Supernova007 Posted May 18, 2014 Posted May 18, 2014 Hi, I'm 25 years old, male , virgin and an atheist. My problem may seems too long and very complicated, simply "I DON"T TRUST ANY FEMALE" to be a girlfriend. My entire life was about work and work only. from the age of 16 till this moment. Never noticed any girl even interested in me or shows me any kind of interest Except my female friends of course. On Feb 2012 I weight 379 lbs 6ft tall, I decided I want a relationship, and be desired by girls. On Aug 2012 after a super extreme workout, my weight dropped to 248 lbs and I became very fit. And exercise extremely every day. The problem now is in my mind after all the girls around me showed me that they are interested in me and try to flirt with me. I lose my respect for them, and push them away from me. I remember one of them tried to drag me to her home to fix her computer, then she tried to have sex with me. Now all I do is pushing every girl or women away, and I don't trust them. It's really disappointing to me to push girls tries to get with me away. And my Facebook is bombered by messages from girls tries to get to me for my body not my mind or my personalty. I hated my body when I was overweight and I hated it when I'm fit. Other problem with me is the definition (in my mind) about any relationship is marriage and marriage only. I don't know if I tried to lose my virginity to a prostitute I would be more open about my issues or not. And I don't have counseling in my country. Thanks.. Please advise ...
cshim Posted May 18, 2014 Posted May 18, 2014 Where do you live? North Korea?? Most countries will have some sort of counselling service if that's what you think you need. Otherwise, don't lose your virginity to a prostitute. You'll probably exchange your virginity for something far less desirable (physical and psychological). 2
Author Supernova007 Posted May 18, 2014 Author Posted May 18, 2014 Thanks for your reply, I'm from middle east, the problem is how to respect women again?
cshim Posted May 18, 2014 Posted May 18, 2014 If you're from a wealthy Middle Eastern country like Qatar, UAE, or Kuwait then you should be able to find some kind of counselling as those countries have better health infrastructure and large expat communities. If you're from Yemen or Iraq, I sympathize. Hard as it may be, stop thinking of every girl in the context of sex. I'm sure there are some girls who have qualities you admire like intelligence or a sense of humor. Focus on attributes like that. 1
Grumpybutfun Posted May 18, 2014 Posted May 18, 2014 Hi, I'm 25 years old, male , virgin and an atheist. My problem may seems too long and very complicated, simply "I DON"T TRUST ANY FEMALE" to be a girlfriend. My entire life was about work and work only. from the age of 16 till this moment. Never noticed any girl even interested in me or shows me any kind of interest Except my female friends of course. On Feb 2012 I weight 379 lbs 6ft tall, I decided I want a relationship, and be desired by girls. On Aug 2012 after a super extreme workout, my weight dropped to 248 lbs and I became very fit. And exercise extremely every day. The problem now is in my mind after all the girls around me showed me that they are interested in me and try to flirt with me. I lose my respect for them, and push them away from me. I remember one of them tried to drag me to her home to fix her computer, then she tried to have sex with me. Now all I do is pushing every girl or women away, and I don't trust them. It's really disappointing to me to push girls tries to get with me away. And my Facebook is bombered by messages from girls tries to get to me for my body not my mind or my personalty. I hated my body when I was overweight and I hated it when I'm fit. Other problem with me is the definition (in my mind) about any relationship is marriage and marriage only. I don't know if I tried to lose my virginity to a prostitute I would be more open about my issues or not. And I don't have counseling in my country. Thanks.. Please advise ... This is more common than you might think. Often when people lose large amounts of weight, as you did, they aren't emotionally able to deal with the aftermath. Just because you have lost the weight doesn't mean that you aren't internally and subconsciously still dealing with many of your emotional hangups. If you cannot see a therapist, use your internet to look up things like emotional baggage after extreme weight loss or dating after losing lots of weight. Many people who have been heavy most of their lives, especially in their formative years, can not be able to navigate the dating scene because you haven't developed the tools to do so. Also, go to an online bookstore to see if you can find books on weight loss and dating. Though I understand your confusion about your feelings, from what I have read just from a quick look on the internet, you aren't alone and there are things written which can help you see the psychological ramifications of what you are concerned with. Congratulations on improving your external health, now time to improve your internal health, Grumps 1
Author Supernova007 Posted May 18, 2014 Author Posted May 18, 2014 Thanks for your reply, I'm trying to find a book related to my issues, but I can't find even one ... I thought if I lost weight my life would be stable, but it's not easy as I thought :'( ... I'm emotionally destructed and really turning all the girls trying to get with me off pissing me off me so much. When I try to think of a girl as a human being or focus on what's in her brain. I immediately remember that she is trying to get me for my body only.. and you know this is so sad and hard. more than any one on the planet think. It's just disappointment after disappointment. anyway thanks for your beautiful words .
jbelle6 Posted May 27, 2014 Posted May 27, 2014 I guess remember that women are someone's mother or sister or daughter, I'm sure you would want them treated with respect. I think this is a hang up, because unless you look like Brad Pitt circa Thelma and Louise, I think you are misreading the women you meet. Women don't just jump on men trying to seduce them, though I'm sure men wish they did lol. 1
Author Supernova007 Posted May 27, 2014 Author Posted May 27, 2014 Thanks for your reply, I don't mean by disrespecting them is being rude or something. It's just deep in my mind, I just walk away and reject them. I will tell you an example for my issue more detailed than the above, couple of months ago. A girl who rejected me 2 years ago (bad type of rejection) and I had (till she did that) a deep feelings for her, asked me for a date. All I said is why you rejected me before in a franky way. She said the number one reason is because I lost weight, and I'm someone who can get things done. Number two reason was she was stupid for doing such a thing. I got shocked from her answer and just told her to I'm not interested right now and played LJBF. I know that there are many women who are interested in the person himself not his body, career or money. But the problem is, when I see a girl trying to have my attention or trying to seduce me, my way of thinking of her is changing that she isn't into me. I tried to give myself a chance and even some of the girls a chance but after a few minutes I find a tons of weight into my chest, and just tell her that I'm not the right person for her only LJBF. After a while I find my self disappointed from what I've done and so the next girl and the next ... How to just assure to myself that there is some girl is into my personality :'( Note: I have mom, one sister and lots of female friends. And I love and respect them all. The problem is when dealing with a female for the purpose of dating. Starting to get the idea ?
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