Author Meeshell Posted May 22, 2014 Author Posted May 22, 2014 So, he sent me a text again. I haven't blocked his number. I should have, but didn't. Anyway, he wrote.. "Hi. I miss you." I ignored it. He then sent me a text with, "You are a great woman. Just because things went the way they did isnt all ur fault. It was mine to butt we couldnt keep on the way we were going. I wake up every day missing u. Just so you know i wake up every day and ur the first i think about." I caved and responded with - "Living together was the problem. It was way too fast. We've both admitted our faults, but its not like its forever broken. I too, wake up everyday thinking about you. Not a day goes by that I don't. But you don't want me. So, in the end, I have to accept that. Its sad, because I still cling on having faith in you. That you would be willing to do whatever it takes. And that I still have hope. Even though I shouldn't. Instead, you threw me in the friend zone. Which looks like its permanently. Ill let go, if that's what you want. " I sound pathetic, right? Anyway.. he replies with - "Thsats not what i wanted but if thats what you think i dont know what to say." Me - "I'm sorry. Sorry for jumping the gun. Please, tell me what you want. I'm all ears. And please, don't make me sit here all night and dwell." Him - "I just dont wabt you to hate me and not talk to me. Stop asuming things " Me - "I'm sorry. I assume too much. One of my flaws I'm working on. I don't see you. I don't ever really talk to you, so I just figured you wanted nothing to do with me. ." Him - "Ive tex you and you dont respond." Me - "Never once did any of those texts give me an inch of reassurance that you wanted to work things out. I gave up after a while. I've lost 27lbs in 20 days due to depression. So I had to get my mind right and try to ignore everything. Basically, when you text me, its one sided. I can never get you to fully open up to me. Hence why I don't know exactly what you want. You want to work things out, but that could be months from now. Or longer. Cause you're not exactly specific. And then you disappear for hours and leave me wondering. That's all. :(" So now, I feel like there's still hope? But, he's not being completely open with me. So, it makes me wonder. BUT, I can say that I'm a little more emotionally okay than I was a few days ago. I I were to read something like this, I would have shut down. I don't know. Its like he hints that he wants to work things out, but I feel like he wants to have his fun first. That 'could' be the situation, OR, I could be assuming again. I tried. I really tried. But this NC is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Simon Phoenix Posted May 22, 2014 Posted May 22, 2014 No, there's no hope. He's just tugging at the leash and you are responding. BLOCK HIM NOW!!!!!!! He obviously is going to keep after you, so you have to do this for yourself. And you haven't done NC yet, you're responding! You have to block him on everything. Stop waiting around to do it, do it now!
Zahara Posted May 22, 2014 Posted May 22, 2014 You mentioned that you blocked his number and then you state you never blocked it. Just be honest with yourself if you can't follow through. It's fine because the process is hard. You asked him upfront and he again evaded you. He ropes you in with all the flowery talk to get you to talk. As I said he'll do all he can to bust your boundaries. You'll respond, he'll get you back where he wants you and the cycle repeats. Yes you feel a little better emotionally because contact just have you a little comfort from NC. You're on a contact high. Be prepared in a day or two when reality sets in that you're back to square one. This is the aftermath of breaking NC.
Author Meeshell Posted May 22, 2014 Author Posted May 22, 2014 I added his # to the reject list. Sorry, I really didn't feel like I was ready to block his number fully. I should have listened. I feel like this advice is harsh, but maybe harsh advice is the best. I honestly felt like other experiences with prior relationships are different than this one. But, then again, that could be false. Sorry guys. I'm trying to follow advice and I understand that there shouldn't be any sympathy for me, considering I'm doing this to myself. But I'm just confused. Sorry.
jbelle6 Posted May 22, 2014 Posted May 22, 2014 (edited) NO MORE contact, and no more allowing him to blame you for ANYTHING anymore. He's an a$$. Mine told me how clingy and needy I was, for wanting to not just hang out on weeknights or when he had free time from all the better crap he had to do? Screw that. I am at 2 weeks exactly, I blocked him THAT DAY, right after we got off the phone and he dumped me, and I truly truly believe that is why I am doing so well. No screwing me around nothing! I can have a couple glasses of wine and have zero desire to contact someone who left me. Stay strong, I promise if you truly do ignore all the texts and manipulation it really will get better, just quit telling yourself that you need him or you won't get over him, you will. And don't do this to get him back, he's not worth it. If you need a breakup buddy to stay strong, let me know, I'm around the same timing! Also wanted to add that I also agree that this has hurt me more than splitting with my husband as well. I am not sure why? Edited May 22, 2014 by jbelle6 1
JustC Posted May 22, 2014 Posted May 22, 2014 You NEED to stop giving lip service to blocking this guy and actually DO it. Telling US about it isn't helping your situation, you need to actually put in the work. Everything about this guy screams bad news. I get that this is your first bf since your divorce but this is some of the most manipulative bs I've read for awhile. You're not responsible for him "missing" you. That's his problem. He did it all on his own and he can't ACTUALLY fix it. You're doing yourself no favors by staying on this roller coaster. My heart goes out to you but take his "I miss you" bs as empowering and go do something for yourself. Personally, I get a piercing or a different bikini wax or take a trip... something that I would have never been allowed to do or would have had to check with the ex first. Your life doesn't stop here.
Chi townD Posted May 22, 2014 Posted May 22, 2014 I added his # to the reject list. Sorry, I really didn't feel like I was ready to block his number fully. I should have listened. I feel like this advice is harsh, but maybe harsh advice is the best. I honestly felt like other experiences with prior relationships are different than this one. But, then again, that could be false. Sorry guys. I'm trying to follow advice and I understand that there shouldn't be any sympathy for me, considering I'm doing this to myself. But I'm just confused. Sorry. Girl, chill out and don't be so hard on yourself. You aren't the first one to break no contact and you certainly won't be the last. But, since you did it. You can probably see more clearly that contacting him while you still have all these mixed up emotions didn't make you feel any better and you STILL didn't get any clear-cut answers. Perhaps it made you feel a little worse. So, you can chalk this up to lessons learned.
Zahara Posted May 22, 2014 Posted May 22, 2014 I added his # to the reject list. Sorry, I really didn't feel like I was ready to block his number fully. I should have listened. I feel like this advice is harsh, but maybe harsh advice is the best. I honestly felt like other experiences with prior relationships are different than this one. But, then again, that could be false. Sorry guys. I'm trying to follow advice and I understand that there shouldn't be any sympathy for me, considering I'm doing this to myself. But I'm just confused. Sorry. Harsh is the emotional beatdown you're giving yourself. It's harsh because you don't like what you're hearing. You're not confused. You're in denial. And that is normal. You: Even though I shouldn't. Instead, you threw me in the friend zone. Which looks like its permanently. Ill let go, if that's what you want. Him: "Thsats not what i wanted but if thats what you think i dont know what to say." Manipulation. He put the responsibility of you feeling the way you do because of your choices. When this was the perfect moment to change it all, he evaded it by turning it on you and relieving himself of giving you an answer. Meeshell, you have to step out of yourself, your emotional self and try to see his motives for what they are. I understand it's difficult for you to completely step away and you will do it in time but try to help yourself get there by rationalizing what's really very straightforward. 1
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