I think I'm done going after women

May 17, 2014

I made a thread the other day talking about "women are hard to captivate" it should be "women are so hard to please" but it wouldn't let me type it in. I've seen my friends go through relationship after relationship and it seems like the girl always gives them some type of problem. Yeah, it's nice to have a friend you have sex with (I'm guessing that's what relationships are) but then again, it is such a pain in the neck.

You have to go on dates, you have to spend time with them, you have to constantly reassure them that you love them. Then there's the games that some people play in a relationship and the things you have to do to maintain that relationship. One of my friends said a relationship is the hardest thing he's ever done. It just makes me wonder, what's the point?

I like to live my life in an effective way and I can just see some girl getting in the way of that. Plus there's the risk of getting divorced and that's not something I want.

People will say you will be alone but you have to be content in that loneliness. You have to be really centered to deal with being alone. It's hard and not everyone can do it. But I've been a virgin for all of my life now and I have received no affection from girls. I used to be torn up about it, now I think I'm fine.

I want to know is there any guys who live alone and how do you deal with it?

May 17, 2014

I won't claim to know you on a deeper level, but based on what you've said...it seems like you're just trying to accept your loneliness that you may feel is forced upon you because you don't receive "affection from girls." I don't think you truly like to be alone. There was a point where I didn't mind being alone, but that was a point where I didn't need to reassure me or anything. Quite simply, I wasn't interested in a relationship. I enjoyed the **** out of playing video games, I loved the amount of freedom I had as a single man, and I didn't really think about why being alone was a great thing. That's just the way I felt naturally, so there was nothing to deal with. Then once I started getting the desire to be in a relationship again, I had to learn how to be patient without seeming desperate.

You can make a list of all the pro's and con's to dating, and there's certainly a lot of potentially negative things when it comes to relationships, but everything we pursue with someone has its risks...what it all boils down to is whether or not you're willing to deal with those risks, and accept that bad things can (and will) happen to you.

Women aren't necessities in life. You don't need anyone. We pursue the people we do because we choose to. When you're single, you're never really alone unless you want to be. You can surround yourself with friends, you can talk to people online while playing video games, you can go out and meet new people. You have yourself, and that's really all that you need. When I was "alone," I didn't really think I was alone: I had friends I was communicating with, and I was playing video games at night drinking beer. When I was alone, I had a blast. If you are alone and you feel like you don't know how to deal with it, then the reality is that you really don't want to be single anymore. You have to be true to yourself. You could lie to me all day and say that you're perfectly content being single because of X and Y, but is that really how you feel?

May 17, 2014

You just reassure yourself that you're not the only one who has to deal with women being absolutely ridiculous. And I know this is true in today's society. One day, things might get back to normal.

What is normal?

May 17, 2014

I won't claim to know you on a deeper level, but based on what you've said...it seems like you're just trying to accept your loneliness that you may feel is forced upon you because you don't receive "affection from girls." I don't think you truly like to be alone. There was a point where I didn't mind being alone, but that was a point where I didn't need to reassure me or anything. Quite simply, I wasn't interested in a relationship. I enjoyed the **** out of playing video games, I loved the amount of freedom I had as a single man, and I didn't really think about why being alone was a great thing. That's just the way I felt naturally, so there was nothing to deal with. Then once I started getting the desire to be in a relationship again, I had to learn how to be patient without seeming desperate.

You can make a list of all the pro's and con's to dating, and there's certainly a lot of potentially negative things when it comes to relationships, but everything we pursue with someone has its risks...what it all boils down to is whether or not you're willing to deal with those risks, and accept that bad things can (and will) happen to you.

Women aren't necessities in life. You don't need anyone. We pursue the people we do because we choose to. When you're single, you're never really alone unless you want to be. You can surround yourself with friends, you can talk to people online while playing video games, you can go out and meet new people. You have yourself, and that's really all that you need. When I was "alone," I didn't really think I was alone: I had friends I was communicating with, and I was playing video games at night drinking beer. When I was alone, I had a blast. If you are alone and you feel like you don't know how to deal with it, then the reality is that you really don't want to be single anymore. You have to be true to yourself. You could lie to me all day and say that you're perfectly content being single because of X and Y, but is that really how you feel?

This^^^^

Ox has some good points here.

May 17, 2014

This is not an uncommon thing.

TBH the times they are a-changin' but single people's attitudes are not. Most of us are still trying to date like we're living in the 1950s.

Most men nowadays don't have time to pursue women. And women need to bite the bullet and start pursuing men instead of pushing back against time.

Maybe to us it sounds like saying flowers should start flying after the bees, but I didn't invent change. I'm adapting to it instead of trying to push back.

