. We have been texting non stop till then, though. Like crazy. Yesterday he kind of stopped though, and today we haven't talked that much but we have seen each other in class. Drew me a heart in the hand, passed me a note with an inside joke. Yes, I guess that means that there was something there. But then I left and nothing, no messages, no attention at all. And ah! He really got me, I don't know how he did it, but there I am, craving for a sign. I'm afraid he's a player or something or just wants to have sex. It's kind of awkward to kiss without getting drunk first. I feel so shy around him now. It would be nice to get some tips to keep it going. I really liked being with him and I'd like to keep him interested, but I just don't know how to do it if I'm already freaking out when he doesn't write me (not that I show it, though!). ugh... Don't play games...if you like a guy accept his invitations, don't think you have to wait to not seem eager. If being eager turns him off, it is nice to know in the beginning. He thinks he got friendzoned. He thinks you aren't interested in more than just friendship and casual flirting and he obviously was trying for more. You may have screwed up. A nice thing to remember when interacting with the opposite sex is that they have feelings too and they can be hurt just as easy as you can. If someone rejected me, I would self preserve and move on to someone who knew they really wanted to date me. 3
Potz4prez Posted May 19, 2014 Posted May 19, 2014 You turned him down for a second date without offering to reschedule. For guys, that's an instant "**** it - lost cause." Balls in your court. You have to ask him out now. Just make up some BS about being nervous when you rejected him, but you'd love to go out with him and [insert date here]. 3
todreaminblue Posted May 19, 2014 Posted May 19, 2014 what smile charmer said is true, guys have feelings too and rejecting an offer because you want to appear not eager is not sending the right signals to him and its really hard then, when you do want to send the right signals to know what that right signal is for starters and then wonder if he knows what you are sending because you have played with signals before.....i just confused myself writing that..... .... if you truly like the guy.......... just be honest......be truthful follow the traffic light approach to signals.....give the green for the go ahead so its yes....orange for preparing to stop now going too fast so just slow down......red ...alert alert pull up pull up..its nah buddy .....you are gonna get a ticket.........if you keep it honest there are no worries.....and no speeding tickets..all is cool in the world with no crashes......change the lights and you have problems.........deb
Assasda Posted May 19, 2014 Posted May 19, 2014 Why should this guy even bother? If youre not being receptive to him, he'll think that you arnt interested. Keep it up, he'll be gone. I dont understand hjow youre protecting yourself by not accepting his invitation. You must be really insecure. Maybe you really arnt ready for a relationship, because of all your insecurities
deathandtaxes Posted May 20, 2014 Posted May 20, 2014 YOU played a game and got burned by a non-game player. Congrats. Men usually will not ask twice. Being rejected once is hard enough to take. We won't make the same mistake twice.
Author Luua Posted May 21, 2014 Author Posted May 21, 2014 (edited) Well, we got in touch again and everything seems fine now... But i do think he's a player. He likes pushing & pulling. I saw it once I stopped clinging, he came back to me like a fly. It's not about playing games though, we've both been really hurt in the past (and moreover, recently) so sometimes is good to evaluate things before embarking into something new. Sometimes things are not that black or white. I guess time will tell. Edited May 21, 2014 by Luua
soccerrprp Posted May 21, 2014 Posted May 21, 2014 You're a contradiction. You don't want to be hurt, he's a player, not ready for a relationship, but want to keep it going and wouldn't mind sleeping with him. You're all set for a hurting. Simply put, you're indecisive and ripe to be taken advantage of. 1
Emilia Posted May 21, 2014 Posted May 21, 2014 Well, we got in touch again and everything seems fine now... But i do think he's a player. He likes pushing & pulling. I saw it once I stopped clinging, he came back to me like a fly. It's not about playing games though, we've both been really hurt in the past (and moreover, recently) so sometimes is good to evaluate things before embarking into something new. Sometimes things are not that black or white. I guess time will tell. It's you who is doing the pushing and pulling, he is just responding to it. Don't screw with him. If you can't handle this then cut him loose. Take responsibility for your actions.
Charlie Harper Posted May 21, 2014 Posted May 21, 2014 Alcohol is the ultimate test of chemistry ! People always seem "surprised" that when a little inebriated "things" happen. They happen because your stops, and a lot of control go out the window... You like the guy, but you sent mixed signals, so he felt he was friendzoned... BE EMOTIONALLY HONEST, it will make wonders in your life (WITH THE RIGHT PEOPLE).
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