Phew Posted May 18, 2014 Posted May 18, 2014 A girl who was a close friend of mine became closer and closer to me, and would absolutely love talking to me. We met at a local party, but she lives about an hour from myself. It went on for months, and she was younger than me so I tried to be respectful & mature. It was running brilliantly as we were so close and alike, but then disaster came. As she was quite unsure & shy, she was a little scared of commitment. I waited patiently but after a couple of months when I asked her again, but in a conversational way, such as meeting up, she backed out. She claimed that the distance was too much, & thought we'd meet someone in the future when we head off a different career, such as University. Now, it has became a killer to my brain, because it was clear she was into me or as great friends, which I just wanted to be friends to begin with, but I thought I would make her feel great by taking the lead, but then she backed out. I wanted to establish a lovely friendship, but it seems to have creeped her out. Weeks later, no contact. It's strange, I think I may have scared her or put a little pressure on her. She did say she wants to be friends, but ignored my friendly message. I'm hurt because our friendship was very strong, and appeared to be something special. I'd enjoy speaking to her again but I don't anything more than to be friends, because it's hurt me that my effort came to a sudden conclusion. So, what could I collectively say to her? Is it quite rude that she ignored me?
irresolute Posted May 18, 2014 Posted May 18, 2014 She doesn't want to talk to you anymore. Respect her and move on. Otherwise you'll become the creeper you're talking about. You don't see the signals? She wants you out of her life!!! 1
DArtagnan2 Posted May 18, 2014 Posted May 18, 2014 I wouldn't say creeped out and maybe more that she is putting a little space between you two because she believes you have feelings for her more then a friend. it sucks to lose the friendship, but that is always the risk when someone takes a step across that line. Some people can sustain a friendship and some are too immature to know how to do that. You wrote her she hasn't responded. Give it some more time. Reach out in awhile and just say Hey hope you are well and nothing about what happened. keep that topic out of any discussions once you two do reconnect.
preraph Posted May 18, 2014 Posted May 18, 2014 Leave her alone. If she wants to talk to you, she knows where to find you. 1
Author Phew Posted May 18, 2014 Author Posted May 18, 2014 I wouldn't say creeped out and maybe more that she is putting a little space between you two because she believes you have feelings for her more then a friend. it sucks to lose the friendship, but that is always the risk when someone takes a step across that line. Some people can sustain a friendship and some are too immature to know how to do that. You wrote her she hasn't responded. Give it some more time. Reach out in awhile and just say Hey hope you are well and nothing about what happened. keep that topic out of any discussions once you two do reconnect. Yeah that appears right. I just miss my friendship, & I feel like I creeped her out I was just aiming to move to the next level. It's seems a bit selfish that she'd always message me then suddenly BAM. Do you think she could've done it to boost her ego? Or apologise etc?
spiderowl Posted May 18, 2014 Posted May 18, 2014 She probably doesn't know how to handle someone who was a friend but wants to be more. The kinds of issues are, what if he's just being friendly because he wants more? Maybe if you just let her know you are there if she wants to continue the friendship and then give her some space, she won't feel so panicked by the situation. It's a shame to lose a friendship. You took the risk and surely it was worth the risk or you would have been forever wondering. I'm sure you'll meet someone else who you feel strongly about in the future so don't assume she's the one and only. 2
angel.eyes Posted May 18, 2014 Posted May 18, 2014 She's not being rude. She's just making it crystal clear that she's not interested in you romantically. She may also just feel a little awkward right now. It's a tough break, but it's a risk when you ask a friend out. Make other friends. If someone else comes along who interests you, ask her out. Life is about taking risks to find happiness. Don't let this episode discourage you. 1
Assasda Posted May 18, 2014 Posted May 18, 2014 A girl who was a close friend of mine became closer and closer to me, and would absolutely love talking to me. We met at a local party, but she lives about an hour from myself. It went on for months, and she was younger than me so I tried to be respectful & mature. It was running brilliantly as we were so close and alike, but then disaster came. As she was quite unsure & shy, she was a little scared of commitment. I waited patiently but after a couple of months when I asked her again, but in a conversational way, such as meeting up, she backed out. She claimed that the distance was too much, & thought we'd meet someone in the future when we head off a different career, such as University. Now, it has became a killer to my brain, because it was clear she was into me or as great friends, which I just wanted to be friends to begin with, but I thought I would make her feel great by taking the lead, but then she backed out. I wanted to establish a lovely friendship, but it seems to have creeped her out. Weeks later, no contact. It's strange, I think I may have scared her or put a little pressure on her. She did say she wants to be friends, but ignored my friendly message. I'm hurt because our friendship was very strong, and appeared to be something special. I'd enjoy speaking to her again but I don't anything more than to be friends, because it's hurt me that my effort came to a sudden conclusion. So, what could I collectively say to her? Is it quite rude that she ignored me? You became needy. You needed validation from her, so you tried to "Lock her down" by putting pressure on her, when it could have been just fine the way it was before. You just screwed yourself for no reason, or for "Trying to take the lead" I dont know what lead you were taking.... the putting pressure on her lead. Leave her alone, and move on. She may still contact you, just dont act needy like you need something from her 1
