Borrowed Money Etiquette

May 19, 2014

Just tell him you need the money he 'borrowed' from you so you can pay your bills. Why are you feeling so worried and passive about this? Especially 3 pay cheques later, he should be giving you back the money.

Don't feel weird about it, he certainly had no problem borrowing money from you so he should pay it back!

May 19, 2014

I paid 180 for one bill, 110 in gas, and 50 for his dues at work.

I'd be okay with even just half of that. Maybe just the bill payment. I'm not fussed about money for gas, everyone needs gas.

The repayment for his strorage bill would be enough to get me by

May 19, 2014

I paid 180 for one bill, 110 in gas, and 50 for his dues at work.

I'd be okay with even just half of that. Maybe just the bill payment. I'm not fussed about money for gas, everyone needs gas.

The repayment for his strorage bill would be enough to get me by

Yeah he's a poor budgeter. We get that.

Meanwhile how's your stomach feel?

May 19, 2014

He's exceptionally bright. My mom knows I never date, and said to some relatives "I'm happy she finally found someone she likes. She's finally found someone who is just as smart as her. I sometimes wonder if that's what she was waiting for"

He was in a VERY bad car accident a few years back. It's amazing he survived, and doctors thought he would never regain use of his arm, but he did. He did suffer quite a bit of head trauma though, and has some benign matter in his brain as a result. It does affect him a bit.

Brain injury, accident or not, using this as an excuse as to why he hasn't paid you back just doesn't cut it!

He is the penny pincher and cheap, hoping you'll not ask him again to get YOUR money back.

Tell him you need the money asap. And if he doesn't have it, then he can borrow money from his parents to pay YOU back.

May 19, 2014

I feel strongly about this topic, sorry, because I've admittedly been in a relationship where I loaned the guy about $750, and I was a college student, and I did it because I cared about him and loved him and he of course promised to pay me back....he too made excuses and to this day I never got it back and he never mentioned it again...and I like you never asked again, after asking twice, because I didn't want to seem "petty"....now I feel disgusted at myself for being dumb and not standing up for myself and not realizing that a man who means you well and loves you will be ON TOP OF IT and will work his butt off to be honorable and give you back your money without you hounding him.

Now it's a HUGE turn off for me frankly to be with a man who would need to ask me for money or who has financial issues and bank accounts closing and all this.....just my preference, because it usually spells trouble! But if for some reason I loaned my guy money because he needed it, although my guy wouldn't ask me, he would probably ask his mom or dad or find a way to handle it without involving me before asking me, but if he did, and I loaned him...I KNOW he would immediately pay me back. And if I saw him saying, next week, next week and a month passed, I'd address it head on and if he still didn't make an effort, we would be done because that doesn't bode well for our future: it means you're not only BAD with money but you're dishonest and feel no remorse about jipping me as one does not "forget" these things.

I only want a man who wants to take care of me (I don't mean spend his money on me), make sure I'm okay and will be honorable...not one who will use me when he's in trouble then "forget" and where I have to feel badly about myself when he's wrong. Likewise, if my guy loaned me money I would immediately try to pay him back and be on top of it, even if I was having difficulty I would let him know and pay what I can to show him I am not a user....but to act like I forgot...no way!

May 19, 2014

Yeah, I've seen the checks. I was always with him when he cashed them.

I know, in general, he has more bills to pay than I do, so his paycheck gets used up quicker than that same amount would if I made that much. He was financially irresponsible when younger, I know he has some debt built up, his credit score is horrendous. He's got some items sitting in pawn shops, collecting interest, which he then has to pay. He also has almost ALL his belongings in storage, which is one of the bills I paid for him. $180.

I wish he'd get his things out of storage so that he could stop paying that ridiculous amount of money every month. Especially when his house and garage are EMPTY. He could easily store his stuff at home. He has an extra car in storage, a motorcycle (both of those would've been nice to have when his truck broke down), and his bed. He currently sleeps on the mattress pad that he dragged in from his motorhome, he put it on the floor in his room and sleeps on it. But he has his actual bed in storage.

He talks about getting this stuff out, but never has time.

He could cut down on his monthly costs SO much if he shut down his storage and got his items out of the pawn shops.

How is any of that your problem?

May 19, 2014

Yeah, I've seen the checks. I was always with him when he cashed them.

