Rejected, followed by being Ignored. Rude? [update]

May 30, 2014

Maybe give her alittle space for afew weeks. Then send her a fun message asking if she wants to hang out as friends, like you used to etc. She might be going through some troubles or has gotten cold feet. Give her chance to miss your friendship. It is alittle rude ignoring you, but give up on your friendship too soon. Its hard to find good, genuine and fun people to hang out with.

I was a little needy the time we last spoke to eachother but it wasn't anything that should turn her away. She was unsure about what to do, it was clear.

When she appears on social media, she seems to have different personalities. One in which is immature and attention-seeking, the other is confident & talkative, one is even very shy at times (with me), which tends to be with her family too. So, she's quite insecure.

I should've waited until she was older, but never mind, I did my best at the time. I'll probably find someone better

May 31, 2014

Well, she *is* immature! She is still an adolescent and doesn't know how to navigate mature relationships yet. What she did is VERY indicative of her (and, frankly, your!) entire generation. It is avoidance behavior and is not at all unusual...

It's undoubtedly wrong that she is doing this, and I just wish she would respect the fact I helped her and made her feel special, and the friendship was great. I was thinking her parents may have restricted contact from me. I don't deserve this problem. I don't really know where my head is & what to do with myself

May 31, 2014

Tell her, that you don't understand why she's getting away from you that way and that it's immature and selfish, and ignorance won't get you both anywhere.

Of course, tell it your way, with your history in part of it and maybe more gently.

Being that straight-forward may insult or hurt her, I know that. But you're not earning anything from moving on anyway, and you're not destroying something you have with her by telling her how you feel and what you think. What she feels doesn't really matter, so long she's trying to erase you from her life, that's nothing to leave untreated.

Edited May 31, 2014 by Scrab22

May 31, 2014

Tell her, that you don't understand why she's getting away from you that way and that it's immature and selfish, and ignorance won't get you both anywhere.
Of course, tell it your way, with your history in part of it and maybe more gently.

Being that straight-forward may insult or hurt her, I know that. But you're not earning anything from moving on anyway, and you're not destroying something you have with her by telling her how you feel and what you think. What she feels doesn't really matter, so long she's trying to erase you from her life, that's nothing to leave untreated.

I'll be honest. I was a little pushy towards the end but I was always there for her no matter what. She has issues in my opinion, she seems confused, probably as she's not fully mature yet because she is 17. I'm 19, but she should respect me. I don't think she is going to speak to me. Is there a psychological way of making her respond? Would you all agree she is being immature and selfish, despite her age?

May 31, 2014

Being assertive and pointing her faults might get her to respond.

I can't think of a tricky way of getting her to respond. It requires some thinking.

Edited May 31, 2014 by Scrab22

May 31, 2014

Being assertive and pointing her faults might get her to respond.
I can't think of a tricky way of getting her to respond. It requires some thinking.

I sent a long message apologising for applying too much pressure on her and maybe coming on too strong.We misunderstood eachother & I stressed myself out by trying to go forward and handling my life at the same time. However I also told her I don't deserve to be ignored and I just want the friendship back without an awkward silence

She's making the situation worse by not responding and being awkward. I don't romance back because she evidently isn't ready for something serious and we also now live 3 hours away due to educational commitments, so the likelihood is that a relationship wouldn't work at a young age.

I don't understand why you would go silent? Does she secretly have feelings and can't reveal them? Who knows, but we were great friends and she didn't want the friendship to end. I just wish she would respond

May 31, 2014

I'll be honest. I was a little pushy towards the end but I was always there for her no matter what. She has issues in my opinion, she seems confused, probably as she's not fully mature yet because she is 17. I'm 19, but she should respect me. I don't think she is going to speak to me. Is there a psychological way of making her respond? Would you all agree she is being immature and selfish, despite her age?

her? Huh? Exactly why do you think there is something wrong with her? From your post,you might scare any girl. Leave her alone and stop acting like she owes you a bj just because you all were friends,

Are you crazy? You have switched it up from not liking her to making her talk to you. Get some therapy before you become the next.... never mind.

She is not being disrespectful. She doesn't want anything more. You did and KEPT pushing. YOU freaked her out 100% and she HAD to cut you off because you cant take "no" for an answer. Also, US gals can sense a dude who might go off,do we just take some scissor s and cut certain people out.

Your earlier post seem to point out that you have no clue on basic human interactions. She looked at you with a ling gaze....maybe that was all in your head because you wanted her so badly. Also,people are friends or acquaintances because of personality, not based on how hot he or she is. Stop befriending because of romantic feelings.

