Carm Posted May 17, 2014 Posted May 17, 2014 Hi Everyone, It's been years since I've posted. I've been happily single for over 2 years. I just turned 49 years. So, a few months ago I went to a single's meet up and not because I was looking for a man but to get out and meet other single people my age. This man was there, told me later that when he saw me he got an electric shock (good I guess). He asked me out through email the next day. I told him I wasn't really looking for a relationship but I'd gladly chat with him the following month at one of those meetups. Next month, he sees me and we happen to chat for over an hour over a drink. I was intrigued that night. Once again, he emails me the next day to ask me out. This time I said I still wasn't looking but if he wanted to go out as friends I would be okay with it. So, we went out to dinner. He took me out to the most expensive restaurant in the city, anyhow, the more we talked the more my walls came down. It's been fast and furious, we've had 5 dates now and it's pretty obvious that I like him. Apparently my eyes tell it all. For my birthday (4th date), he takes me to another nice restaurant, buys me my bday month flower and sworaski necklace and earrings ($200). He had to break today's date #6 because he's out of town elderly mom was ill and he went to see her. This is so weird, but today I feel like he's pulling away. I can't explain it. He is barely texting and when he does he's distant and VERY short. I think I need to pull back...STOP with all the texts. If he wants to pursue me again he will. Shall I take my own advice?
gaius Posted May 17, 2014 Posted May 17, 2014 Yes. If a guy is working hard when you're not that into him then never get that into him. Always keep him a little hungry. That's what he likes. 1
ayala Posted May 17, 2014 Posted May 17, 2014 Yes. A lot (not all) love the chase and once it disappears, they pull away, making you chase them. If you chase, he'll either be pushed away or you'll be playing into his hand. As young girls, we're told (Or at least I was) to let men chase US. But this isn't always the case. Sometimes girls like to chase too lol But anyway, you can check up on him, ask him how his family is but let him do the date planning, let him do the romantic chasing. 1
Assasda Posted May 17, 2014 Posted May 17, 2014 Seems really early for the earrings. You didnt feel like you should not accept those? If you'e not showing him much attention, he just might get an electric shock from another woman
Author Carm Posted May 17, 2014 Author Posted May 17, 2014 The last text I sent to him today was that I'm glad she is okay and to have a restful night. I do not plan on sending any texts. I told me he would have chased me to the end of the earth and so I'm thinking he enjoyed the chase. The last few days, I've initiated the texts so I really do need to pull back and let him come to me. Yes, it was early for the necklace and earrings (only date 4) but he is very wealthy and so perhaps for him $200 is like spending $20. I am so grateful that we have not had sex yet otherwise I'd be more of a wreck. What do other men think of this? 1
Assasda Posted May 17, 2014 Posted May 17, 2014 The last text I sent to him today was that I'm glad she is okay and to have a restful night. I do not plan on sending any texts. I told me he would have chased me to the end of the earth and so I'm thinking he enjoyed the chase. The last few days, I've initiated the texts so I really do need to pull back and let him come to me. Yes, it was early for the necklace and earrings (only date 4) but he is very wealthy and so perhaps for him $200 is like spending $20. I am so grateful that we have not had sex yet otherwise I'd be more of a wreck. What do other men think of this? With this new info, I think youre doing the right thing by pulling back. Still shouldnt have accepted the earrings. I never trust the "Chase to the end of the earth' Talkers. - Too corny really. A more slow and realistic pace is more my speed
preraph Posted May 17, 2014 Posted May 17, 2014 Sounds like now you feel he's pulling away because he's not texting you today. Listen to yourself! The man is dealing with his dear old mom. Right now, SHE needs his attention. Some people and especially men, can be very compartmentalized. They have to focus on one thing at a time. Get your panties out of a twist and go do something with your girlfriends. He'll be back. And if he's not, he's not the only man around. 1
DArtagnan2 Posted May 17, 2014 Posted May 17, 2014 I think because he has pursued you almost immediately after seeing each other each time, the one time he doesn't is making you a little crazy about that. Its inconsistent with his common behavior, so you are giving yourself a reason to pause. It could be nothing or it could be something. Too soon to tell in the relationship really. All you can do is continue to see him when he ask if you want to. don't start analyzing or picking things apart just yet. Its just way to early to know whats norm behavior from someone and what isn't after only the 4 or 5 dates. As for the gifts, people show they care in a variety of ways. Truthfully, if I was rich I may do something similar because I like to give gifts. Even now, if I am in to someone and I travel somewhere, I will bring a small token back. If I was richer, the token may be bigger but it would be something because I can and want to. Its how I roll. 2
Author Carm Posted May 17, 2014 Author Posted May 17, 2014 Well you are right it is corny but he's not in his 20's...perhaps a man in his mid 50's may say something corny like that. Regardless, I am not letting my ears take it in. I'm looking at how he treats me, does he walk the talk. So far every date, he has been reliable and consistent. I am aware now that he knows I'm falling for him, sending him sweet texts, etc. I hate game playing though so I guess I'm pulling back to play his game. Having said that, it's not like I'm playing his game by holding back but I'll be respecting myself by not acting clingy. It's just weird because just a few days ago, he popped into a bar that my girlfriend were at (I invited him). My gf told me it is clear he is crazy for me and that I am crazy for him. I am actually but I'm not going to be played for a fool. 1
Author Carm Posted May 17, 2014 Author Posted May 17, 2014 I think because he has pursued you almost immediately after seeing each other each time, the one time he doesn't is making you a little crazy about that. Its inconsistent with his common behavior, so you are giving yourself a reason to pause. It could be nothing or it could be something. Too soon to tell in the relationship really. All you can do is continue to see him when he ask if you want to. don't start analyzing or picking things apart just yet. Its just way to early to know whats norm behavior from someone and what isn't after only the 4 or 5 dates. As for the gifts, people show they care in a variety of ways. Truthfully, if I was rich I may do something similar because I like to give gifts. Even now, if I am in to someone and I travel somewhere, I will bring a small token back. If I was richer, the token may be bigger but it would be something because I can and want to. Its how I roll. You're right, it is making me a little crazy and have a reason to pause. Everytime we've met up he's been consistent. I'm not saying he doesn't want this relationship. Ugh, I just really like him, I haven't felt this heartfelt connection in so many years so I'm worried about pushing him away or doing something stupid. So, I guess in order for me to have any kind of chance I will give him space and let him come back to me.