I know, in general, he has more bills to pay than I do, so his paycheck gets used up quicker than that same amount would if I made that much. He was financially irresponsible when younger, I know he has some debt built up, his credit score is horrendous. He's got some items sitting in pawn shops, collecting interest, which he then has to pay. He also has almost ALL his belongings in storage, which is one of the bills I paid for him. $180.

I wish he'd get his things out of storage so that he could stop paying that ridiculous amount of money every month. Especially when his house and garage are EMPTY. He could easily store his stuff at home. He has an extra car in storage, a motorcycle (both of those would've been nice to have when his truck broke down), and his bed. He currently sleeps on the mattress pad that he dragged in from his motorhome, he put it on the floor in his room and sleeps on it. But he has his actual bed in storage.

He talks about getting this stuff out, but never has time.

He could cut down on his monthly costs SO much if he shut down his storage and got his items out of the pawn shops.

None of this matters, nor does it matter who has bought dinner, or whether things are "equal".

He borrowed $200 from you. He told you he'd pay you back. So he needs to do so.

May 19, 2014

He's exceptionally bright. My mom knows I never date, and said to some relatives "I'm happy she finally found someone she likes. She's finally found someone who is just as smart as her. I sometimes wonder if that's what she was waiting for"

He was in a VERY bad car accident a few years back. It's amazing he survived, and doctors thought he would never regain use of his arm, but he did. He did suffer quite a bit of head trauma though, and has some benign matter in his brain as a result. It does affect him a bit.

Does your mom know that he has serious financial problems and that he borrowed money from you that he hasn't paid back? And that your paying his bills? Or are you only telling her things that make him sound good?

Tell him that you need him to repay the money he owes you because you only have $40 dollars to last you for two weeks until your next paycheck.

May 19, 2014

I've never been in a situation likes this, so I need some help on what to do.

...after this, don't be again...please.

He said "I'll pay you back when my check comes in", and I said OK.

Promise broken.

3 paychecks later and he's clearly completely forgotten.

No he hasn't. He's avoiding it until you speak up.

Unfortunately, I am now completely broke. I had to use my ENTIRE paycheck from friday to pay off my credit card bill (my credit card is what we used to pay his bills, they needed an immediate payment, cash or check would have taken too long).

Now, along with paying your bf's financial responsibilities, you're resorting to using your CC to pay off debt. Getting in debt, to pay off debt.

So now I only have about $40 to last me the next 2 weeks until my next paycheck.

So, how much does he have to his name to help you out?

If I had a decent amount of money to last me til my next paycheck, I wouldn't be bothered. But right now my fridge is empty and my stomach is grumbling, and I'm trying to figure out what's the cheapest way to eat right now.

Boxes or Ramen noodles and/or macaroni and cheese.

I don't know how to go to him about this. I don't want to seem like some penny-pincher who's counting every dime and nickel spent on him expecting it back.

You speak up. Ask him where his money goes. That he promised to pay you back. Nothing penny-pinching about this.

I feel like right now, he's still struggling with money and may not have the money to pay me back. I bought dinner for us most of the week, he didn't have money.

"feel?" or know. Ask him where his money goes. Why would you pay for dinner when you don't have the money? You could have bought groceries and cooked for cheaper.

A part of me feels like, because he did most of the paying for things in the first few months, the couple hundred towards his bills is just fair repayment and that things have evened out. It's not like he was expecting ME to pay him back for the dinners over the past few months, so I feel wrong expecting him to pay ME back for the borrowed money.

Not wrong. He was borrowing money to pay off HIS DEBTS. This was not intended to be a gift, right? His paying for dinner is a gift, not a loan.

I just am worried about making it through the next 2 weeks and am confused about why he is still so broke. What I make in 1 month, he makes in 1 week. The money seems to have disappeared.

That is what you know? Or what he tells you? Ask him where his money goes.

I guess what I am wondering is - should I let it go, or ask him for the borrowed money. If I should ask him, how should I go about doing it so as not to be insensitive?

NO, you do not let it go. Be cordial, but you remind him not to forget to pay you back. Remind him by saying, "hon, just remember to pay me back when you get the money. thanks." See how long that takes you. Sooner of later, you will discover some other things about him that you may not like when it comes to money and its dealings.