You keep saying she is a nutter and you have no romantic feeling for her. Why do you keep pressing the issue then? You are being selfish and creepy. Also,being a nice guy on not forcing yourself into someone. That goes for gals too. You though by being friends and being nice would deposit good points and a girlfriend would appear. I think you need to talk to a real man on how relationship s work. How would you feel if the roles were reversed?

Please,you are young. Don't turn out to be that guy. You are literally obsessive over her and it is getting to serious. You're going and probably have limited advice on how a guy can attain a g date. Try talking to a therapist first. 18! You're not suppose to know it all. So,it is okay. Just leave her be and get your mind right.

May 31, 2014

When you say you sent a message, do you mean right now or some time ago?

There's no logical reason to go silent in this case.

May 31, 2014

I sent a long message apologising for applying too much pressure on her and maybe coming on too strong.We misunderstood eachother & I stressed myself out by trying to go forward and handling my life at the same time. However I also told her I don't deserve to be ignored and I just want the friendship back without an awkward silence

She's making the situation worse by not responding and being awkward. I don't romance back because she evidently isn't ready for something serious and we also now live 3 hours away due to educational commitments, so the likelihood is that a relationship wouldn't work at a young age.

I don't understand why you would go silent? Does she secretly have feelings and can't reveal them? Who knows, but we were great friends and she didn't want the friendship to end. I just wish she would respond

You are being obsessive. Stop blaming her. Heck yeah she is not ready. She is 17!!!! She does not owe you anything. Stop responding to her. We've all been their,but if someone doesn't want to be bothered with me,I move on because it turns me log. I don't get bitter,I understand that they don't like my friend ship or romantic feelings. Why is not the question and is not something that needs to be addressed. The answer is no.

May 31, 2014

When you say you sent a message, do you mean right now or some time ago?
There's no logical reason to go silent in this case.

Stop feeding unhealthy advice. You seem as lost as him. So what. It is unlogical. Do you know how many unlogical things guys have done to me? Ibdont get scary over it. I move on and I don't place blame. That person was not for me and they don't owe me Jack squat.

May 31, 2014

Stop feeding unhealthy advice. You seem as lost as him. So what. It is unlogical. Do you know how many unlogical things guys have done to me? Ibdont get scary over it. I move on and I don't place blame. That person was not for me and they don't owe me Jack squat.

Because sometimes it's important to try to work things out and give the other person some senses. Maybe you don't see a reason to, which is fine. But some people (like me) just want justice done (I personally don't want to do it with force), so maybe this is why my advice seems unhealthy. It's just different advice, a different point of view.

It will probably take some time to be able to let go so quickly. It's good to let go! However, for some people and at some times it's not easy, and I can't blame Phew for this.

May 31, 2014

her? Huh? Exactly why do you think there is something wrong with her? From your post,you might scare any girl. Leave her alone and stop acting like she owes you a bj just because you all were friends,

Are you crazy? You have switched it up from not liking her to making her talk to you. Get some therapy before you become the next.... never mind.

She is not being disrespectful. She doesn't want anything more. You did and KEPT pushing. YOU freaked her out 100% and she HAD to cut you off because you cant take "no" for an answer. Also, US gals can sense a dude who might go off,do we just take some scissor s and cut certain people out.

Your earlier post seem to point out that you have no clue on basic human interactions. She looked at you with a ling gaze....maybe that was all in your head because you wanted her so badly. Also,people are friends or acquaintances because of personality, not based on how hot he or she is. Stop befriending because of romantic feelings.

You keep saying she is a nutter and you have no romantic feeling for her. Why do you keep pressing the issue then? You are being selfish and creepy. Also,being a nice guy on not forcing yourself into someone. That goes for gals too. You though by being friends and being nice would deposit good points and a girlfriend would appear. I think you need to talk to a real man on how relationship s work. How would you feel if the roles were reversed?

Please,you are young. Don't turn out to be that guy. You are literally obsessive over her and it is getting to serious. You're going and probably have limited advice on how a guy can attain a g date. Try talking to a therapist first. 18! You're not suppose to know it all. So,it is okay. Just leave her be and get your mind right.

Your points are correct. They are justifiable.

I'm just confused as to why somebody would message me every day and love talking to you, smile, blush, say goodnight with smiley faces etc, and claim you are special, and talk for hours on video chat. There's a difference between enjoying to talk to someone and all of this from my POV. That's why I think there's an issue about her, plus, she was shy minute, extremely talkative the other. She seemed a little bipolar.

I was a bit strong in the end, I agree, but she would become annoying at times such as too much talking. I stressed myself out sometimes by trying to be available as I could. I'm a panicker. I just wish I didn't freak her out. She wasn't sure what she wanted. She wanted to have a think about things but 2 months later when I asked in a conversational tone, she started backing away, and I regret it after all of that effort to talk to her.

