Phillygirl27 Posted May 18, 2014 Posted May 18, 2014 I've known this guy since October. We were both attracted to each other. We would talk all the time, hang out all the time, and I would express how I felt to him. He would express how he felt indirectly, but for the most part I knew he liked me. Somewhere along the lines, when we had talked about sex(in general terms) he found out that I had only been with one guy and that I had a requirement that the only way I would have sex with a guy was if we were in a relationship and he sort of backed away. Sure we still hung out, and he was still attracted to me, etc. But it seems like shortly before I had talked with him about sex, he had already known I was prudish anyway so we became friends, because I got the feeling that he wasn't interested in commitment at the time. And always had his fair share of women throwing themselves at him, so he didn't really need to commit just for sex, and certainly wouldn't commit without knowing what the sex would be like. So I was ruled out as a prospect. Yes it hurt but it was the reality. So we were friends for a while. Both dated other people, etc. A month or so ago he all of the sudden started to act interested in me again. It was different then how it was earlier this year. I'm a single mom and he started asking a lot of questions about my son. Seeming more interested in how I was doing. He wanted to hang out way more often than before. He was flirting way more. And finally admitted that he liked me. It was weird and I didn't understand why all the sudden he liked me again. But I just sort of rolled with it cautiously. Since we were friends, and since I was cautious, I remained friends with him, and just kept him at a distance. We hung out and once again he told me he wanted to date me. I brushed him aside. And realized it was a bad idea to hang out with him too often, because it was confusing me and causing me to like him. The last couple of weeks he's been talking about sex with me a lot. Not having sex with me persay but just sex in general. For instance last week, I sent him a link to this really pretty actress, showing him the tattoo she had that I was considering getting. And he responded that she was very attractive. And I agreed but said that her butt was too big to me. He didn't agree with me and then went on to say that she would make him orgasm very quickly. I found it weird and just responded with "you should work on that' and tried to change the subject. He then went on to explain that with girls he is just doing for a ONS or as purely sex he doesn't care how fast he orgasms because it's just about sex. But with girlfriends then yes he does care and he'll do everything to satisfy her and that he had good d***. It was weird. Like the converstation lasted about 20 minutes. Then yesterday, somehow we got on this conversation about oral. And he said that he would only perform oral on a girl he is in a relationship with, but other girls he won't. And I was just like "yeah, I agree. You know how I am already. I only do oral with a guy that is my bf." Or something alone those lines. And he sent me several emoticon with tears of joy. And then asked me to come over that night. And I was like "what?" And he said(I kid you not) "Let's 69 each other and see who, can make who cum first". I was really shocked, after he's known me all this time, why he would even think I would do that... Especially after I had established that I would only do that with a boyfriend. SO I asked him if he was serious. And he said that he was. At that point I didn't even know how to respond. I said that first of all I only do that with guys I'm dating, that I was on my period, and that I already had plans for the night. He said that it was okay, that we can still do stuff and that he'll take care of me when I'm off my period. I was just like wtf... So then I finally just confronted him and asked him if he was trying to be a FWB or a ONS, or what was his intention? And I followed up with, he can be honest with me, if he just wants sex then let me know. He said that he is as honest as they come, and that he already knows how I am, and that I'm not like that and that he wasn't trying to come at me like that, and that yes he would f*** the s*** out of me, but he knows that I'm not having it so he won't go near it. And I was just like ok... And I assumed that maybe I misunderstood, and it was all a joke. But the conversation didn't end there. He then asked me which bar I was going to. I told him and I said that if he wants to come, that he is welcome to, since he knows some of the people there. And he was like "so you can make a move on me?" and i was like "no...???" And he asked me if I would come home with him after. And once again ???? I was like "why so you can get head?" and he was like "smh... wtf.. yep cuz that's all I want from you." And then he said nvm. And he continued to text me throughout the day. And then texted me earlier today asking me to hang out with him. I was hungover so I told him I could not. I honestly don't know if this is some big game or test to him. He has girls throw themselves at him all the time(I've been there when it's happened). And has no problem getting sex, or oral, or anything. He admitted to me at one point that it turns him off though when girls are like that. And yet, even though he claims he isn't coming at me like that--he is obviously. The odd thing about it all, is that whenever we hang out, yes he will try to hold my hand, and he will be really sweet to me, but never will try anything physical. But clearly he wants to have sex. I'm not sure if this is some game for him, or what is going on.
