Giggle Posted May 18, 2014 Posted May 18, 2014 I, for one, am pretty oblivious. I will wonder after a bit. Takes awhile for 'oh' lol
Gottabestrong Posted May 18, 2014 Posted May 18, 2014 I have to admit that I am usually oblivious to guys being interested in me. I just assume that when people talk to me in a setting that is not a nightclub/bar/etc. they are just being friendly, social, etc. and I would feel very arrogant if I assumed that every guy I talk to repeatedly is interested in me. That being said, it sounds like you showed some clear signs of being interested in more than friendship. I am talking about your obvious looks checking out her body, if someone did that to me I would assume they saw me as more than a friend. But in my experience most guys are not that obvious and the other things you described (sitting next to each other in class, talking, hanging out) could be the actions of a friend. I have a few male friends who act that way with me and if they suddenly asked me out on a date I would be really surprised and taken aback.
NYC-BigKat Posted May 18, 2014 Posted May 18, 2014 I ask this because I thought it was super obvious to this girl that I was attracted to her, but she still played along with my subtle flirting and hitting on her, she kept sitting right beside me in class and the few times we hanged out outside class, she was pretty willing to ask personal questions and let on personal information. Yet when I officially asked her out she said she was seeing someone aka got rejected. my question is why would she play along if she had no intention of going out? I have a hard time believing she did not notice my interest in her, other girls I have known were pretty good at picking up on this stuff. so is it a case of the girl just being oblivious, or did she know and just wanted to string me along a little bit? Oh no she's teasing u! I know about this a lot u know 'cause it used to keep on happening to me & the girl never even liked me . Be very very careful.
jay1983 Posted May 18, 2014 Posted May 18, 2014 sure I ll try to be more aggressive, but I also want to hear what girls have to say about my question. You want girls to admit they string guys along and wear low cut tops, short skirts because they like the attention and like the fact that they're wanted by guys. Not on this forum buddy.
xxoo Posted May 18, 2014 Posted May 18, 2014 She probably notices you signs of romantic interest, but you aren't noticing her signs of no romantic interest. Can't men tell when a woman is attracted vs being friendly? 1
spiderowl Posted May 18, 2014 Posted May 18, 2014 Being interested in a girl doesn't necessarily mean you want to date her. She might have suspected but also thought perhaps you were just being friendly. It's not always obvious that a guy is flirting? If it was, there wouldn't be so many messages from girls on here asking if a guy is interested in them. If a guy comes and talks to me and is chatting and friendly, does that mean he wants to date me? How would I know until he asks? 1
BlueIris Posted May 18, 2014 Posted May 18, 2014 you didn't really answer my question, you just said a male friend of yours ogles girls. I don't ogle girls, I test them. I sometimes checkout a girl and if it seems that made her uncomfortable I don't do it again, if it seems like she liked it I take that as a sign of interest. the girl I mentioned seemed to like it when I checked her out. Being flattered is one thing. But some women reject leerers. I suppose I'm oblivious but it’s because I don’t care until he does something about it, like ask me out. Really, what does it matter? You're not being victimized or mistreated because someone is friendly to you. Your internal agenda can't be projected into tother people. Never assume that other people know what you're thinking and feeling.
Author you_can_not_see_me Posted May 18, 2014 Author Posted May 18, 2014 I can see where all the people who say she was just trying to be friends are coming from, the thing with this girl though is our interactions were charged from the very beginning, even a little awkward initially, I could have even sworn that by the way she interacted with me she knew what was up. My intentions with this girl were obvious enough in class, that the other classmates knew something was up between me and her. Yet she played along and even instigated a lot of this. I just think there is a pretty clear contrast between a guy who wants to just be friends and one who is romantically interested. The guy who just wants to be friends doesn't go out of his way to interact with a girl, its just happens. I certainly would never eye **** a girl who I just saw as a friend.
