STM206 Posted May 18, 2014 Posted May 18, 2014 It's been said that dealing with a breakup is much like dealing with a death. We go through a grieving process, some short, some long. I'm asking you guys here on loveshack to share your experiences and to share what stage was the hardest/how long did it take for each one. What stage are you in now? The most coming stages I see are. Shock Denial Bartering Anger Depression Acceptance After a 4 year relationship - I've gotten over the shock and bartering stage. I've gone through some depression over this and I still have a little denial going on (false hope of things changing). I don't think I've hit anger or acceptance yet.
Strength in Healing Posted May 18, 2014 Posted May 18, 2014 What a lot of people do not know about the stages of grief model is that it is NOT meant to be experienced in the way people have unfortunately come to think. A lot of people experience the stages out of order, or skip stages altogether. This is a message for everyone, do not believe there are truly stages that everyone goes through. That being said, I hit anger right off the bat, then went into shock, now back to anger/slowly going into indifference. Been about 3.5 months. 2
zen2475 Posted May 18, 2014 Posted May 18, 2014 Strength in Healing is correct. The stages of grief are not linear, and everyone experiences them in different ways. The important thing is to acknowledge what you are feeling and allow yourself to feel it. In that you will heal, grow and learn.
Author STM206 Posted May 18, 2014 Author Posted May 18, 2014 Makes sense, although I would hope that all of us reach acceptance at some point.
zen2475 Posted May 18, 2014 Posted May 18, 2014 I accepted my break up right away, but still have been dealing with sadness and anger. It does get better over time. I'm just working to the point of ambivalence, and hope some day I can look back upon the relationship with gratitude and fond memories. Just not there yet.
Always Pondering Posted May 18, 2014 Posted May 18, 2014 I went through the stages in this order: Shock -> Bartering -> Anger -> Denial -> Acceptance. There were pieces of depression thrown around in there but only felt anger twice really. I'm certainly not fully recovered but I know for a fact I will not be going back to the "previous" stages that I went through so I'm happy for that. I know my time will come soon enough I've been about 4 months NC, 1-year after BU. For most of the year I didn't do anything at all to heal and just sat around hoping things would turn around, recently however I have greatly improved.
Elle1975 Posted May 18, 2014 Posted May 18, 2014 What a lot of people do not know about the stages of grief model is that it is NOT meant to be experienced in the way people have unfortunately come to think. A lot of people experience the stages out of order, or skip stages altogether. This is a message for everyone, do not believe there are truly stages that everyone goes through. That being said, I hit anger right off the bat, then went into shock, now back to anger/slowly going into indifference. Been about 3.5 months. For me it's been denial. I am still in it as I believe he loved and loves me still, even though he said he didn't feel the same as I did. Denial makes me believe I haven't accepted the break up, although I do my best to stay NC, so far successfully. I'm in a great deal of depression at the moment. It's no fun. Sprinkle the whole thing with anger, you have my stages right there. 1
lamis Posted May 18, 2014 Posted May 18, 2014 While the model doesn't work for everyone, I have to say that the anger stage has definitely helped me feel better, because it has let me let go of any hope I had left as well as finally realizing how messed up what my ex did to me was, instead of having her on some crazy kind of pedestal that I had through all the other stages.
BC1980 Posted May 18, 2014 Posted May 18, 2014 I experienced denial for about 7 months while I was still in contact with my ex. During that time, I also experienced anger, depression, and bargaining. Keeping in contact fueled my denial that it was over for good. After I went NC, I hit depression pretty hard, but I stuck to NC. It's been 6 months, and I am going through acceptance. I still have sadness, but it's not full blown depression. I rarely get angry anymore.
elseaacych Posted May 18, 2014 Posted May 18, 2014 The only stage I "skipped" was bartering. Right now I am fluctuating between anger, depression, and acceptance, depending on how well my day is going.
km19 Posted May 18, 2014 Posted May 18, 2014 The only stage I "skipped" was bartering. Right now I am fluctuating between anger, depression, and acceptance, depending on how well my day is going. Ditto. 1. Wake up trying to comprehend everything = depression 2. Realize that I will never get all the answers = acceptance 3. See something that brings up memories = depression 4. Quickly think back to how she lied multiple times right to my face = anger Rinse and repeat. Obviously, going forward I aim to let 2 and 4 consume my mind more than the others and I do feel a difference. The "depression" element comes around less and less every day. Personally, I think the "anger" stage can also be considered facing reality. I think back to all the lies and cowardly acts and while it does make me angry, it reflects reality. The key is letting the reality mask and outweigh the "depression" stage 2
jbelle6 Posted May 18, 2014 Posted May 18, 2014 It's been said that dealing with a breakup is much like dealing with a death. We go through a grieving process, some short, some long. I'm asking you guys here on loveshack to share your experiences and to share what stage was the hardest/how long did it take for each one. What stage are you in now? The most coming stages I see are. Shock Denial Bartering Anger Depression Acceptance After a 4 year relationship - I've gotten over the shock and bartering stage. I've gone through some depression over this and I still have a little denial going on (false hope of things changing). I don't think I've hit anger or acceptance yet. I had acceptance right away, no denial, I knew that was it and I know he isn't coming back. I never had anger, though I wish I did, I think it would make it easier maybe? So, I'd say I had shock, acceptance, and now I have a bit of depression. I find when I have bad thoughts that intense exercise makes me feel better. Seems to lift my mood so at least I'll be in great shape, silver lining lol.
Elle1975 Posted May 18, 2014 Posted May 18, 2014 I had acceptance right away, no denial, I knew that was it and I know he isn't coming back. I never had anger, though I wish I did, I think it would make it easier maybe? So, I'd say I had shock, acceptance, and now I have a bit of depression. I find when I have bad thoughts that intense exercise makes me feel better. Seems to lift my mood so at least I'll be in great shape, silver lining lol. Hehe yeah.. the gym is good. I am sick as a dog, the flu or whatever I got, so I haven't gone to the gym I am going back as soon as I am on my feet.
sly_fly1 Posted May 19, 2014 Posted May 19, 2014 yes they call it dabda depression anger barganing denial acceptance, i think shock falls into depression. i got my ex back, and went through hell doing so. i thought it was impossible, i never did move past the first stage of dabda. i was stuck in depression, if you want her back, you will go through hell, but anyone would go through hell for s omeone they love, if not , then forgive and forget
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