May 19, 2014

i'll talk to him tonight

May 19, 2014

i'll talk to him tonight

Good luck buddy.

You're in the right.

May 19, 2014

I think the things he borrowed the money for are suspect also. His work dues? Really? He couldn't find a way around that, it doesn't automatically come out his check? Storage? Don't you get an extended time before you lose your things or did he just never pay for months? Gas is about the only thing I could see him absolutely borrowing money for. It just seems like he used you in a way, like he knew you were never getting that money back! Be interesting to see what he says when you ask.

May 19, 2014

It is his problem to be broke which means he should have borrowed the money from friends or family. It is a rule that you do not borrow money from your partner unless there is a firm security there that you are mutually paying into the same account.

As soon as that line is crossed the relationship becomes in jeopardy. Never mix money and love. Demand it back he said he would pay it back and didn't which means he has no intention of doing so. Learn from this.

Ditto!!!!

One of the better advice my mom and aunt have given me.

Which is why I'm like, my current bf, he would never ask me for money, he would ask his family or brother or someone but would not put me in that position. I think even if I offered he would say "Babe it's okay, I'll figure it out" and I'd probably have to force him and he might still refuse and if he finally agreed would IMMEDIATELY give it back when he had it.

Likewise, I wouldn't ask him either. If I needed money I would ask my family or even friends before him, because I simply feel the borrowing money from your bf/gf situation often goes awry, so it would be my last resort. If my guy volunteered then that's different, and I would immediately pay him back. Point is: honorable people who respect themselves and their partner feel badly about even needing to borrow money, thus as SOON as they can pay it back they do so IMMEDIATELY!

Careless moochers....well....they have selective amnesia about it and will make it drag on for an eternity and most likely will never remember or even when reminded will "forget" again...

May 19, 2014

i'll talk to him tonight

Do us all a favor and stand up for yourself.

And for the love of God, don't let him call you a pain in the ass.

May 19, 2014

Yeah, I've seen the checks. I was always with him when he cashed them.

I know, in general, he has more bills to pay than I do, so his paycheck gets used up quicker than that same amount would if I made that much. He was financially irresponsible when younger, I know he has some debt built up, his credit score is horrendous. He's got some items sitting in pawn shops, collecting interest, which he then has to pay. He also has almost ALL his belongings in storage, which is one of the bills I paid for him. $180.

I wish he'd get his things out of storage so that he could stop paying that ridiculous amount of money every month. Especially when his house and garage are EMPTY. He could easily store his stuff at home. He has an extra car in storage, a motorcycle (both of those would've been nice to have when his truck broke down), and his bed. He currently sleeps on the mattress pad that he dragged in from his motorhome, he put it on the floor in his room and sleeps on it. But he has his actual bed in storage.

He talks about getting this stuff out, but never has time.

He could cut down on his monthly costs SO much if he shut down his storage and got his items out of the pawn shops.

This sounds SO much like my broke ass worthless ex fiance who I poured endless amounts of money into thinking that I could somehow fix him

.......and by fixing him I mean love me more and better.

My ex was terrible with money, had countless bills in collections which I "helped" him pay off. Had no bank accounts, I opened one for him. Had terrible credit that I "helped" him fix. Made excuses for his behavior when EVERYONE around me saw otherwise.

I hope that this works out for you Phoe - but I see so much of myself (codependency) in you .

May 19, 2014

As for the money, it's probably going to the engagement ring.................

May 19, 2014

Why would you pay for dinner when you don't have the money? You could have bought groceries and cooked for cheaper.

Buying food and cooking is what I usually do. I bought 3 cheap meals (under $10 total) out last week.

Otherwise I am usually cooking.

And I live off of ramen already. I'll have oatmeal for breakfast, a frozen meal for lunch, and ramen for dinner.

I suppose I could have ramen for lunch AND dinner, that would save a few dollars, but I will get tired of ramen really quickly that way.

May 19, 2014

Sounds like a Judge Judy episode in the making.....

I hope you work it out though....

TFY

May 19, 2014

3 paychecks later and he's clearly completely forgotten.

No, he has not forgotten. If this was important to him, like it would be to me as I hate hate hate bringing money into a relationship, it would be paid back by now. Note, I have never borroed money from anyone my entrtie life.

Unfortunately, I am now completely broke. I had to use my ENTIRE paycheck from friday to pay off my credit card bill (my credit card is what we used to pay his bills, they needed an immediate payment, cash or check would have taken too long).