Author you_can_not_see_me Posted May 18, 2014 Author Posted May 18, 2014 (edited) Being lead on frustrates me, cause even though I found this girl attractive from the beginning, I didn't really care about her until she started acting like she was interested. Thinking a girl is interested often leads me to developing some feelings for her, if she hadn't lead me on like that I wouldn't have developed the feelings I did. I could have just brushed off this girl before all this stuff, but now it actually stings. I ll get over and move on pretty soon, but whether it was the girl's intention or not, her actions added an unnecessary extra weight on my life. Edited May 18, 2014 by you_can_not_see_me
Imported Posted May 18, 2014 Posted May 18, 2014 (edited) Holy ****, just ask her out. Did she say yes? Ok. Did she say no? Ok. Done. I see you did ask her out and got rejected. Move on. You don't have "feelings" for her. You don't even know her and you know she is not interested. You just don't have any other girls to occupy your interest. Edited May 18, 2014 by Imported 3
Imported Posted May 18, 2014 Posted May 18, 2014 I ll get over and move on pretty soon, but whether it was the girl's intention or not, her actions added an unnecessary extra weight on my life. I don't see how that is her problem or fault. It's all your own thinking that allowed it to be "an unnecessary extra weight on (your) life." It's good you're moving on, hopefully you'll learn from it. There was nothing there. There is nothing to move on from.
Author you_can_not_see_me Posted May 18, 2014 Author Posted May 18, 2014 Holy ****, just ask her out. Did she say yes? Ok. Did she say no? Ok. Done. I see you did ask her out and got rejected. Move on. You don't have "feelings" for her. You don't even know her and you know she is not interested. You just don't have any other girls to occupy your interest. I appricate the sentiment, I really do. But feelings aren't like a switch where you can just turn it on or off on command. I wish it was like that, but it isn't. I will move on and get over this girl in a little bit, but it might take a while. There is one other girl I am trying my luck with, but that one can also lead to a rejection But I all get over that too.
spiderowl Posted May 18, 2014 Posted May 18, 2014 I am not asking for advice. I am asking whether girls are really that oblivious to a guy being interested in them or did this girl just not give a damn that she was stringing along some guy. Why assume she was stringing you along? If you have friends or colleaues in common, then they may well have told you she was attached. It's not exactly polite to start conversations with someone with 'I'm attached, don't even consider me.' It would seem a bit presumptuous. She might have thought you probably knew and were just flirting for the fun of it.
Author you_can_not_see_me Posted May 18, 2014 Author Posted May 18, 2014 I don't see how that is her problem or fault. It's all your own thinking that allowed it to be "an unnecessary extra weight on (your) life." It's good you're moving on, hopefully you'll learn from it. There was nothing there. There is nothing to move on from. there really isn't much to learn from this case. I guess I can learn to be more direct and forward, but that's it. Every girl is a different case and previous experience doesn't necessarily translate to better performance in the next episode.
2sunny Posted May 18, 2014 Posted May 18, 2014 you got to be kidding me:laugh: a guy looking at your goods is a clear induction the guy is attracted to you, especally if he lets you catch him doing that. Also the girl did not give me an awkward smile, after staring at her legs we actually started hanging outside of class a bit. Why would a girl do that while she knows I want to **** her? it makes it seem like she is giving me an invitation to go farther with her. So - you weren't REALLY a interested in getting to KNOW HER - you were mainly interested in sex with her? That could be YOUR problem. It's a problem because you posted under the guise that you were interested in dating her - then later revealed that you mainly wanted sex with her. Women can tell when you intend to use them instead of REALLY being interested in who they are as a person! She may not have a BF at all - she may have just figured out early that you intend to use women.
Author you_can_not_see_me Posted May 18, 2014 Author Posted May 18, 2014 Why assume she was stringing you along? If you have friends or colleaues in common, then they may well have told you she was attached. It's not exactly polite to start conversations with someone with 'I'm attached, don't even consider me.' It would seem a bit presumptuous. She might have thought you probably knew and were just flirting for the fun of it. first, we don't have common friends. second, she didn't need to explicitly say she was seeing someone, she could have just not encouraged my pursuit as much as she did. lastly I am not even sure if she really is in a serious relationship, the way she said she was seeing someone, made it sound like they just recently started dating and it wasn't serious. she could have also just said she was seeing someone to reject me that way. My impression of her was that she was single before asking her out, because like a lot of single women she looked around more, while taken girls seem like they are occupied and are less interested in meeting new people.
