Lovinlady Posted May 18, 2014 Posted May 18, 2014 My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 months. The past 2 weeks we have been on a "break" (he calls it time to think not a break) because he has a new "friend" as he calls her that he has to talk to and hang out with all the time. I am not sure if anything sexual has happened but he has shown me some of the texts between the two of them and they are way more than just friendly texts. They are sexual ones and also ones that say how much they make each other happy and they have little nicknames for each other. He is very insistent that they are just friends and nothing has ever happened between them and that I am the one he loves and cares about and wants to be with. However, since we have been on our break, he made a rule that we talk everyday and that he needs to see me at least every other day. He doesn't follow through with that though. He is insistent that we stay together and work things out but then doesn't follow through on when he says he will meet up to talk about things. I am very frustrated with the situation and have gone back and forth with the idea of just ending it all together but I do love and care about him so I haven't called things off yet. My question is, How is it that he can tell me he loves me and cares about me (but hardly show it) but want to spend all his free time with this "friend"? And why is it that if she is the one making him so happy he insist that we stay together? It makes no sense to me. Please help.
HappyLove Posted May 18, 2014 Posted May 18, 2014 You love and respect a guy who's playing you for a fool. It's time to love and respect YOURSELF. Actions are what matters NOT words. Self respect! You owe yourself better! 11
soccerrprp Posted May 18, 2014 Posted May 18, 2014 (edited) My question is, How is it that he can tell me he loves me and cares about me (but hardly show it) but want to spend all his free time with this "friend"? And why is it that if she is the one making him so happy he insist that we stay together? It makes no sense to me. Please help. It makes no sense to you b/c he is full of BS. Someone that loves you and cares about you will not treat you like crap, disrespect you, etc. [sIGH]... Actions, actions, actions. Don't make excuses for him and his behavior whatever you do. You ladies, especially seem to have this tendency to do so. His actions is what truly reveals how he feels about you. This is no break. This is an open, not-so-subtle assault on your respect and value. He is being a total jerk! Edited May 18, 2014 by soccerrprp 8
newmoon Posted May 18, 2014 Posted May 18, 2014 you are not on a break poor thing, you have been dumped. and now he is just stringing you about. why allow this? 3
AncientEchos Posted May 18, 2014 Posted May 18, 2014 This guy has put you on the back burner while he tests the waters with his new 'friend'. He is stringing you along in case things don't work out with her the way he hopes. If someone is unsure about being with me, I will help them make up their mind by walking away. Don't allow yourself to be disrespected and used like this. Go find someone who knows and appreciates what they have when they are with you. 5
preraph Posted May 18, 2014 Posted May 18, 2014 His goal: To be able to see other women while keeping you on the string as well. This is quite common. A lot of guys will try it because a lot of women will give them the benefit of the doubt and make excuses for their behavior and the crap way they're treating you. It doesn't matter if he's slept with her yet. He's up to his eyeballs trying to. He's prepared to discard you at any whim when he finds another girl attractive. He's saying you'll stay in contact just to try to keep you from walking and seeing other guys. GO! Get out there and date other guys and block this user! 2
Michelle ma Belle Posted May 18, 2014 Posted May 18, 2014 It seems you got your answer hun. I am in full agreement with everyone on here. This guy is playing you for a fool GUARANTEED! Get out. Kick his cowardly ass to the curb already. He's a raging a**hole and worse yet, you're letting him treat you like this. You deserve better...much better. Good luck. 2
Author Lovinlady Posted May 18, 2014 Author Posted May 18, 2014 You think OP will leave the guy. hahahaha He's the one that put her on break. And probably because she was nagging the hell out of him. But I think that the guy will leave you, if not for this girl, for someone else. You dont seem very secure OP. - I think that will be a part of it I am the one who wanted the break. I told him we should just break up and he insisted that we work it out. It took him 3 days to agree to the break but he refuses to call it a break he calls it time to think.