Does he know this? If not, he should.

If I had a decent amount of money to last me til my next paycheck, I wouldn't be bothered. But right now my fridge is empty and my stomach is grumbling, and I'm trying to figure out what's the cheapest way to eat right now.[/quote}

First, I am sad to hear this. 2nd, where is this man? He should be taking care of you.

I feel like right now, he's still struggling with money and may not have the money to pay me back. I bought dinner for us most of the week, he didn't have money.
How is he struggling with 3 paychecks in the bank? This was s top gpa "pay day" lona, you did not give him the money, it was a loan.

I made the unfortuante mistake of loaning my ex money about 3 weeks before we agreed to stop seeing each other. It was a lot more than $200 too. She did not know how to manage money, spent it when she had, and i swore to myself I would never help her, and I never did, until then. She was crying, said she made a mistake, needed to cover a pay day loan, blah blah blah. I waited about 30 minutes then wroter her a check. She agreed to pay me back $100 a month and even put it in an emal. That was almost 6 months ago. When we agreed to stop see each other about 3 months ago one of the last things she said to me was she would be paying me back very soon.

Right now I don't care about the money. I just want to "close" this so I am not thinking about it. I come hoem a couple of times a week expecting to see an envelope inside my door.

Today, I finally replied to one of her las "I plan to pay you back emails with this:

"I have been thinking about the money that I loaned you and your intention to pay it back. I have not heard from you about the loan. I do not want to make assumptions so I am replying to this email to check in with you.

I know a lot has gone on between that time and today. I thought it would be best if we decided what to do about it now. I prefer to not have the loan hanging over us. I prefer to not have to think about it and I feel more comfortable sorting it out now so we both know where we stand. I will feel better when it’s sorted out and it's my best guess you will, too. Getting this organized now would be useful for us both I think.

I'm glad I was able to help you. I know that stuff happens, and we all need someone to lean on at times."

Your situation is a little different in that you are still together, but not really IMHO. He needs to pay you back now, and hopefully you learned a valuable lesson about loaning money in arelationship; I did.

May 19, 2014

Ask for it back. Or i will send the boys around for you.

May 19, 2014

As for the money, it's probably going to the engagement ring.................

There isn't going to be one. I guess he cancelled his deposit on the ring since he is low on money, and told me instead of spending money on an engagement ring AND a wedding ring, that he will skip the engagement ring and just get a nice wedding ring.

May 19, 2014

Buying food and cooking is what I usually do. I bought 3 cheap meals (under $10 total) out last week.

Otherwise I am usually cooking.

And I live off of ramen already. I'll have oatmeal for breakfast, a frozen meal for lunch, and ramen for dinner.

I suppose I could have ramen for lunch AND dinner, that would save a few dollars, but I will get tired of ramen really quickly that way.

You need more protein and produce and dairy.

Your lack of nutrition is having an adverse effect on your judgment.

May 19, 2014

There isn't going to be one. I guess he cancelled his deposit on the ring since he is low on money, and told me instead of spending money on an engagement ring AND a wedding ring, that he will skip the engagement ring and just get a nice wedding ring.

Well, he actually has some financial sense, at least with that.

Still, he seems to be horribly mismanaging his money.

May 19, 2014

You need more protein and produce and dairy.

Your lack of nutrition is having an adverse effect on your judgment.

My diet has gone to crap since I started dating him. He knows it too, and feels badly.

I used to focus SO much on protein. Protein was my favorite. My meals would be meat, rice/pasta, and veggies.

Dairy is not my friend.

I work out a lot so protein was always very essential. The past 2 weeks I haven't made it to the gym at all. Haven't been feeling up to it. I've been losing a bit of muscle tone and gaining a bit of fat.

He says it's normal to get comfortable and gain weight in a relationship. Admittedly, he does like my body better now that it's a little fattier and less toned. Says he doesn't wanna feel like he's having sex with a man, that a woman ought not have much muscle.

May 19, 2014

Still, he seems to be horribly mismanaging his money.

Yes.

And I would help him if he'd let me. But when I try to offer advice when not asked for it, especially on something he is sensitive about, he will get upset and say I am condescending. So I know I cannot help him figure it out.

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Borrowed Money Etiquette

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