katiej789 Posted May 17, 2014 Posted May 17, 2014 Hiya, really need some advice. Been seeing a friend of mine, we are not technically 'together' but go on dates, spend hours with each other, kissing, holding hands, close cuddles and massages and he calls me beautiful and says that he is going to open up to me as he has never with anyone else. He also texts me everyday as soon as he has finished work to see how I am. Anyway I found out last week he has a date with someone else??? I approached him last night about it as I am hurt and he said he loves hanging out with me but he only sees me as a friend. I said to him how can he be this close if there are no feelings and he couldn't answer that? Really hurt and confused, I have alot of feelings for him but I feel he has used me. Any advice would be great, thanks
stillafool Posted May 17, 2014 Posted May 17, 2014 Because when he's with you he is in the moment. He does what feels good to him and that's being affectionate with whomever he's with at the time. More than likely he is affectionate with every girl he spends time with because it feels good for him. If you are looking for a serious bf he is not it. Try to establish what the relationship is before you have sex with guys unless you just want to be a FWB which is what you are now. 1
Author katiej789 Posted May 17, 2014 Author Posted May 17, 2014 Thanks for the reply, we are not having sex we both said we don't want a FWB situation. We are just so close and have everything in common, its just he's changed and only wants me as a friend but is happy to kiss/cuddle and be so close with me. Really do not understand him, I have broken contact now as he went on a date today..
carhill Posted May 17, 2014 Posted May 17, 2014 If you're dating someone and they you, you're technically 'using' each other for social companionship and interaction so it's a wash. Dating is getting to know and IME people 'get to know' a myriad of people in life before settling on one person as a romantic and life companion, hence a lot of 'get to knows', even if satisfying experiences in their own right, are binned as part of life's experiences; the past. Outcome dependency. Marked issue for myself as a young man. Women taught me much in this area. I was a slow learner! 1
Kamila Posted May 17, 2014 Posted May 17, 2014 Hiya, really need some advice. Been seeing a friend of mine, we are not technically 'together' but go on dates, spend hours with each other, kissing, holding hands, close cuddles and massages and he calls me beautiful and says that he is going to open up to me as he has never with anyone else. He also texts me everyday as soon as he has finished work to see how I am. That is what should have given you a clue that he wasn't really serious with you. Saying it is pointless as his actions should show you he's being consistent and serious with you. He's seeing someone else and that's reality. Stop contact with him. Show him you won't put up with his crap, it's the only way he'll learn.
Potz4prez Posted May 17, 2014 Posted May 17, 2014 Thanks for the reply, we are not having sex we both said we don't want a FWB situation. We are just so close and have everything in common, its just he's changed and only wants me as a friend but is happy to kiss/cuddle and be so close with me. Really do not understand him, I have broken contact now as he went on a date today.. Wut He's either playing the sleezy waiting game or is just open to that kind of friendship. People are raised differently. I feel like if all friends cuddled, more people would be happy
starrynightz45 Posted May 17, 2014 Posted May 17, 2014 This guy is bad news. There is nothing wrong with you. If a guy texted me every day after work, kissed me, hugged me, cuddled with me etc...I would assume he didn't just want to be friends. That's crazy. He's dating around, playing the field, and probably not really looking for anything serious. He's just also a jerk for not letting you know that and for very clearly leading you on. You can do better than him. 1
Author katiej789 Posted May 17, 2014 Author Posted May 17, 2014 Thank you all for your replies, I have broken contact and see what happens. I don't want to lose him completely as we were such good friends before, i'm just going to see if he tries to contact me.. but if the date went well today I don't know if he will..
stillafool Posted May 17, 2014 Posted May 17, 2014 So you are saying that you still want to see him even though he is dating others? If so, carry on as you have been. I don't think you can be friends with him if you still have romantic feelings toward him. Would you be okay if he brought his new girlfriends around you? That's what a friend would do.
Augman Posted May 17, 2014 Posted May 17, 2014 Main goal: figure out what you want. 1. If you have too strong of feelings to just be friends then tell him to make a commitment and you're done waiting around. This will get you a fast answer of where your relationship is going. 2. If you're fine with being friends then keep doing what you're doing. I don't see him as using you, per say, since you both get the momentary companionship out of it... just with different expectations if how you're saying it is the truth. 3. If you don't want to entangled in the mess of a player (if that's what he is) then slowly break contact until he fades away, it will hurt at first... then progressively less as days go by.
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