whirl3daway Posted May 24, 2014 Posted May 24, 2014 well that was incredibly rude and out of nowhere. rude, maybe. but as an Indian gal, I'm familiar with how enmeshed Indian guys can be with their parents and how unhealthy that dynamic is. no thanks! 1
Author you Posted May 27, 2014 Author Posted May 27, 2014 If things proceed, my suggestion would be to get to know her a lot better before you decide whether to head down the aisle. Marriage is a lifelong commitment. Make sure that you know the other person very well beforehand. Can you take several long vacations and spend 2-3 solid weeks on each trip getting to know her? Observe firsthand how she lives and how they make ends meet. You'll also get a better sense of who she really is. I would do this several more times...at a minimum. Right now you're dealing with the facade she presents herself to be and your "fantasy" of who you think she is. You need to make sure these match reality. At any rate, if she is poor, doesn't work, and seems to be living a lavish lifestyle, chances are she doesn't appreciate the value of money, budgeting, saving, etc. Even if you're both of the mindset that she will be a stay at home mom, things will be a nightmare because she will continually push to spend more money than you have. I'm sure she has wonderful qualities, but based on what little you have shared, I agree with your parents' reservations. Three very major areas of difference so far--financial philosophies, communication styles, and your abilities to resolve conflict. This is just not a good idea! Why not find someone locally? If you really prefer someone from India, why not trust your parents, and let them find someone for you? A couple of my friends (born in the US) let their parents pick someone from India or Sri Lanka after they had dated around in the US. They seem happy in their marriages. I tried that too. I told her "come spend time with me in the US for a month or let's go on a vacation, it will help get to know each other better"... I tried everything possible I can before posting on this website. The only thing I haven't done is go back to India and talk to her in person. I can't right now because I don't have enough holidays to make a trip. The worst thing I did was send this link to her. This was my last option to tell her that "Maybe i am not right, but i am not wrong in asking you your source of income" because I tried every other way. I knew it would make her mad and hate me. Her reply "My pride didn't let me answer your stupid question. I hate you". And she blocked me. Hopefully some day she understands that I was only trying to communicate and not put her down. You are right, she is a wonderful human being and that's the reason why I fell for her. I guess this situation brought the worst side of both. I definitely didn't handle my side the right way. Lesson learnt for me... Thanks angel.eyes.. I really appreciate your insight into this.. whirl3daway: I really don't know what to tell you.. Maybe you had a bad experience. It's not always the case. Once you grow older, you will appreciate the importance of parents and family...
Charlie Harper Posted May 27, 2014 Posted May 27, 2014 If your SO know your financial situation and income you ARE ENTITLED to know His/Her ways of supporting himself/herself. Its a BIG red flag if your SO withholds financial data, income and wealth, having a relationship means sharing and making a team, and if you don't / aren't willing to do it, then its not a relationship. plain and simple.
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