TAV Posted May 18, 2014 Posted May 18, 2014 You think OP will leave the guy. hahahaha He's the one that put her on break. And probably because she was nagging the hell out of him. But I think that the guy will leave you, if not for this girl, for someone else. You dont seem very secure OP. - I think that will be a part of it Kick a person when they are down. Lovely. 2
soccerrprp Posted May 18, 2014 Posted May 18, 2014 I am the one who wanted the break. I told him we should just break up and he insisted that we work it out. It took him 3 days to agree to the break but he refuses to call it a break he calls it time to think. Please allow me to be frank. I don't know Assasda's motivations for being cynical, but he sounds like a lot of guys who have become baffled, as I have as I spend more time on LS, to so many women's responses to men who are clearly bad for them only to return to them or stay to "try to work things out." Invariably, it fails, but women (predominantly) seem to continue making the same mistakes. You are the one who wanted to end it, but you allowed him to talk you into taking a break. Again, he controls the situation. He has the power. While he continues to sleep with other women, you are waiting for him. At least that what it sounds like. What is the purpose of this break? Why not just end what you know is not worth holding onto? He "REFUSES" to call it a break????!!!! What do you care what he calls it? Let him know it's over and don't let him in again. Take control b/c right now, as I understand it, he has all of it. Again, don't let this guy manipulate you and take you hostage. End this now before it becomes months or even years of emotional manipulation and now matter how you spin it, A WASTE OF YOUR TIME. 3
mammasita Posted May 18, 2014 Posted May 18, 2014 Sooooo you've seen these texts, they're clearly sexual, they have little nicknames for each-other so you insist on a break because you just don't know what to do. He hems and haws for three days and finally agrees to a "thinking break"?????? WHAT. THE. F*(K. Are you kidding me OP? Your boyfriend clearly has feelings for another woman and you're letting him walk all over you with muddy shoes? Grow some balls and tell him to get the hell out of your life. Seriously, it doesn't matter how much you love and care for this douche because if he had any ounce of respect for you, your feelings or how you felt about him, this would not be happening. I promise you this, if you take him back it will happen again. He is not fully committed to you. 2
todreaminblue Posted May 18, 2014 Posted May 18, 2014 op what do you want from a relationship? what is good about this particular guy ...for you..... what is most important to you in a relationship five things please....... what have your relationships in the past been like and why did they break 1
Daisy-oliviaWentcher Posted May 18, 2014 Posted May 18, 2014 Please dump him. Please please PLEASE dump him. When I look back at the way I "shudder " was treated by ex's in the past I cringe. Does he use this " break " as a time to " think" or a time to sleep around? He's full of excuses & you can do better. You can end it now & end the risk of having your heart hurt more by keeping him around. He's an *******. That's all there is to it. 1
Author Lovinlady Posted May 19, 2014 Author Posted May 19, 2014 todreaminblue...I want back what we had in the first place. We had a good relationship until he decided to be with this other woman. right now there is nothing good about him. 5 things important to me in a relationship are communication, trust, loyalty, affection and humor. Past relationships have been not great or I would still be in them. A couple guys have cheated on me. One told me I was too nice and he couldn't handle that. there were two where we decided we were better as friends then lovers. and one was physically abusive. I suggested the "break" because I thought that would make him see my point of view. I don't understand why he wants to keep dragging things out with me when our relationship is not what it should be and he feels the need to go be with another woman. I have given him nothing for the past month. no affection, no gifts, no dinner made, no laundry done yet he still insists we stay together. My confusion comes from him not wanting to end it yet he clearly wants to be with her.