And I judge people by personality, she is pretty with a nice personality, but seems a bit mixed up. It's probably because she's young and hasn't properly found herself yet. Clearly, I'm a little confused too. I am older and tried to help her feel better about herself because she seemed shy at first, I tried to help her feel more confident in herself and feel loved. It obviously hasn't worked.

Friendship is what I miss deeply, I started to like her when she would say that I was special etc. I felt really positive thanks to her comments, we exchanged that. I got upset the day after she claimed she can't take things seriously because of distance, because I worked so hard at it. I would come in from college, do my work as soon as I could, so I could speak to her for the night. Then, when I went on holiday, I would pay for internet in order to talk to her every day. She said that she missed me too.

I agree I was pushy, a little too invested. I became interested in her when I believed she was interested in me. Also, I said to her that is clear we're both interested in each other, and she didn't deny it, she just looked at me and smiled. That's not basic human interaction in my opinion. I scared her in the end, I know that. I just like to solve things and not leave a lingering sign of awkwardness in the air.

I just wish she would respond, then I'd be happy.

May 31, 2014

Because sometimes it's important to try to work things out and give the other person some senses. Maybe you don't see a reason to, which is fine. But some people (like me) just want justice done (I personally don't want to do it with force), so maybe this is why my advice seems unhealthy. It's just different advice, a different point of view.
It will probably take some time to be able to let go so quickly. It's good to let go! However, for some people and at some times it's not easy, and I can't blame Phew for this.

Thank you. I know I was a bit too pushy on her, but like you said, I want to solve things. She wants to still be friends but didn't reply to a nice polite conversation message, and a long message of apology. There's not much more I can do. Quite frankly, you don't ignore a friend if you want to still be friends. It's rude and hurtful. If you have put a lot of effort into something for months, then I think you deserve justice.

May 31, 2014

You are being obsessive. Stop blaming her. Heck yeah she is not ready. She is 17!!!! She does not owe you anything. Stop responding to her. We've all been their,but if someone doesn't want to be bothered with me,I move on because it turns me log. I don't get bitter,I understand that they don't like my friend ship or romantic feelings. Why is not the question and is not something that needs to be addressed. The answer is no.

I think I have discovered (eventually) the problem.

I think her issue is that she became interested in me, but once it was becoming serious and the fact that I was trying to go to the next level, she backed out because she was afraid of commitment. She's probably done this to other people too, where she will lead them on when the male wants to push but she is just too afraid. So, if that is the case, how am I suppose to reduce that problem? I suppose it's her issue, and I don't really want to reveal that to her.

May 31, 2014

Because sometimes it's important to try to work things out and give the other person some senses. Maybe you don't see a reason to, which is fine. But some people (like me) just want justice done (I personally don't want to do it with force), so maybe this is why my advice seems unhealthy. It's just different advice, a different point of view.
It will probably take some time to be able to let go so quickly. It's good to let go! However, for some people and at some times it's not easy, and I can't blame Phew for this.

We're both in the wrong but without sounding biased as much as I can, she is more in the wrong. You shouldn't ignore a good friend.

June 2, 2014

I'm just thinking about this but I'm a little hesitant about it. Although she didn't respond to my message, do you think an apology letter could be a good idea? I care about our friendship, and can I just make it clear, I don't want romance back, as I'm going to university soon and I'll likely find somebody who I can stick with forever.

I had a similar similar situation once when I was younger but with a male friend, we sat down together, and he were both happy that we discussed how our loss of friendship occurred. We are still good mates to date.

Now, this is a more difficult situation, but do you think it would be a little too much? I was thinking it may give her the 'wow, he sent me a letter, he must care about our friendship' factor, considering we didn't get to meet properly. She can then keep something that is shared between us.

June 3, 2014

I'm just thinking about this but I'm a little hesitant about it. Although she didn't respond to my message, do you think an apology letter could be a good idea? I care about our friendship, and can I just make it clear, I don't want romance back, as I'm going to university soon and I'll likely find somebody who I can stick with forever.
I had a similar similar situation once when I was younger but with a male friend, we sat down together, and he were both happy that we discussed how our loss of friendship occurred. We are still good mates to date.

Now, this is a more difficult situation, but do you think it would be a little too much? I was thinking it may give her the 'wow, he sent me a letter, he must care about our friendship' factor, considering we didn't get to meet properly. She can then keep something that is shared between us.

Dude why are you asking us? you haven't listened to people here so far when they have told you to move on, why would you listen to them now?

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Rejected, followed by being Ignored. Rude? [update]

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