HappyLove Posted May 18, 2014 Posted May 18, 2014 Is this really the guy you want to be a role model to and have around your son? If yes then continue. He's very disrespectful once he gets what he wants he'll leave you in the dust and you'll only have yourself to blame because you knew going in that he's a player. He's speaking to you like this because you allow it. 1
Author Phillygirl27 Posted May 18, 2014 Author Posted May 18, 2014 He has never been around my son. I definitely agree that this is being done for shock value. Him and his friends joke like this all the time with each other and they find the dirty jokes, talks, memes and pics funny. He sent me naked pics of this woman that I know who sent him pics of herself. And has shown me some of the convos he has with his friends and so I'm aware that this is what they do. I just find it odd because he says he knows I'm not like that and yet why is he telling me he has good d&&& and asking me to do 69 with him. The other day I told him that i feel like a lot of guys that I meet just want sex. He commented and said that most grown men are pass that stage and that he likes to take it slow etc. He knows I'm a good girl etc. So is it just jokes to him to talk to me that way or just him seeing how I will respond. The other day when I had told him he should hang out with me, he asked me if I was getting warm and fuzzy thinking about the two of us together. And I was just like wtf, no and basically telling him he was thinking way too much about things. He got upset and told me I always ask him questions and do things and then pretend like I don't like him,and that I'm full of crap etc. It was really weird. Anyway I was just curious about what the point was in him saying these sexual things to me, if he really thinks I'm not like that. It's like when I hang out with him he is nice and cool. But then every now and then he will send me these sexual texts that really I know are his way of trying to tell me that he is good in bed etc and get me interested in him sexually. I just find it weird, like he has a split personality with me.
HappyLove Posted May 18, 2014 Posted May 18, 2014 He doesn't have a split personality, he's a jerk. He sent you pictures of a naked woman, someone who trusted him enough to send them to him. He will do the same to you! The way he speaks to you is the way his speaks to all his chicks. Don't think you are anything special. I have no idea why you're wasting any more time with this guy. 1
angel.eyes Posted May 18, 2014 Posted May 18, 2014 ...The other day when I had told him he should hang out with me, he asked me if I was getting warm and fuzzy thinking about the two of us together. And I was just like wtf, no and basically telling him he was thinking way too much about things. He got upset and told me I always ask him questions and do things and then pretend like I don't like him,and that I'm full of crap etc. It was really weird. Anyway I was just curious about what the point was in him saying these sexual things to me, if he really thinks I'm not like that. It's like when I hang out with him he is nice and cool. But then every now and then he will send me these sexual texts that really I know are his way of trying to tell me that he is good in bed etc and get me interested in him sexually. I just find it weird, like he has a split personality with me. Where exactly is his split personality? He's crystal clear. He's explicitly asked you for what he wants. It's fine and dandy to claim you have boundaries or that you aren't "that type" of girl, but those words are completely meaningless if you refuse to act on them. You don't respect your own boundaries, so why should he? You're sticking around and continuing to engage even after he asks outright for some action. He's open about not wanting a relationship. He's disrespectful and makes derogatory comments about other women who clearly trust him. Worse yet, you're actively encouraging him by asking him to join you in your activities after he propositions you and openly dogs other women. It's just a matter of time until he gets what he wants from you...then disappears to make the same icky comments about you that he's making about these women. This guy is no friend! 3
preraph Posted May 18, 2014 Posted May 18, 2014 He's playing games, throwing caution to the wind and seeing if by some chance he can get you to sleep with him. The way he talks about women is not good, like there's women to sleep with and those aren't the same women he'd ever settle down with. Clearly, he's no where near committing to anyone and is just a player. You'd probably do well to stop interacting and keep yourself open to other guys. 1
irresolute Posted May 18, 2014 Posted May 18, 2014 I think you're being absolutely naive. He only wants sex from you and he's mocking about your ingenuity. Sorry to be rude. It's the truth.
Author Phillygirl27 Posted May 18, 2014 Author Posted May 18, 2014 (edited) Thank you everyone for the advice. I know your right. I shouldn't have engaged in this type of discussions with him. At first I was an active participant and would participate in the dirty discussions and then I realized that it wasn't a good idea and that it was sort of a tease so I stopped. Ironically seems like since then it's given him license to feel like that was okay. And yes I feel bad for the girl. I don't even know why she would do that. He sent me the pics because he had told me that she had like him and sent him nude pics and I was just like yeah right. He was trying to make me jealous, like he always does. And yes he does talk to me about women it isn't always negative but basically he talks to me like a bro. I've had friends, platonic, that treated me like a bro and so talked to me like they would with their guy friends. It has nothing to do with me being special but more that they see me as one of the guys in a way. I always had figure it was the same with him until recently. And I've known for a while that he was not ready for commitment. I know him well. He's manipulative, and likes to play games and is used to women chasing and pursuing him. My main reason in posting this was to determine if he's trying to test me out and see if I really won't put out, or if this is some challenge for him and that's why he's doing it. I know that he doesn't have genuine romantic feelings for me. That it's most likely an act. I guess I was trying to figure out why he would waste time trying to get some from me when he already knows the deal. He can easily have sex and get head. Why is he all of the sudden trying to do that with me, especially knowing that I won't put out if he isn't my boyfriend. Is it' some type of experiment? He has only had sex with certain types of women. And typically dates really attractive athletic fit women. But recently showed me a picture of his ideal women and admitted he has never dated a wombs that looks like his ideal woman. But my features and body type is exactly like the picture that he showed me. So is it possible that he's trying to have sex with me as some weird fetish or experiment? I think I'm going to block him(I have an iPhone) for awhile until I determine whether or not his friendship is of value to me. Edited May 18, 2014 by Phillygirl27
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