May 17, 2014

You're lumping us girls all in together there. I haven't had a relationship yet, but I'm pretty sure that you don't have to do that with every single girl out there. I know that if I were going out with someone, I couldn't afford to go out on dates all the time and I'd feel guilty if someone else paid. I wouldn't want someone to be around me 24/7 and I wouldn't want someone telling me that they love me all the time.

Maybe your friends are just going for the wrong girls, so you can't go by what they say. If I went by what my friend's relationships were like then by going by the majority I'd say that men suck. One was sort of abused by a guy and the other one was a complete jerk.

May 18, 2014

To be fair, men aren't exactly the same as they were previous generations either. It's rare to find a guy that is a gentleman yet not a pushover.

Some men take good women for granted as well and go for the bitchy ones.

I know not all men and I know lots of really great ones.

I see a lot of lumping women into one group and that's not fair. I have been in an abusive relationship but I don't call all men abusive.

May 18, 2014

Maybe you shouldn't go after them anymore then?

Saying things like you have to go on dates, spend time with them, tell them your care, maintain things....That's what a relationship is in order for them to work those things you mentioned is apart of that if you're not willing to do them then yeah its going to be relationship after relationship.

Its not just woman lots of men require/want those things too.

Edited May 18, 2014 by Omei

May 18, 2014

People aren't objects. There aren't any who are going to agree with you about everything. They have their own needs. If you ever figure out what love is, this won't be such a burden to you, but love doesn't keep people from working your nerves either. It just makes it more worth it to put up with it.

I find men too much trouble and have been alone for decades. I don't mind. It doesn't seem like you would either since you find people so aggravating.

May 18, 2014

I made a thread the other day talking about "women are hard to captivate" it should be "women are so hard to please" but it wouldn't let me type it in. I've seen my friends go through relationship after relationship and it seems like the girl always gives them some type of problem. Yeah, it's nice to have a friend you have sex with (I'm guessing that's what relationships are) but then again, it is such a pain in the neck.

You have to go on dates, you have to spend time with them, you have to constantly reassure them that you love them. Then there's the games that some people play in a relationship and the things you have to do to maintain that relationship. One of my friends said a relationship is the hardest thing he's ever done. It just makes me wonder, what's the point?

I like to live my life in an effective way and I can just see some girl getting in the way of that. Plus there's the risk of getting divorced and that's not something I want.

People will say you will be alone but you have to be content in that loneliness. You have to be really centered to deal with being alone. It's hard and not everyone can do it. But I've been a virgin for all of my life now and I have received no affection from girls. I used to be torn up about it, now I think I'm fine.

I want to know is there any guys who live alone and how do you deal with it?

Then that will leave you with guys.

May 18, 2014

This is the age of men and women not agreeing with each under unless they are perfectly matched. Men might be too bossy, or demanding, but women are also too picky, too domineering, etc. The grass is always greener on the other side, but listen to me: this and further generations will have far, far fewer babies. The primary reason for this: government forced economics.

I don't know if it's really the government forcing it upon the people, but rather the zeitgeist as you had mentioned above. Even advanced liberal democracies like Germany are encouraging people to have children, with little success and instead relying on immigration to keep the population up.

Birth control, changing gender roles and perspectives from how individuals really see opportunities and freedoms are shaping the future so the elite few men who are prized by the many women proliferate the human race while the less 'desirable' men cease to spread their genetic information.

And perfectly matched is likely not possible if you consider states as not being static but changing. Similar to labour economics, people are expected to do GIGS similar to finding other work.

I'm certain one won't find the 'One' in their lives. Like many people have said on LS, love takes work after the infatuation is gone.

May 18, 2014

Normal is balanced, that means women don't have the special privileges they get in today's society. It means that maybe, they pursue men from time to time (which never happens to me really), and that men don't have to do all the work.

In other words, you want to be women? Role reversals...so you want to have them ask you out, pay for dinner the first date, pursue you for sex, ask you to marry them, protect you from big dogs and spiders? Wow, no wonder you guys are having so much trouble dating. Women do not want to date men who want to be women. Honestly, this is soooo bizarre. What is happening to men?

May 18, 2014

Women are definitely complex creatures! At times it is worth being alone and not dealing with the drama.

If it doesn't come easy then it should not come at all.

May 18, 2014

In other words, you want to be women? Role reversals...so you want to have them ask you out, pay for dinner the first date, pursue you for sex, ask you to marry them, protect you from big dogs and spiders? Wow, no wonder you guys are having so much trouble dating. Women do not want to date men who want to be women. Honestly, this is soooo bizarre. What is happening to men?

I think you took what the poster said a little out of context. Anyways, this type of behavior has a lot to do with feminism. The new generation of men are confused, which is understandable to a degree.

I think all you guys who are struggling with this need to continue to stay positive. Let me tell you something; if you want something real, it is going to take a little while to find the right woman. The kind of woman that you want is a rarity.