Imported Posted May 18, 2014 Posted May 18, 2014 there really isn't much to learn from this case. I guess I can learn to be more direct and forward, but that's it. Every girl is a different case and previous experience doesn't necessarily translate to better performance in the next episode. What you need to learn is about investing too much interest in women you don't even know. 1. You're setting yourself up for a hard crash if you ever work up the courage to ask her out. 2. You're setting yourself up for an almost gauranteed rejection because when most people get the feeling you "like them too much" they're going to say no. It's too much pressure too soon. (yes you did, otherwise you wouldn't have anything to get over now) Keep it easy, keep it simple, keep it lite. 1
Author you_can_not_see_me Posted May 18, 2014 Author Posted May 18, 2014 So - you weren't REALLY a interested in getting to KNOW HER - you were mainly interested in sex with her? That could be YOUR problem. It's a problem because you posted under the guise that you were interested in dating her - then later revealed that you mainly wanted sex with her. Women can tell when you intend to use them instead of REALLY being interested in who they are as a person! She may not have a BF at all - she may have just figured out early that you intend to use women. Yes I want to have sex with this girl first and foremost, But that doesn't mean I don't also like her, like I said in a couple of posts I have some feelings for her. I doubt my sexual interest offended her, she strikes me as a sexually liberated girl who doesn't shy away from sex. But I do agree that she may not have a BF, and just used that to reject me. 1
Author you_can_not_see_me Posted May 18, 2014 Author Posted May 18, 2014 What you need to learn is about investing too much interest in women you don't even know. 1. You're setting yourself up for a hard crash if you ever work up the courage to ask her out. 2. You're setting yourself up for an almost gauranteed rejection because when most people get the feeling you "like them too much" they're going to say no. It's too much pressure too soon. (yes you did, otherwise you wouldn't have anything to get over now) Keep it easy, keep it simple, keep it lite. you sound like my brother. I agree if I was going to go through this again I would be more casual about it, but I m also not going to be hard on myself for falling for this girl a bit, it happens.
PJKino Posted May 18, 2014 Posted May 18, 2014 Can't men tell when a woman is attracted vs being friendly? Alot of times its not easy at all to differentiate
stillafool Posted May 18, 2014 Posted May 18, 2014 First of all why do you always have dots in your posts? second I wasn't that subtle really. sure I didn't try to kiss, but we made A LOT of eye contact, a few times she herself stared at me for close to 10 seconds (which I thought was a little too much), and on a number of occasions I on purpose let her see me checking out her thighs/legs and cleavage and it never made her uncomfortable, in fact she smiled at me a couple of times when I did that. You wanna tell me that was too subtle. If she is goodlooking you are probably not the only guy that gives her looks and flirts. She was just flirting. There's no harm in that but she won't go out with you because she's taken.
Author you_can_not_see_me Posted May 18, 2014 Author Posted May 18, 2014 If she is goodlooking you are probably not the only guy that gives her looks and flirts. She was just flirting. There's no harm in that but she won't go out with you because she's taken. Yes, she's pretty hot and a number of guys in class did hit on her, but she behaved differently with me than she did with the other guys, which she brushed off mostly. I guess I could have just another one of those guys.
Phoe Posted May 19, 2014 Posted May 19, 2014 I'm always oblivious. I never know, and when I find out, I'm typically surprised.
Author you_can_not_see_me Posted May 19, 2014 Author Posted May 19, 2014 You know what I ll take the whole situation with this girl as some sort of compliment. It wasn't the compliment I wanted. But this girl obviously thought I was a cool guy (which I totally am ), whether she was already taken or just wasn't feeling the attraction, it just didn't work out the way I wanted, but hey on a level it will be her loss. I already have a couple of other girls I m texting, so I can be occupied by that.
lino Posted May 19, 2014 Posted May 19, 2014 Many people will tell you that girls are really good at picking up when a guy likes them, and that they almost have a sixth sense about that stuff. It's all a load of crap. In my experience women are terrible at it and can never tell when I like them, unless I'm being super obvious, and even then they might not have a clue. A big problem of that is that for some reason women are more inclined to believe that guys just want to be friends with them than the most likely truth that the guys really just want to get in her pants. They ARE very good at picking those signals up. They just play dumb afterwards so they can wash their hands of any accountability later on and blame it on the bloke as usual. All this is done purely for attention seeking and boredom stemming from a very empty life. 1
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