tinker683 Posted May 17, 2014 Posted May 17, 2014 Hey all, Started seeing a female friend of mine that I've known for over a year but only recently informed me that she liked me. I'm not infatuated with her but her and I get along extremely well and I think she's attractive so I thought I'd give it a chance. Well, we've only been seeing each other a week but she's been at my place practically everyday...I feel almost like she lives with me...and we've only been dating for a week! She had a bad home life so she prefers to spend all of her off time somewhere else. She also broke up with her fiance of 4 years (he cheated on her) a few months ago and I somewhat suspect shes transferring her relationship habits with him (hanging around him all the time) over to me. I could be way off though. I like hanging around her but I need my space as well! I want this relationship to work as I think we have a lot of potential but I don't want to hurt her feelings or make her think I don't like her. Thoughts?
golive Posted May 17, 2014 Posted May 17, 2014 Hey all, Started seeing a female friend of mine that I've known for over a year but only recently informed me that she liked me. I'm not infatuated with her but her and I get along extremely well and I think she's attractive so I thought I'd give it a chance. Well, we've only been seeing each other a week but she's been at my place practically everyday...I feel almost like she lives with me...and we've only been dating for a week! She had a bad home life so she prefers to spend all of her off time somewhere else. She also broke up with her fiance of 4 years (he cheated on her) a few months ago and I somewhat suspect shes transferring her relationship habits with him (hanging around him all the time) over to me. I could be way off though. I like hanging around her but I need my space as well! I want this relationship to work as I think we have a lot of potential but I don't want to hurt her feelings or make her think I don't like her. Thoughts? Yes. Put her in her place before you get too wrapped up in her and end up getting hurt. Just my thoughts.
Survivor12 Posted May 17, 2014 Posted May 17, 2014 Yes, she is "transferring her relationships habits with him" over to you. Classic rebound.
Author tinker683 Posted May 17, 2014 Author Posted May 17, 2014 That's...disappointing to me. Makes me doubts now about how well the relationship will last. My think is that, at this point in time, we really should only be seeing each other once, maybe twice, a week and she otherwise needs to stay at her place. Does that sound reasonable? Also, I feel I should talk to her about her possible rebound behavior and how I feel she needs to examine her own wants and needs. Try to appeal to her reason? Thoughts? I'm not really good at this sort of thing... 1
Assasda Posted May 18, 2014 Posted May 18, 2014 I wouldnt talk to her about "rebound behavior" I'd just tell her that I need some space and we've only been out for 2 weeks,a nd that youre not comfortable right now with her spending so much time
mammasita Posted May 18, 2014 Posted May 18, 2014 Waaaaaaaay too much time for just starting to see eachother. You say you have been friends though, did you ever hang out before? In any case, you need to set some ground rules, in a very woman friendly conversation, otherwise she's gonna be moving in right about 15 minutes from now.
Author tinker683 Posted May 19, 2014 Author Posted May 19, 2014 I wouldnt talk to her about "rebound behavior" I'd just tell her that I need some space and we've only been out for 2 weeks,a nd that youre not comfortable right now with her spending so much time Well...I kind of did. Fortunately for my inexperienced self she was very understanding. Waaaaaaaay too much time for just starting to see eachother. You say you have been friends though, did you ever hang out before? In any case, you need to set some ground rules, in a very woman friendly conversation, otherwise she's gonna be moving in right about 15 minutes from now. Ha! Her and I sat down as she picked up on the fact that I was physically uncomfortable around her. I told her that I did like her, that I liked spending time with her, but that I felt like she was smothering me, that it hasn't even been a WEEK yet and she's been practically living at my place for 4-5 days (my roommate actually told me that if she was going to continue to stay here, she'd need to kick in some rent. Egads!) and that I felt like we REALLY needed to not be spending so much time together. I told her at this point in the relationship we really should only be seeing each other once or twice a week and as things get more comfortable between us, more than that. I did bring up the rebound thing (whoops) and I asked her to be honest with me and to tell me if she felt she was ready. She seemed very understanding. She agreed with my requests and told me she wanted this to work (as did I). We hugged and she lefted. We've texted each other a bunch since then but otherwise I'm not planning on seeing her until Friday, when I told her I'd take her out on a proper date. Her and I were friends before this but we really didn't hang out much, just texted and chatted a bunch. I've learned a lot about her and I do see some potential in this relationship but her clinginess was a *massive* turnoff to me. I've learned a lot about her these past several days and I have my doubts as to whether or not this will work but I want to give it as much of a chance as I can. She's very sweet and we get along great but I worry that she has some things she needs to work on (her self-esteem being the big one). We'll see how things pan out. I don't want to give up on what could be a good thing just yet. She seems respectful of my boundaries now that I've made them clear.
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