Husband, stepdaughter and long weekend at the motorcycle track-not fun!

[Mapper71]

Well I can't say I'm looking forward to this long Memorial Day weekend at the motorcycle track with H and SD. H wants to leave on Friday afternoon, but I can't take the day off. I can get off early and be home by 1PM but I can see him saying he'll just load up the truck and hook up the trailer and pick me up at work on the way down. I want to come home and shower and just generally make sure the house is in decent shape before leaving for 3 days. Then there's the whole having to pick SD up at the train station on the way there, but we'd need to pick her up at a different train station than usual that we've never been to closer to the track. So we need to make sure we leave the house in time to get her even though it will be Friday afternoon Memorial Day traffic going through a major city with major backups. I hate the fact that we have to add her pick up into the mix of all the other chaos. H will not think this out until the last minute and then be stressed and pissy about it.

 

We will spend Friday night at the track in the trailer, but H was nice enough to get a motel room for Sat/Sun. I can deal with the long weekend then as long as I know I have a shower and a bed at the end of the day. But now that we have a motel room I just know I am going to be hearing from SD "Can we go back and hang in the room and watch tv" or "Can we go to the mall?"Anything but hanging out at the track. H will be so amped up about racing and he'll be around all his buddies and talking bikes and wandering off to who knows where without a word to me that I will wonder why he insisted SD come up for the weekend. He has already said that SD and I can stay in the hotel room on Sunday night but he'll probably stay at the track so he can party with the guys! Really? WHY are you dying for SD to be there when I know you are going to pawn her off on me the whole weekend?? I'm sure he'll tell me right in front of her "Well I know you get bored here too so if you 2 want to go do girl's stuff somewhere you can." Of course she'll jump at that. I think he wants her there so he can show off to her and also show his buddies "Hey here's my daughter I'm always talking about".

 

But there's also a possibility that SD won't come up. I know she really doesn't want to be here for a track weekend, plus she doesn't want to be gone that long from her new boyfriend. Or there's the possibility that she may bring her boyfriend up with her which will through a whole other wrench into the weekend.

 

Oh and then there's the fact that H's bike has been at the dealership for 3 weeks now because he blew out the computer in it and it had to be sent to the factory. They were able to fix it but it doesn't mean his bike will necessarily run. The dealership may get it back today and he'd be able to pick it up, but if not they don't open again until Tuesday and since I need to take the truck to work (which is the only vehicle that can haul the trailer to pick up the bike) because he bought a manual car that I can't drive then he will expect me to haul the trailer to work and find a place to park it and then make a detour on my way home from work to pick up the bike. There's no other way to get the bike before next Friday unless he either drives the truck and drops me off at the train station before he goes to work (which he won't because he'd have to let me sit there for 2 hours before a train would be able to take me) and pick it up himself after work or wait to go pick it up after I get home, which wouldn't be until about 5PM and he'd have to hook up the trailer and drive tot he shop before 6PM when they close which would be nearly impossible. And it's always me who has to sacrifice something because he didn't think things out. He'll either want me to take the day off or get off early to go do this for him.

 

[iris219]

Do not let him pawn his daughter off on you. Tell him that will not happen and don't let it. If I thought it was unavoidable and I didn't enjoy it, I'd stay home.

[Minnie09]

Wow you really have little faith in your SO, already anticipating a ****ty weekend due to his poor choices and bad planning. Why are you even with him? You sound like you totally despise him.

 

As far as his DD: I wouldn't put up with that, either. His D is his responsibility, and if he really takes you on the trip just as a sitter, then it shows how selfish he is. Unless it's a one-time or occasional thing, where he really wants to enjoy the motorcycle spirit and his "guys", you shouldn't be supportive of that. It's your weekend, too, and you're equally entitled to enjoy it the way you want to. He should step up to the plate and take your needs and his daughter's wishes into consideration as well, not just his own.

[Mapper71]

The fact that he's already got it in his mind that Sunday night he's going to stay at the track and party with the guys while SD and I go back to the hotel room speaks volumes, don't you think?

 

AND he's already said that it might be a case of we go down to the track before SD's train gets in and then HE'LL send ME to the station (an hour round trip) to go get her while he gets things organized at the track. Then he'll send us to the hotel on Saturday afternoon to check in while he's doing his thing at the track.

 

It just seems like I am there to run his errands that he doesn't want to do so all he has to focus on is the racing!

[ja123]

Any updates on this thread you started, Mapper?

 

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/platonic/business-professional-relationships/475764-i-m-really-tired-feeling-bad-about-not-going-after-work-functions

[Mapper71]

No updates...other than I still haven't gone to any after work functions.

[xxoo]

Make your own plans. Have things you are looking forward to doing for yourself while there, so if SD asks to hang out at the motel, you can say, "no, I have plan to...." It would be very nice to include her, of course! But make sure you are spending the weekend doing things you enjoy, too. If h asks you to run his errands, same answer, "I can't, I have plans to ...."

 

Or, just say no to the whole thing and make plans for yourself at home. Let him figure out all the racing and SD issues on his own.

[ja123]

Okay, well you ought to take a look at yourself then, and not just your husband.

 

 

You have issues if you cannot express yourself, defend yourself, and set boundaries. It also sounds like you didn't pick a particularly good husband, but you are the bottom denominator in this, so you might want to consider therapy, research 'codependency', and also take a look at the book recommended in the other thread: Susan Forward's "Emotional Blackmail".

[Mapper71]

So Saturday night he tells me that he HOPES SD will come for the long Memorial Day weekend but she might not because he realizes that she could come up with an excuse as she has done before. Then last night he goes to me "Oh I forgot to buy SD's train ticket" I was thinking but didn't say "Um, don't you think you should verify with her and/or her mother if she is indeed coming up for the weekend and, if so, which train she can get on before just willy nilly getting her ticket?" They had a brief conversation about it the previous weekend but things were not finalized and there was the whole boyfriend that may be coming up too and he may drive them and if not we'd have to pick her up at a different train station and how is she going to get back on Monday? Is her mother going to come and pick her up or are we going to have to leave the track at a certain time to get her back to the station and is her mother going to pay for her return ticket since we paid for her arrival?

 

 

It just blows me away that he would do this without finalizing things with them!

[xxoo]

If it bothers you this much, explain to him that the situation is wracking your nerves so you are going to let him do his thing and plan a relaxing weekend for yourself. Let him handle his daughters travèl plans and entertainment on his own.