Loempia741 Posted May 17, 2014 Posted May 17, 2014 Hello everybody. It's been 9 months post breakup (1,5 year relationship), and a month since I totally stopped contacting my ex. A month ago she told me to move on and said she kissed another man. I was already pretty depressed, I still am, and was devastated by the knowledge she kissed another man. Still, she says these things because she gave up on the relationship a long time ago, and I think she wants me to start doing the same. But yesterday I was on a party and didn't notice she was present. She came all the way to the back to come talk to me and my friends, we talked and joked a couple of hours. But I noticed she was somewhat nervous around me, and so was I. I don't think I made a good impression cause I stumbled over my words and the fact that she knows I still have feelings for her made it even more awkward. My question to you guys: If she knows I'm having a (really really) difficult time getting over her, why does she come over and talk to me and my friends, confronting me.. And if she is over me, why is she still nervous around me? Yes I know, I need to move on and I don't intend to start texting her again, but these encounters confuse me..
Strength in Healing Posted May 17, 2014 Posted May 17, 2014 She may have confronted you because she assumed you knew she was there, even though you yourself know you didn't. She may be nervous because you were nervous. She may also have been nervous because she knew you still had feelings for her. Or she may want you to keep having feelings for her, as a way to keep you as a back up.
Elle1975 Posted May 17, 2014 Posted May 17, 2014 Hello everybody. It's been 9 months post breakup (1,5 year relationship), and a month since I totally stopped contacting my ex. A month ago she told me to move on and said she kissed another man. I was already pretty depressed, I still am, and was devastated by the knowledge she kissed another man. Still, she says these things because she gave up on the relationship a long time ago, and I think she wants me to start doing the same. But yesterday I was on a party and didn't notice she was present. She came all the way to the back to come talk to me and my friends, we talked and joked a couple of hours. But I noticed she was somewhat nervous around me, and so was I. I don't think I made a good impression cause I stumbled over my words and the fact that she knows I still have feelings for her made it even more awkward. My question to you guys: If she knows I'm having a (really really) difficult time getting over her, why does she come over and talk to me and my friends, confronting me.. And if she is over me, why is she still nervous around me? Yes I know, I need to move on and I don't intend to start texting her again, but these encounters confuse me.. How old are you? 9 months post break up but really never tried to heal. I mean, you should be making an effort if you want to get better. Don't get me wrong, I know heartbreaks are hard to get over, but you probably should stop contacting her all together. That means no bumping into each other. I would have left personally, but that's just me. I have learned the hard way not to try to read people's mind, not to assume things, good OR bad. If someone is not mature enough to say "this is what I want", "this is what I feel", etc... run away. The "we'll see" and "I still care for you" kind of bs talk really is just that, bs to keep you on a string. Anyway.. My advice, do move on indeed. It's work, but it's worth it; for your well being, and the well being of the next relationship you'll decide to enter with someone else.
stillafool Posted May 17, 2014 Posted May 17, 2014 If she asked you to move on she doesn't want you back. She wants to still be friends with you because you are a nice guy, that's why she came over to talk to you. She was nervous because she knows you still like her. Just move on.
54321 Posted May 17, 2014 Posted May 17, 2014 How old are you? I have learned the hard way not to try to read people's mind, not to assume things, good OR bad. If someone is not mature enough to say "this is what I want", "this is what I feel", etc... run away. The "we'll see" and "I still care for you" kind of bs talk really is just that, bs to keep you on a string. I think it wasn't planned out. Psychologically it's just sort of irresistible to go talk to someone who has been important to you when an opportunity like that arises and there are no consequences (for the person who takes the opportunity). That is, it's irresistible unless she makes a conscious effort to spare you the pain she probably does not fully realize she caused in the first place. Talking to someone at a party just seems so normal that she doesn't see the harm. (Surprising, I know, but she doesn't really get it.) At any rate, as far as I know nobody goes to a party having planned out precise and accurate ways of characterizing their goals in life and the feelings they have. Isn't a party kind of for BS anyway? But then again I don't really get parties and don't go to them. At least she didn't drop by your family's house on a major holiday when you'd be home, supposedly to hang out with your mom (?!?!?!?). But seriously, I'm over that guy. I just never want to see him again.
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