soccerrprp Posted May 19, 2014 Posted May 19, 2014 Lovinlady, YOU don't get to have what you WANT when you want it. It is clear that you abdicated any power or control over the relationship to this creep. He has utterly disrespected you, made a fool out of you and continues to do so by controlling you. You continue to let him control your life, your emotions...you say that HE insists on staying together when it should be you dumping his butt! There is NO confusion here. He treats you like crap and does not respect you. You are not important to him...no confusion. NO CONFUSION. You see it clearly...you just want to ignore that fact. You want to deny it. You are heading for much more hurt if you don't end his smug, arrogant, cheating ass! By the way, if you insist on continuing to foolishly take him back, make certain you don't have unprotected sex. Make him get tested for STDs before you decide to have sex with him again. Heck, if you've had sex with him since he's started cheating, you should have one now. 1
D.Mc. Posted May 19, 2014 Posted May 19, 2014 I have given him nothing for the past month. no affection, no gifts, no dinner made, no laundry done yet he still insists we stay together. Hi Lovinlady, I have to say if you live w/him, it is more complicated. But even if not, is there any wonder he won't let go? You're feeding him, washing his clothes? As soon as he finds someone who'll do what you do (did) for him, he's definitely going to be out of there. I'm sorry past relationships have not been great, but based on what you said about them, it's clear that you need to focus on yourself for a while, without the issue of a "relationship" getting in the way. You are repeating a pattern, different men & different degrees of "abuse" but still overall the same pattern. We all deserve someone who will respect us & clichéd as it's sounds, we have to respect ourselves first. You inititating the break is not enough, you have to be firm with yourself. Don't give men (or anyone) the opportunity to hurt or use you. It doesn't mean you're selfish or mean, it means you take care of yourself first, so you can be the person anyone would want in their lives. 2
Author Lovinlady Posted May 19, 2014 Author Posted May 19, 2014 We do live together. He moved in with me. I do see the repeating pattern but am not sure how to change it. I'm a good person, I know that. I am as pretty as anyone else. I take care of myself. Before I met him I was in a good place in my life. I was happy with myself. The only thing I was missing was someone to share my life with and I found him and things were great for a bit. I do too much for others sometimes and I know I have to change that but that is how I was raised. Treat people the way you want to be treated and also help people in need. Those were two things my parents instilled in me from a young age and I still believe in those things but people tend to take advantage of that. So to break my pattern what do I do?
ja123 Posted May 19, 2014 Posted May 19, 2014 You could read up on codependency. Books: Melody Beattie "Codependent No More" Susan Forward "Emotional Blackmail" Henry Cloud "Boundaries" 1
ja123 Posted May 19, 2014 Posted May 19, 2014 Also check out the website baggagereclaim. Great site! 2
beach Posted May 19, 2014 Posted May 19, 2014 We do live together. He moved in with me. I do see the repeating pattern but am not sure how to change it. I'm a good person, I know that. I am as pretty as anyone else. I take care of myself. Before I met him I was in a good place in my life. I was happy with myself. The only thing I was missing was someone to share my life with and I found him and things were great for a bit. I do too much for others sometimes and I know I have to change that but that is how I was raised. Treat people the way you want to be treated and also help people in need. Those were two things my parents instilled in me from a young age and I still believe in those things but people tend to take advantage of that. So to break my pattern what do I do? Woah! You have dated 5 months and you ALLOWED him to move in? WHY? And have you demanded he move now since he isn't totally and utterly into ONLY YOU? In the time he's lived with you - has he paid at LEAST half of everything to run the household and at least half your rent/mortgage payment? How old are you two? It looks like you allow yourself to be a doormat. You can change that by not making it easy for your partner to take advantage of you. 1
Leigh 87 Posted May 19, 2014 Posted May 19, 2014 He isn't in love with you. Men who are truly in love don't fall for other women. He isn't that into you. Men that are into a woman certainly DO NOT send their friends sexy texts! He was never that crazy about you to begin with. Guys can ACTIONS like they are really into you when they really aren't. It happens ALL the time.
irresolute Posted May 19, 2014 Posted May 19, 2014 Assasda is a really cool guy, always cheering up. Op, you should talk again with bf. tell him you feel uncomfortable with all this situation. It could be anything but just talk to him and let him know that this situation sucks for you. Good luck with that
freetolove Posted May 29, 2014 Posted May 29, 2014 Please read your post. It's very depressing. DUMP HIM ASAP If you stay with him you are retarded (I'm not saying it to be mean, you need a serious wake up call) HE SHOWS YOU TEXTS that are SEXUAL. WAKE UP!
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