Author Phew Posted May 18, 2014 Author Posted May 18, 2014 You became needy. You needed validation from her, so you tried to "Lock her down" by putting pressure on her, when it could have been just fine the way it was before. You just screwed yourself for no reason, or for "Trying to take the lead" I dont know what lead you were taking.... the putting pressure on her lead. Leave her alone, and move on. She may still contact you, just dont act needy like you need something from her Thanks for your help guys. I'll admit I was needy but she could've said 'can we just leave it for now?' It had been months since it started. I just feel lost and I think she's probably feeling awkward about the while thing. I just thought she was scared so I encouraged things but I scared her. I feel really depressed if I'm honest! We were such good friends. I don't want to sound needy but I actually really do miss it! 2
angel.eyes Posted May 18, 2014 Posted May 18, 2014 Of course you miss the friendship! That's understandable. The feelings will pass with time. Remember, you had friends before she came along and you'll have more friends after this. You took the right action in asking her BTW. Now you're open to viewing other girls as potential GFs instead of wasting months, and possibly years, waiting on someone who wasn't interested in you romantically. You have to take risks in life to get what you want. You won't "scare" someone away who is actually interested in you by asking for a date. 2
you_can_not_see_me Posted May 18, 2014 Posted May 18, 2014 OP, you might find that being friends with the girl right now isn't even a good idea. Do you want to become jealous when you see her dating/talking about other guys? I think its best if you distance yourself for a while, start dating another girl, then you can extend an olive branch and you won't feel all that jealous cause you got your own girl.
Author Phew Posted May 18, 2014 Author Posted May 18, 2014 Of course you miss the friendship! That's understandable. The feelings will pass with time. Remember, you had friends before she came along and you'll have more friends after this. You took the right action in asking her BTW. Now you're open to viewing other girls as potential GFs instead of wasting months, and possibly years, waiting on someone who wasn't interested in you romantically. You have to take risks in life to get what you want. You won't "scare" someone away who is actually interested in you by asking for a date. Yeah i agree with you, but I did kind of pressure her, but she seemed quite nervous & scared. She seems like a sweet girl who is a little immature, but she kept wanting to think about it, as she believed it was going too fast. I did come off a bit strong to be honest but then I think to myself, I made a more confident person and happier, and was always there for her. So, I guess she's kind off missing out, without sounding full of myself. It just leaves an awkward silence between us two. A have a thought that comes into my head suggesting because I'm older, I'm the one who shpuld solve it, bur nobody knows what she's thinking exactly, and that's her issue if she can't share it. It's just really sad
angel.eyes Posted May 18, 2014 Posted May 18, 2014 You're right. It's her issue now. Now might be a good time to pick up a new hobby. You'll meet new people and possibly make a few friends in the process.
OhThatGirl Posted May 18, 2014 Posted May 18, 2014 (edited) How old is she? How old are you? You've mentioned a couple times that you're older and more mature. Here is a simple piece of advice: if the difference in age is enough that you feel she's immature and you should be "taking the lead" and managing the interaction between the two of you, the age/maturity difference is too much. You should be looking for someone who is of equal emotional maturity, not less. You don't get to take the lead, manage, decide for, or convince anyone. If she's not old enough to make a move for you, she's not old enough for a relationship with you. Though if I had to guess, she's old enough. She just doesn't want it. Speaking from experience, she's pulled away because it's awkward and she knows that you have those feelings for her when she doesn't have those feelings for you. Best thing you can do? Let her go. When she sees your happiness does not depend on her she will return to the friendship. Meanwhile say noooothing about your feelings for her and look elsewhere for companionship. Edited May 18, 2014 by OhThatGirl 1
Author Phew Posted May 18, 2014 Author Posted May 18, 2014 How old is she? How old are you? You've mentioned a couple times that you're older and more mature. Here is a simple piece of advice: if the difference in age is enough that you feel she's immature and you should be "taking the lead" and managing the interaction between the two of you, the age/maturity difference is too much. You should be looking for someone who is of equal emotional maturity, not less. You don't get to take the lead, manage, decide for, or convince anyone. If she's not old enough to make a move for you, she's not old enough for a relationship with you. Though if I had to guess, she's old enough. She just doesn't want it. Speaking from experience, she's pulled away because it's awkward and she knows that you have those feelings for her when she doesn't have those feelings for you. Best thing you can do? Let her go. When she sees your happiness does not depend on her she will return to the friendship. Meanwhile say noooothing about your feelings for her and look elsewhere for companionship. Yeah there's a bit of a difference, I was trying to be the nice genuine guy I am, because I was convinced she was interested, and I asked her if she could tell her parents about this, she said it 'wasn't a problem.' She's 17, I'm coming to the end of being 18. What do you think?
