Charmander Posted May 17, 2014 Posted May 17, 2014 I found this girl that I used to be friends with 5 years ago. Turns out she is smoking hot now to put it plainly. She knows I think she is attractive, but I asked her to hangout with me and go out to eat or something. She said yes and we are doing something this coming Tuesday. The problem is, I am not sure if what I want to do is first date material. I can always get my foot in the door when it comes to ladies but past that I am sort of lost . I was thinking about taking her to either a Thai restaurant or to go bowling as the first date. I had someone tell me before that when you're just getting to know someone that physical activities might not be the best but I call bull sh*t. Maybe a good second date. What do you all think? One more thing do you think she will view it as two friends hanging out, or as a date? How do I play this? I have never been stupid enough to ask someone to "hang out" when I actually wanted a date, but I wanted to take this slow to get to know her better. Any advice appreciated! You guys rock as usual and have helped me a lot without me even posting, and since this is my first time I think I should just say you guys got me through a lot of ****. The community here is awesome!
Assasda Posted May 17, 2014 Posted May 17, 2014 Thai food sound good Bowling sounds good, Why not do both. A good thing to do when out with women, is switch locations. Also just ask her questions, and let the girl talk... & talk, & talk, and just listen, the more she talks the better 2
DArtagnan2 Posted May 17, 2014 Posted May 17, 2014 Does she like Thai? If so, then cool. If she likes sushi, thats a good selection. Just make sure she will eat what is served where ever you take her. I am not sure how she took your invite. As if it was a date date or just a hang out kind of thing. So hanging out, bowling is cool. I would have a couple things in mind for after dinner depending on which way things go during dinner.
Author Charmander Posted May 21, 2014 Author Posted May 21, 2014 So I get their on time, and she was sort of hanging around near the restaurant. I was honestly surprised she knew what I looked like since all my Facebook posts were outdated. The conversations were good and consistent. I don't think we ever stopped talking, haha! I shot her a message tonight that said it was really good seeing her tonight and how she was so much prettier then what her pictures on the internet led to believe. So I think we may be going on a second date soon. *She replied to that message really quickly. So I shot her another one asking if she would like to hangout again.* She was dressed really beautifully. So I am taking that as the indication she also thought it was a date. She wanted to pay for her half, however; I bested her in a challenging game of Rock, Paper, Scissors. Do you think I should ask her to come up with the next date or should I take the wheel again? She seems like a great person so I am looking forward to seeing her again. I offered to do more but she wasn't interested in going to bowl or something else.
Author Charmander Posted May 21, 2014 Author Posted May 21, 2014 Did she respond to a second date? Not yet, but I am guessing she got busy, forgot, and went to sleep. I am pretty sure she should text me tomorrow or something along those lines. Her response to saying the date went really well was quick, but when I sent another message a couple minutes later in regards to the next date she didn't send anything back so I don't think that it was she wasn't interested in a second date. Just she got busy. At the end of the date, I told her jokingly that she should totally come up with the next plan for how we hang out to see what she likes to do. Hopefully, I didn't freak her out with that and put to much pressure on her. That's my only concern.
somedude81 Posted May 21, 2014 Posted May 21, 2014 "Charmander char! Char, char, Charmander!" (Translation) Think of a place to take her on a second date and invite her to do that. Call her on Thursday. 4
Author Charmander Posted May 21, 2014 Author Posted May 21, 2014 "Charmander char! Char, char, Charmander!" (Translation) Think of a place to take her on a second date and invite her to do that. Call her on Thursday. Wouldn't that be out of place and desperate? Shouldn't I just wait for her to respond to the text and go from their? If all else fails I suppose I can. I have been messaging her for the past couple of days pretty frequently. Not sure if I am doing to much to soon or what. PS I appreciate you for knowing Pokemon :3 1
somedude81 Posted May 21, 2014 Posted May 21, 2014 Wouldn't that be out of place and desperate? Shouldn't I just wait for her to respond to the text and go from their? If all else fails I suppose I can. I have been messaging her for the past couple of days pretty frequently. Not sure if I am doing to much to soon or what. PS I appreciate you for knowing Pokemon :3 Heh, I got my minor in fire-type Pokemon. Anyways, you'd want to wait a couple of days after the date to invite her to the next one. Give her time to miss you, build up anticipation and for her to wonder if you like her or not. I suggest not to initiate texting until you're ready to make the next date.
