AnneT1985 Posted May 18, 2014 Posted May 18, 2014 Hi y'all! Hope everyone is doing great! Can I please have some insights and opinions please? I was going to post this under "friends" but then realized it is more of a relationship fundamental issue and so posted it here and hope y'all can help, and that my post makes sense. I have a friend I'll call Jen who I have relatively limited contact with- I see her a few times a year and reach out at holidays and special occasions etc and that is just fine by me but she mentioned to me lately that she does not like that and wants more of a friendship and to hang out. The thing is her grievances are things I can not change at a fundamental level. Please allow me to elaborate. We are both parents. And so I completely understand how consuming children are. However, I also enjoy other things and have varied hobbies when possible and friends in those hobbies, friends who enjoy all sorts of different things, single friends etc. Jen chooses by her own admission not to have interests and hobbies outside of her children, her children must accompany her to everything or she doesn't go, and she has told me she chooses not to read, watch the news and that education and travel are "pointless". Her interests and topics of discussion include her children and what other people's are up to. I say to each's own! I can certainly talk about her children, but only up to a point. The problem lies in that she has told me, and many others, that we act "snobby" and "act better than her" when we use "big words" and converse about other topics besides her children. From my perspective, people are simply trying to include her in various discussions and quite frankly can not change how they speak. She gets very defensive in terms of a logical discussion. So as a result, I do not speak about things other than her children, which is why we have more limited contact than I do with some of my other friends naturally. This seems to be a real fundamental issue as I can not change her grievances or the way I speak or how I want to pursue my life and interests and I'm wondering how to deal with this or if it is even possible to continue a relationship with such a fundamental difference? Thanks so much y'all for all of your support. This board rocks!!! xx
central Posted May 18, 2014 Posted May 18, 2014 You are very different people, and her attitudes and lack of interests clash directly with who you are fundamentally. She wants more from you, but to give more will cost you far too much for nothing in return. Unfortunately, I'd say you need to end this friendship, as nothing you do can change her lack of intellectual curiosity, and to give up yours would be a tragedy. 1
Els Posted May 18, 2014 Posted May 18, 2014 There is room for varied interests and preferences between friends. However, 'Jen' seems very uncompromising, so there would be less room than usual for variation with her. I don't think you should bother. 1
Haydn Posted May 18, 2014 Posted May 18, 2014 Mates accept each others differences. Or so they should. Mind you my neighbours are complete..... What big words?
angel.eyes Posted May 18, 2014 Posted May 18, 2014 Any relationship is a two-way street. Here, things seem fairly one-sided. Sometimes you just have to accept that you're no longer compatible with someone, especially when they refuse to adapt to meet in the middle. It happens. Be friendly and pleasant when you run into her or she reaches out. Otherwise, I would expend my energies elsewhere, where things are more mutual. 2
bubbaganoosh Posted May 18, 2014 Posted May 18, 2014 It just blows me away that we were given a brain and the ability to learn new things and some people choose to turn their nose up to exploring new things in life. I think it just ignorant that someone puts another down for keeping up with current events and using words with more than two syllables. If she chooses to remain semi literate then that's her problem.
Recommended Posts