soccerrprp Posted May 18, 2014 Posted May 18, 2014 OP, leave her alone. You make her feel uncomfortable and you are certainly needy. Why would she want to be friends with someone who makes her feel uncomfortable, smothered???
Author Phew Posted May 19, 2014 Author Posted May 19, 2014 OP, leave her alone. You make her feel uncomfortable and you are certainly needy. Why would she want to be friends with someone who makes her feel uncomfortable, smothered??? I know, she appeared to start talking to other people too so I panicked which was silly of me, but she would always message me and show signs she was interested. I just want to eliminate the awkward silence. It was a nice friendship we had.
Author Phew Posted May 19, 2014 Author Posted May 19, 2014 She's not being rude. She's just making it crystal clear that she's not interested in you romantically. She may also just feel a little awkward right now. It's a tough break, but it's a risk when you ask a friend out. Make other friends. If someone else comes along who interests you, ask her out. Life is about taking risks to find happiness. Don't let this episode discourage you. Thanks for your words. She kept making comments which suggested she was interested, so that's why I encouraged moving forward. Could I just be in a platonic friendship with her? Maybe apologise for everything & explain it was a misunderstanding? I have other friends but I don't awkwardness between us two! What could I say?
FitChick Posted May 19, 2014 Posted May 19, 2014 Date another woman who will probably friendzone you. New friend! Or write a note which says: Do you like me? Circle one: YES NO
Author Phew Posted May 20, 2014 Author Posted May 20, 2014 That's the kind of bull**** that all women pull, bud. Don't feel bad. Join a monastery with me, you'd probably end up a lot happier. lol I'm not saying it was my fault but i was a little needy.My question would be why do you want to talk to someobody everyday but not be attracted to them?
okc85 Posted May 20, 2014 Posted May 20, 2014 I'm not saying it was my fault but i was a little needy.My question would be why do you want to talk to someobody everyday but not be attracted to them? because she likes talking to you. that's it. also, if someone likes you A LOT, you don't have a need to get 'needy.' It just doesn't happen. You're both excited to see each other and it takes off from there. When you meet the right girl, she isn't going to look for excuses to get rid of you. Stop talking to this girl and find the right girl for you. she's out there, but you won't find her while you're hung up on an unrequited love interest.
Author Phew Posted May 20, 2014 Author Posted May 20, 2014 because she likes talking to you. that's it. also, if someone likes you A LOT, you don't have a need to get 'needy.' It just doesn't happen. You're both excited to see each other and it takes off from there. When you meet the right girl, she isn't going to look for excuses to get rid of you. Stop talking to this girl and find the right girl for you. she's out there, but you won't find her while you're hung up on an unrequited love interest. The issue is that we were such good friends that it was annoying me she didn't want to meet up, even just as a friendship. She didn't know what she wanted in my opinion, and I'm unsure as to whether she misses our friendship or not. She's likely to be scared
Zahara Posted May 20, 2014 Posted May 20, 2014 My question would be why do you want to talk to someobody everyday but not be attracted to them? Just because I like talking to someone doesn't mean I have to be attracted to them.
Author Phew Posted May 20, 2014 Author Posted May 20, 2014 Just because I like talking to someone doesn't mean I have to be attracted to them. But everyday, claiming I'm a special person and always looking at me in a 'someone to look up to' way? It's confusing
Author Phew Posted May 20, 2014 Author Posted May 20, 2014 She's not being rude. She's just making it crystal clear that she's not interested in you romantically. She may also just feel a little awkward right now. It's a tough break, but it's a risk when you ask a friend out. Make other friends. If someone else comes along who interests you, ask her out. Life is about taking risks to find happiness. Don't let this episode discourage you. If somebody told you that you meant a lot to them, always make them feel happy, always smiling at you and staring for a number of seconds, and enjoying every minute to talk to me, then surely you would have an interest, wouldn't you?
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