DArtagnan2 Posted May 17, 2014 Posted May 17, 2014 You're right, it is making me a little crazy and have a reason to pause. Everytime we've met up he's been consistent. I'm not saying he doesn't want this relationship. Ugh, I just really like him, I haven't felt this heartfelt connection in so many years so I'm worried about pushing him away or doing something stupid. So, I guess in order for me to have any kind of chance I will give him space and let him come back to me. Just be you... be real.. be true.. if you are thinking about him and want to reach out and say "just thinking about you. hope things are going well" then write and say it. Let him be the guy to initiate the dates if you want, but as a guy, if I have showed interest and the gal doesn't start to make her own efforts too, then I may begin to pause and think she is not coming along with me in this whole thing. So just go with it. life is really easy, its us that complicates things. 1
Author Carm Posted May 18, 2014 Author Posted May 18, 2014 Just be you... be real.. be true.. if you are thinking about him and want to reach out and say "just thinking about you. hope things are going well" then write and say it. Let him be the guy to initiate the dates if you want, but as a guy, if I have showed interest and the gal doesn't start to make her own efforts too, then I may begin to pause and think she is not coming along with me in this whole thing. So just go with it. life is really easy, its us that complicates things. I'm so confused because the real me is wanting to say what's going on here?? The last text I sent this man was yesterday afternoon telling him I'm glad his mom is okay and for him to have a restful night. No text back until early this morning...."just leaving my moms then packing fast and off to the airport. I am trying to get over 1 million dollars owed to my company. I'll be back next sunday late." A few days ago he was leaving Monday and coming back Friday night and now its Sunday. Whatever.... My thoughts are this guy needs some space. I want to text back what's going on but I was thinking instead of texting back this... Goodluck with everything. I'm sure you'll need some space sorting out everything that's going on. That's not really me though, I'm a caring person so I would be more concerning in a text but maybe I need to hold back on that.
travelbug1996 Posted May 18, 2014 Posted May 18, 2014 Please don't text that. Just say "have a safe trip and i'll see you soon"
Author Carm Posted May 18, 2014 Author Posted May 18, 2014 Please don't text that. Just say "have a safe trip and i'll see you soon" Hi Travelbug, You may be right but it's too late. I did however put a smile face at the end of what I wrote so that may lighten up the text. I just don't get guys that chase you down, text after text, blah blah and then nothing. 1
travelbug1996 Posted May 18, 2014 Posted May 18, 2014 Hi Travelbug, You may be right but it's too late. I did however put a smile face at the end of what I wrote so that may lighten up the text. I just don't get guys that chase you down, text after text, blah blah and then nothing. Its what they do. But as long as we don't play into their little games, we win. Don't sweat the small stuff and remember its all small stuff. Just be your best self and if he tries to take advantage of that, that's on him. Live your LIFE
Art_Critic Posted May 18, 2014 Posted May 18, 2014 "just leaving my moms then packing fast and off to the airport. I am trying to get over 1 million dollars owed to my company. I'll be back next sunday late." It takes a week for this.. I smell either a wife or another girl.. Stop going by his words and look at his actions.. did he just tell you the truth.. he is telling you he is now the collections for his company..in my company the AR person is responsible for that.. and even that a week, what is he going to do 8 hrs a day, scream and yell 'give me the money'... Have you done any kind of background search through google on him ? is he really single ? you start dating him and him Mom gets ill... seriously.. Not that it can't happen but what are the chances.. I think you should go entirely silent.. no texts, no emails or phone calls.. Let him come to you..