Assasda Posted May 21, 2014 Posted May 21, 2014 Yeah, Cut out the multi-text messages man. Just stop. Do not message "How are you doing" & "What are you doing" Those are weak needy text messages. Next time take her bowling, since you guys didnt get to do it. If gives you guys something physcial to do. You guys can eat there, and drink beer, if youre so inclined, and you can tease her a little bit, and tell her that youre a professional, or something like that. But stop with the all day text messges. If she is not contacting you right now, you should lay off her 3
mammasita Posted May 21, 2014 Posted May 21, 2014 My best first date was 2 games of pool followed by a quick game of mini golf then two games of bowling....while keeping our glasses full. Why don't you try that
Teraskas Posted May 21, 2014 Posted May 21, 2014 My best first date was 2 games of pool followed by a quick game of mini golf then two games of bowling....while keeping our glasses full. Why don't you try that Truth told with my innate nerve ending problems, I would DEFINITELY have a problem trying to keep my glass full.
Author Charmander Posted May 22, 2014 Author Posted May 22, 2014 Yeah, Cut out the multi-text messages man. Just stop. Do not message "How are you doing" & "What are you doing" Those are weak needy text messages. Next time take her bowling, since you guys didnt get to do it. If gives you guys something physcial to do. You guys can eat there, and drink beer, if youre so inclined, and you can tease her a little bit, and tell her that youre a professional, or something like that. But stop with the all day text messges. If she is not contacting you right now, you should lay off her You're right. I haven't been sending those messages, however; the flow has gone really well and I didn't think I was coming off as clingy. I haven't messaged her since the last text I sent yesterday in regards to hanging out before she leaves for Cali so I may call tomorrow night or Friday depends. Truth be told, I found out today that my phone service ended today so that may be why I never received a message from her, haha. I plan on renewing my phone service tomorrow so we'll see if I got anything from her. So it wouldn't be weird to call her if she is at work and she doesn't pick up I leave a message right? If she picks up and is in the middle of something do I just ask her to call me back when she is free? Sorry I just have never really done this dating thing so it's new to me.
Photofinish Posted May 22, 2014 Posted May 22, 2014 I've always appreciated a daily text from someone I am seeing. I dont usually text first so it's always nice. Just dont over do it with the messages. I love your icon by the way XD I love pokemon. 1
Author Charmander Posted May 22, 2014 Author Posted May 22, 2014 So do I call her tonight without consent to do so? (I know this isn't sex but still lol) Since she likes to read and she likes to tan I was thinking of taking her on my kayaks so she can read a book and tan and we can just talk I might pack a lunch or something and put it in a dry bag. How does that sound as a second date?
Versacehottie Posted May 23, 2014 Posted May 23, 2014 So do I call her tonight without consent to do so? (I know this isn't sex but still lol) Since she likes to read and she likes to tan I was thinking of taking her on my kayaks so she can read a book and tan and we can just talk I might pack a lunch or something and put it in a dry bag. How does that sound as a second date? Yes call tonight. Even if she doesn't answer, it's fine. Leave a message stating your purpose LOL. "Calling to find out if you want to go do XYZ next wednesday? or something like that. Confidence is a good thing. You don't need permission to call. If she doesn't respond to your message (assuming you have to leave one) well then you should wait for her to return your call before calling again. The kayak thing could be cute; sounds kinda mellow though and more romantic which could be great a little more down the road. I think something like bowling might be more helpful. There's playfulness, banter, competitiveness and activity. It's a proven fact that excitement within the activity of a date is transferred to the people on the date. More adventurous the better. I just thought about going go-carting--that would be a very fun date. Or zip-lining. Anyway, if she likes to read, i might be a little out of her comfort zone with my suggestions. Another reason why I would wait on the kayak thing at this stage so that she can read and tan is because it puts her too much up on a pedestal. If she is on the fence about you at all, this might put you in the friend zone. Because you are only thinking about her happiness. Sweet thing to do as a boyfriend but you're not there yet. So if you do the kayak thing, just do it because of the kayaking part because that's an activity for both of you. (obviously she will get a tan out there anyway). Good luck! 1
Author Charmander Posted May 23, 2014 Author Posted May 23, 2014 Well she never responded to the text that I sent that day. Oh well :'( . An update, I did call her and I asked her to call me back when she got a chance to. I brought up the possibility of either going bowling or kayaking in the message. Hoped she was doing well and left it at that. If she does she does, if she doesn't she doesn't. I've got stuff to do myself so it is no biggie just found it odd that she never responded to the text after the date went so well and she indicated that she wanted to hang out again before she left. 1
Assasda Posted May 23, 2014 Posted May 23, 2014 Yeah, you can call her and talk to her at work. -As long as you dont apologize for calling her -and as long as you tell her something constuctive, in regards to the relatioship. - Plus points if you get to tell her something that you checked out that she is into., or if you saw something that was funny to her. Its OK to call her, because your phone was out of commition. keep it light... and again if she wants to talk let her talk her heart out and just listen to her.... Good luck 1
Author Charmander Posted May 23, 2014 Author Posted May 23, 2014 This sounds like the sort of scenario that would play out for me. Hoping she does call back, man. Get her out of your mind for now, though. Chances are she may not, unfortunately.. Doesn't mean anything. Stay strong! So did I do something wrong? Sometimes I guess you can play your cards right, but then I guess they really aren't all that into you.
