Zahara Posted May 19, 2014 Posted May 19, 2014 [quote=Tally123;5708297Zahara, your last paragraph was 100% spot on. I do suffer from low self esteem and do not think enough of myself as I should. What you have said has hit home, I am putting his needs before my own and that I cannot do anymore. Especially as with him texting me is putting his needs before my own too. I am glad I am on here and can speak to people who know what they're talking about Well, let this be your first step to changing YOU. You mentioned that your low self-esteem was a factor in the demise of the relationship. Don't keep stagnating and keeping in repetitive behaviors. Take this first step for yourself -- you prioritizing your feelings, your needs, your wants and your necessities. The next time he calls/text messages, come here and talk about it. It would do you good to even read your past threads as a helpful reminder when you get weak.
Author Tally123 Posted May 19, 2014 Author Posted May 19, 2014 I believe it was a factor yes. I never thought anyone could really love me the way he did...silly I know. Near the end of our rship I said I would speak to somebody about my issues (anything) and he said I didn't need to. Then him pulling away and not making an effort fuelled those negative thoughts...vicious circle. If/when he does text me, I will definitely come here for support/advice. Thank you once again
Summerrose2013 Posted May 19, 2014 Posted May 19, 2014 Tally, I have been in a similar situation. I was in contact with him for a while, because I wanted closure and more understanding and I was upset at how awful it had ended. But once that was done, I realised it was best to break contact- at least for a few months, becasue I could not help myself CONSTANTLY checking my phone, my email, etc to see if he had contacted or replied to me. It was holding me back from moving on and showing me that I was still attached to him. I still want to be friends with him 'eventually' - my ex was NOT a bad man, we messed our RS up together and with external factors, BUT i need time to get that emotional distance. I think you need the same. It is HARD, you miss them, it's like breaking any addiction. Keep busy, spend lots of time with friends, come here and talk to us. Be strong. Give him time to miss you, if you think there may be a chance of being friends or even a reconciliation in the future. Every day will be hard, but every day you have no contact will make the next day that TINY bit easier and better.
Author Tally123 Posted May 19, 2014 Author Posted May 19, 2014 Thanks SummerRose for taking the time to reply and I am sorry to you also for what you are going through. The constant checking of media profiles/messenger services was getting to me not just mentally, but physically, I had no energy, aching etc etc. As hard as it was deleting, I know it is for the best. How can we move on if you still have a window open into that person's life. I had been quite good in not texting him first, but like I say, my strength evaporated as soon as I got a text from him. I hope I can remain strong willed, I suppose we have no choice. I am hoping the anger phase will come, or maybe it never will. Tomorrow I start again and try to re-build my life and try to see that there can be something better out there.
Author Tally123 Posted May 20, 2014 Author Posted May 20, 2014 So, first full day of social media deletion about to start. I have mixed emotions. Part of me feels majorly relieved, not having the anxious feeling every time I pick up my phone or log into Facebook. The other part of me is scared that when I really want to know something about his life, I wont be able to. I will cross that bridge when it comes to it. I miss him this morning, I dreamt that he finally changed his profile picture to something else of us. Even his friends are in my dreams. I keep thinking of the summer we will not have together with his friends. I used to have such a good time with them all. It pains me to think of them all having fun with him and his new gf eventually and I will be forgotten and a distant memory. I hope this day gets easier!
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