Author carrie91 Posted May 21, 2014 Author Posted May 21, 2014 Life is too short to be with someone and not know how they feel... If you're with someone and you aren't sure he's as interested, he probably isn't. Your feelings about it are probably spot on....he may like you well enough but as you said if things ended he'd be like "Ok whatever." I was FWB with a guy once who had previously had a 2 year relationship and before that a 5 year one yet explained he'd only been in love once, and it was with NEITHER of these women. He explained that the woman he was in love with, he thought about her often, he couldn't wait to see her after work, couldn't wait to plan with her etc...then explained that with these other women he lived with and were with for yeaars...they liked him, they were nice, so he agreed to be with them. He liked them, he was attracted to them but not in love with them, but figured why not have a gf, regular sex, etc. So it is possible for a man to be with a woman he isn't super into but likes well enough, but you don't want that right? Most women don't...most men and women want someone who is in love with them or at least is likely to be and who feels as strongly for them as they do. I know my bf is really into me, I know how he feels, he's very affectionate, tells me all the time how he feels, he lets me know he misses me, definitely kisses me before he leaves and tells me he'll miss me or he doesn't want to leave me, he talks about our future and things we will do, including marriage etc...I have NO DOUBT at all that we're both in this and that if it ended it would bother him as much as it would me. I have no need to question his feelings as they're obvious...that's how it should be! If you don't know or have to guess or you feel like he is just so-so about you....99% chance is you're right, as a man CANNOT hide it when he's really into you. How does he look at you? That's the biggest clue....even if my bf never ever said anything, the way he looks at me, esp when I'm not looking but I catch him out of the corner of my eye, it tells me all I need to know that he adores me. I've been in situations where I was trying to make a relationship out of lukewarm interest and it wasn't satisfying, as you can tell....it's just the motions of a relationship but that security and surety that the person feels the same is missing...it's a waste of time IME...and being with someone who is ALL IN and makes it clear...I can never imagine, should we separate, that I'd be fine dating someone where I'm guessing. IMO this isn't something you can negotiate or discuss into changing. However, you could try for what it's worth to see if somehow you're just "misunderstanding", although IME, there is nothing to misunderstand when the feelings are strong ---it is palpable! Are you bf/gf or just exclusive? Does he ever discuss the future? Did you all decide on what you wanted out of the relationship or you just "ended up" in one? That also makes a difference. I find that when the feelings are strong (and people are mature too) they actually discuss what it is they are getting into and want out of the decision to be exclusive. Just exclusive. And I brought it up. No, he doesn't discuss the future. Thinking about it, he doesn't really do much to make me think he likes that much, apart from make plans to see me when he can. I have no clue how he feels about me. I just wish I didn't like him so much.
Ruby Slippers Posted May 25, 2014 Posted May 25, 2014 You know something's very wrong here, and I think you have the right attitude about cutting your losses now. I agree with MissBee that when a guy really likes you, his admiration and affection is palpable and undeniable. You don't have to ask or wonder. Millions of people make do with convenient arrangements all the time. Personally, I've figured out I won't be satisfied with anything less than real love. I get the impression you're the same way. If I were you, I'd end this loveless arrangement. And be prepared for him to fight it at least a little. He's got a convenient thing going here. When ending it, be decisive and leave no room for discussion. 2
Leigh 87 Posted May 25, 2014 Posted May 25, 2014 I had one guy I met last year... We spent every day together for a week, we had great sexual chemistry, he paid for all our meals and movies... He then disappeared a week later. He never texted me when he wasn't with me either. The second guy I met shortly after seemed into me; we had instant chemistry which was mighty strong, he said he felt an instant connection, he texted every day all, said good morning and goodnight, he said he never fell this fast for a girl and though we could have something very special based on the early feelings he was already having for me. He disappeared, too. I thought a guy overseas was into me last year.. He wouldn't shut up all night about how awesome I was, going on and on about how gorgeous he thought I was and how I was ALSO such a nice, fun, smart girl...He too lost interest! Trust me, these guys acted like they were into me and they may very well have been briefly. Or sometimes guys put on an act if they find you attractive enough to want to have sex with badly. Guys can SEEM like they are into you but when the real deal comes along it can be hard to know! I would say that only time will tell, if long term they are introducing you to friends and family, including you in their life at least a couple of days per week, and so on and so forth. And also, don't forget that SOME guys can be into you initially! They just lose interest and realise they are NOT all that into you a little later on. So guys CAN very well be into you at first glance... it is whether or not they STAY constant in their feelings towards you that matters. When it comes to the signs that a guy is into you... well, again, you have to sort of just "know". Since, you know, the guys who seemed really into me turned out NOT to be! It is MORE than "signs" and the things they do or don't do. Your instinct needs to guide you to some extent....For starters, some men don't always kiss their girlfriends besides from when they great each other and say goodbye, and when they are intimate. It doesn't always mean they aren't into them! I have to say though, it is a worry if a guy NEVER kisses you besides sex. If you are asking this question then no, your guy isn't that into you. A guy will make it known when he is into you, absolutely. Lets see. I have a friend who's boyfriend will text her all day pretty much, and he vocally says things like " omg I love you so much, you are the prettiest girl in the room" Where as my own boyfriend tones it down a but more but he has told me that I am the most beautiful woman in the world to him at least a handful of times, and he DID tell me he thought I was gorgeous and adorable when we first started seeing each other. The difference is my boyfriend isn't into being overtly gushy with his feelings the way my mates bf is, and he texts me daily albeit not as much a my friends boyfriend texts her...but he still makes it abundantly clear than he is into me. I admit that I had a problem when I first met my boyfriend right up until quiet recently; I was too hard on him and I expected him to do A LOT in order to show that he was into me. I am the last person who wants to jump to conclusions and assume a guy isn't into me just because he does this and that, less than a friends partner may do for her. Assumptions can ruin otherwise good relationships. I have lived it and made the decision to stop before I lost my boyfriend. Do you know what I did? I put it down to just "knowing" that he was into me. It is a feeling that you either have or you don't, pretty much. That comes from EXPERIENCE since I honestly took years to identify the men who were/weren't into me...I now look at their actions and also make sure my instinct is kicking in... the security I felt with my current partner trumped all the other guys, the other guys weren't bad boys per say, however; I did get hat more uncertain, fleeting feeling from them that lacked substance since .... their actions just didn't quiet.... add up. Signs that I personally use to gauge a guys interest level: - they introduce you to friends and family within the first month or two - they seem really excited with having met you - they are not averse to labelling your relationship after a month or two - they DO NOT IGNORE YOUR TEXTS - they are consistent.. they don't tell you how much they like you and then refuse to invite you to outings, parties, BBQ's and weddings with their best and closest friends and family... I had one guy who was super into me while with me but didn't text me. One guy would ignore me at night if I spent time with male friends. He would just stop texting even when I told him how into him I was and how sad I got when he just ignored me. The last guy just lost interest legitimately, although I think he was into me to begin with. Always remember that the romances that start out hard and fast, where the guy seems SO into you, wants to see you all the time and is saying sweet things to you...... are almost always going to crash and burn, for whatever reason, the men who start out like that don't seem to remain into the girl or ever be into them in the first place, and for whatever reason they lie.. perhaps they just got out of a break up with a girl they ARE in love with and they are lying to themselves that they are OKAY, by throwing themselves into a new relationship... Be careful next time around, try not to let this guy talk his way out of a break up, be 100% sure about WANTING to end things before doing it because I sure remember going to end things with my ex and ... not having the heart to do it.. I still had hope that he was into me, over TWO YEARS later.....
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