Mapper71 Posted May 19, 2014 Posted May 19, 2014 I'm shy. I've been shy my entire life and I have some close friends but other than that I really don't "make" friends. Sure I go to parties with my husband and talk with his buddies wives/girlfriends but it's never "oh lets hang out" kind of thing. Even in my teens and 20's I never called friends to do stuff and always waited for them to call me. I just felt like I was intruding if I called and never knew what to do anyways. I worked at home for a few years and finally got a job out of the house. I like being around others but I have a really hard time interacting with them. I work at a travel publisher and EVERYONE else who works there has traveled to Europe several times or led tours and everyone is pretty gregarious because you have to be working in the travel industry. We have a picnic table out back of our place where people will congregate for lunch and sometimes it's just one person there, but I can never get myself to go sit at the table and join the conversation. I want to, I really do, but I feel so awkward and don't know what to say. Our dept of 13 sat out back just last week to have birthday cupcakes for a coworker. I was the ONLY person who didn't speak a word and no one spoke to me. I just feel I have nothing to add to the conversation. They were all talking about each others travels and I had nothing to add. I can see the kitchen from where I sit and if I need to go nuke something in the microwave I make sure that nobody else is in there because I don't know what to say to them. I can either leave via the front or back door, but if there are people sitting at the picnic table I will purposely go out the front door and walk around the building to get to my car rather than walk by and have a conversation with them. Yet I REALLY want to fit in and be the coworker that people want to talk to and hang out with. Every job I've had I've been the odd one out because I can't open my mouth. I think too hard about exactly what to say and then deem it as nothing important...and by that time the conversation on that topic has ended anyways. I just automatically think that everyone thinks I'm odd because I can't look at someone and not blush.
Michelle ma Belle Posted May 20, 2014 Posted May 20, 2014 I feel for you sweetie because I've been here before. It always amazes me to watch how some people are so at ease with making small talk about just about anything while others can't string two words together. And it's especially frustrating when you WANT to participate but the overly critical and analytic part of your brain gets the better of you. Yep, I've been there. I'm much better in groups of people where at least one person knows me - then I can be the life of the party but if I'm on my own? Oh boy. I'm getting the sweats just thinking about it I found the best way ease my way into new situations like this is to get involved in anything that almost forces you to talk with your co-workers and/or forces them to interact with you. Do you have a social club or committee? If not, perhaps you might think about starting one. That is an awesome way to not only introduce yourself to everyone but make you the keeper of the office fun times - who doesn't want to be associated with that? If you don't have or can't put together a social committee, perhaps spear head an office dress down day and have everyone donate $1 to a charity of choice. If not this then perhaps some other kind of charity initiative like a food drive or blood drive etc. Again, this will put you in control and put you face to face with some of your colleagues and elevate your presence. Maybe bake some cookies or cupcakes one night and bring them into work. Go around the office offering up your goodies. Nothing makes people happier than free food! Anyways, just a few things that have worked for me in the past. They are all great ice breakers and can often times start the ball rolling until you're comfortable enough to carry on conversations on your own. The only thing I do warn you about is not to wait too long before doing something. There really is a window of opportunity where you have a chance to still become one of them or get left behind because office relationships have had a long enough time to bond. When that happens, it becomes much harder to make your mark. Don't take too long establishing yourself. Good luck!!!! 1
Valen Posted May 20, 2014 Posted May 20, 2014 I'm shy. I've been shy my entire life and I have some close friends but other than that I really don't "make" friends. Sure I go to parties with my husband and talk with his buddies wives/girlfriends but it's never "oh lets hang out" kind of thing. Even in my teens and 20's I never called friends to do stuff and always waited for them to call me. I just felt like I was intruding if I called and never knew what to do anyways. How did you get married if you are that shy? Give it time, and keep trying to be social with them. One mistake shy people makes is they think people will judge them, but it doesn't happen, no one mind if you are shy.
AShogunNamedMarcus Posted May 20, 2014 Posted May 20, 2014 Look up "Avoidant Personality Disorder" on Wikipedia. 1
Author Mapper71 Posted May 20, 2014 Author Posted May 20, 2014 How did you get married if you are that shy? Give it time, and keep trying to be social with them. One mistake shy people makes is they think people will judge them, but it doesn't happen, no one mind if you are shy. Well once you get comfortable with someone it's not hard...especially when they really chase after you
Babolat Posted May 20, 2014 Posted May 20, 2014 You are a classic Introvert. I am an Introvert but have some Extrovert in me. Read this book: Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking: Susan Cain: 9780307352156: Amazon.com: Books This is a great Ted Talk on the subject too: Susan Cain: The power of introverts | Talk Video | TED.com I read it recently and I now know why I am the way I am and I embrace it more, rather than fighting it.
Author Mapper71 Posted May 20, 2014 Author Posted May 20, 2014 I'm extroverted with people I know really well but then they'd probably still tell you that I'm quite reserved even when I think I'm "letting loose"! It really sucks to by shy/introverted. You never hear other people saying that an extroverted person is weird, but an introverted person is the weirdest person on earth! I can't tell you how many times others thought they were being funny by saying "Wow, you just never shut up do you?" or "What was that sound I heard? It sounded like it came from your mouth!" Just SHUT UP! I get it, I'm quiet. I have been hearing it since Kindergarten. I always dreaded getting my report cards, not because I had bad grades (they were pretty decent) but because I always feared there would be some comment on there from teacher as to how quiet I was "Never volunteers in class" "Has a hard time contributing". I was so thankful when I'd get one that didn't say that. I even had kind of a strange comment from my manager a few weeks ago that eluded to my shyness. I love my job and the people, but our dept works across the street from the main building so we don't get to interact with anyone unless we go over there. We go over once a week to have our meetings there, but other than that I don't don't go over much unless I need to pick something up. I'm still not sure everyone there even knows who I am after 9 months of being here! My manager has her office across the street and after she talked to me about what I was working on, she was on her way out the door and then turned around and came back to my area and said to me "Have you been to our building across the street?" I kind of looked at her and wasn't sure I understood what she was getting at and said "What"? She goes "Have you seen our place across the street?" I'm thinking "Is she serious? Of course I've been over there numerous times". Before I could say anything she just laughs and goes 'I'm just kidding" and left. That was, I think, a rather rude and random thing to say. Why would you say something like that to your employee? Plus it took effort on her part to turn around and come back to my area to say that to me. To me it just is her saying "Why are you so anti-social". Obviously it kind of stung because I'm still thinking about it a few weeks later.
Babolat Posted May 20, 2014 Posted May 20, 2014 Read the Quiet book and watch the video; you WILL feel better. I love being an Introvert now! I embrace it.
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