Assasda Posted May 23, 2014 Posted May 23, 2014 Well If you had a good time before, dont see why she wouldnt get back in contact with you. You know what it is.... On to the next one. Get back out there and get some more dates. She's on the backburner. Ball's in her court 1
Author Charmander Posted June 2, 2014 Author Posted June 2, 2014 (edited) I thought it might be a wise decision to go back and reread this and re-evaluate the situation. I believe for this situation I was led on... I have no idea why someone would lead someone else on and then continue to do so after the date. It had me going through a loop in where I thought she was interested yet she just dropped off the face of the earth. I guess my generation or some of my generation desperately try to avoid social conflict. The only explanation I have to this behavior is that where she was going to California for the rest of the summer she didn't want to get attached or anything by continuing to talk to me. If she would have said something I would have been okay, "That's really cool I respect your decision blah blah," and maybe then I would have tried to talk to her once she got back. Now I just think she is a jerk who can't communicate. So why do girls lead someone on? Was she afraid of hurting my feelings? She didn't give me any indication that she didn't like me during the date or shortly after the date that night instead she ghosted out on me (after saying she really enjoyed the date and it was nice seeing me.) Was she afraid that she actually liked me and doesn't want to get involved again and is just going to leave me alone? PS The reason I said my generation and generalized my age group is because four other girls around the same age I have talked to have done this to me like it's a great idea. It's not it really hurts my feelings :'( Edited June 2, 2014 by Charmander
Marks Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 Now I just think she is a jerk who can't communicate. So why do girls lead someone on? Was she afraid of hurting my feelings? She didn't give me any indication that she didn't like me during the date or shortly after the date that night instead she ghosted out on me (after saying she really enjoyed the date and it was nice seeing me.) Was she afraid that she actually liked me and doesn't want to get involved again and is just going to leave me alone? PS The reason I said my generation and generalized my age group is because four other girls around the same age I have talked to have done this to me like it's a great idea. It's not it really hurts my feelings :'( When you say "my generation", are you referring to those currently in their 20's? If so, I'd just say it's par for the course...I've had the same thing happen a couple of times as well. I'm not really sure why it's such a prevalent behavior...common courtesy just doesn't seem to be highly thought of.
Author Charmander Posted June 3, 2014 Author Posted June 3, 2014 When you say "my generation", are you referring to those currently in their 20's? If so, I'd just say it's par for the course...I've had the same thing happen a couple of times as well. I'm not really sure why it's such a prevalent behavior...common courtesy just doesn't seem to be highly thought of. Yeah, they were in their 20's. Sorry I didn't clarify that.
FitChick Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 Some men do exactly the same thing. Just because you have a good time with someone doesn't mean there is physical chemistry or romance. 1
Author Charmander Posted June 3, 2014 Author Posted June 3, 2014 Some men do exactly the same thing. Just because you have a good time with someone doesn't mean there is physical chemistry or romance. Should've made the post androgynous, I know. I don't date men so I was just thinking about me... True that sometimes chemistry isn't their, but a simple I'm not interested would be nice. Yeah know? I get it that some "people" will badger the fack out of people if they are informed that their feelings are unrequited. I have had to tell people that I am not interested before so I just think that should be a typical formality when trying to date others.
Recommended Posts