Author Carm Posted May 18, 2014 Author Posted May 18, 2014 It takes a week for this.. I smell either a wife or another girl.. Stop going by his words and look at his actions.. did he just tell you the truth.. he is telling you he is now the collections for his company..in my company the AR person is responsible for that.. and even that a week, what is he going to do 8 hrs a day, scream and yell 'give me the money'... Have you done any kind of background search through google on him ? is he really single ? you start dating him and him Mom gets ill... seriously.. Not that it can't happen but what are the chances.. I think you should go entirely silent.. no texts, no emails or phone calls.. Let him come to you.. Hey Art Critic, I think what he wrote is totally suspicious. I do not think he is married though. On our second date ( a Sat night) I went to his place for a drink and then we went out to dinner and then back at his place. So, I do not think that is it. Maybe another woman? Dunno. I agree with what you said about his travelling. My silence will be deafening. The funny thing is that two days before this we decided that we were exclusive (i.e. girlfriend/boyfriend). He's telling my girlfriend that he is incredibly lucky and then to send the text he sent? Pardon me, but WTF.
HappyLove Posted May 18, 2014 Posted May 18, 2014 Your intuition is telling you something shady is going on and you need to pull back. Listen to your intuition! To start so hot like he did then all a sudden unavailable with new excuses back to back? It's suspicious. 1
DArtagnan2 Posted May 18, 2014 Posted May 18, 2014 Its what they do. But as long as we don't play into their little games, we win. Don't sweat the small stuff and remember its all small stuff. Just be your best self and if he tries to take advantage of that, that's on him. Live your LIFE Ok, it may be what some do, but not all. Sorry I missed your update and didn't respond until after you sent that text. I would have suggested the "good luck and be safe. let me know if you need anything or how things go" the one thing that happens when someone decides to see where things go further with someone, is that they forgo what they have always done and run by different rules. Judging things like actions or whatnot differently even just a week or two later. What needs to be remembered early on in dating someone is that we don't know the every day details of their lives yet. The times he was able to be around, he may not have had an issue after another issue to have to tend to so he had more time, to show you more interest in person. he may not even be someone who likes to or does communicate by text. And there is more you just don't know yet. While your feelings are changing and you are getting more vested emotionally, you cant set expectations based on what you think should happen versus what is happening and then judge him or his true feelings based on that. At least not so early on, in my opinion. He hasn't done anything wrong really and he may not know he is doing anything wrong. I would try to stay away from passive aggressive messages because those can certainly be a turn off and not really necessary if the real reason he can't reach out is legitimate. Just say outright, "damn, I am sorry you now have to travel on to somewhere else and take longer to get back here. Safe travels and write when you can." Why be snarky? keep it light..
Author Carm Posted May 18, 2014 Author Posted May 18, 2014 Ok, it may be what some do, but not all. Sorry I missed your update and didn't respond until after you sent that text. I would have suggested the "good luck and be safe. let me know if you need anything or how things go" the one thing that happens when someone decides to see where things go further with someone, is that they forgo what they have always done and run by different rules. Judging things like actions or whatnot differently even just a week or two later. What needs to be remembered early on in dating someone is that we don't know the every day details of their lives yet. The times he was able to be around, he may not have had an issue after another issue to have to tend to so he had more time, to show you more interest in person. he may not even be someone who likes to or does communicate by text. And there is more you just don't know yet. While your feelings are changing and you are getting more vested emotionally, you cant set expectations based on what you think should happen versus what is happening and then judge him or his true feelings based on that. At least not so early on, in my opinion. He hasn't done anything wrong really and he may not know he is doing anything wrong. I would try to stay away from passive aggressive messages because those can certainly be a turn off and not really necessary if the real reason he can't reach out is legitimate. Just say outright, "damn, I am sorry you now have to travel on to somewhere else and take longer to get back here. Safe travels and write when you can." Why be snarky? keep it light.. Totally get what you are saying and there is a lot of merit to it. However, my gut is screaming right now. Like Art Critic said, "Stop going by his words and look at his actions.. did he just tell you the truth.. he is telling you he is now the collections for his company..in my company the AR person is responsible for that.. and even that a week, what is he going to do 8 hrs a day, scream and yell 'give me the money'..." I was thinking that way as well. Then I started to think his text said he's going away Sunday to Sunday. Not that I could really know the truth here, but I'm thinking his going away on a destination trip with a woman. Okay, I realize I'm jumping the gun here. All I'm saying is my gut is telling me something. Also, because he's going away on "business" he can't send a text? Anyhow, at the end of the day, I'm not making contact. 1
Author Carm Posted May 18, 2014 Author Posted May 18, 2014 Also, had to say that when I went to his Meetups profile (he disengaged from the singles meetups but is still part of motorcycle ones, a few of his interests came up that make me pause. Interested in...."swingers, nudist" etc. Not that there is anything wrong with that but I'd like to know so that I CAN make an informed decision. He did say there is more to him but it's all good.
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