I've pursued relationships for all the wrong reasons, got involved with the wrong girls, and it has done nothing but damage to my life (for the most part). Look for someone that has a little morale, not the common western woman who is just looking for a hook up. Meaningless sex is not what it's made out to be, It's empty, and not very pleasant.

For me personally, all my desires were focused on the wrong things in life. I understand, for myself, it's more important for me to create a relationship with my Creator, and from there after, I know everything else will fall into place.

May 18, 2014

This is not an uncommon thing.

TBH the times they are a-changin' but single people's attitudes are not. Most of us are still trying to date like we're living in the 1950s.

Most men nowadays don't have time to pursue women. And women need to bite the bullet and start pursuing men instead of pushing back against time.

Maybe to us it sounds like saying flowers should start flying after the bees, but I didn't invent change. I'm adapting to it instead of trying to push back.

The problem with this is most women, even a majority, aren't having trouble dating. If you don't decide to pursue women, fine, but it won't change women pursuing men. The ones who do are predominately the very desperate, unattractive or masculine. Some might out of curiosity or fun, but not many. Best to be honest with yourselves that you not participating or pursuing won't change women's behaviors very much as most women are getting what they want. Even perusing this board proves that...

Good luck,

G

Edited May 18, 2014 by Grumpybutfun

May 18, 2014

The problem with this is most women, even a majority, aren't having trouble dating. If you don't decide to pursue women, fine, but it won't change women pursuing men. The ones who do are predominately the very desperate, unattractive or masculine. Some might out of curiosity or fun, but not many. Best to be honest with yourselves that you not participating or pursuing won't change women's behaviors very much as most women are getting what they want. Even perusing this board proves that...
Good luck,
G

I think if you peruse the boards most women are NOT getting what they want. There are plenty of women here who describe themselves as attractive, fit, well educated etc etc who can not get a man. Women who approach men are not desperate but they are considered desperate for doing what men these days are too afraid to do. It blows my mind how much women post how hard it is to even meet a half decent man and still men don't listen and insist women have it so easy.

May 18, 2014

I think if you peruse the boards most women are NOT getting what they want. There are plenty of women here who describe themselves as attractive, fit, well educated etc etc who can not get a man. Women who approach men are not desperate but they are considered desperate for doing what men these days are too afraid to do. It blows my mind how much women post how hard it is to even meet a half decent man and still men don't listen and insist women have it so easy.

Are you saying as a fit attractive woman who is successful you cannot get any attention from a man? Any man?

He thinks women are too hard to please anyway so my original comment was OT.

G

Edited May 18, 2014 by Grumpybutfun

May 18, 2014

Are you saying as a fit attractive woman who is successful you cannot get any attention from a man? Any man?
He thinks women are too hard to please anyway so my original comment was OT.
G

I'm saying there's plenty of women who can't get a man and consistently post so on the boards and still the consensus is most women are getting what they want. Only the desperate and unattractive approach men as you stated. It's like the plight of A LOT of women go in one ear and out the next. I see women here constantly posting asking what's wrong with them how come they can't get a man. You say, "The problem with this is most women, even a majority, aren't having trouble dating." I just don't think that's true!

May 18, 2014

In other words, you want to be women? Role reversals...so you want to have them ask you out, pay for dinner the first date, pursue you for sex, ask you to marry them, protect you from big dogs and spiders? Wow, no wonder you guys are having so much trouble dating. Women do not want to date men who want to be women. Honestly, this is soooo bizarre. What is happening to men?

You are somebody that I respect on these boards but men have as much a right not to be boxed in by our gender as women. If a man said this he would called a male chauvinist who is still living in the 1950s.

May 18, 2014

You are somebody that I respect on these boards but men have as much a right not to be boxed in by our gender as women. If a man said this he would called a male chauvinist who is still living in the 1950s.

I was just being cheeky this morning. I guess I'm a chauvanistic pig. I enjoy being a woman with a man who likes the hunt, the chase. I have enjoyed a career in a male dominated field, raised kids by myself most of the time due to his job taking him away and love being a homemaker so I'm obviously pretty traditional except for my career which I'm very successful in.

I do not think I would be inclined to date men like this but since I'm married it doesn't matter to me either way. Maybe some people want relationships where there are no roles and both contribute fifty fifty in all areas. Sounds nice, I've never seen to in real life, but wouldn't that be something? They become genderless and neither has any societal or familial expectations placed on them. Utopia.

If the OP thinks women are more trouble than they are worth, then he should do whatever makes him happy. We all do not have to do the same things in life. I just was being facetious about the expectations men have that women are going to suddenly buck their roles as the pursued and start beating their doors down.

Seems like one poster here already does that so maybe women are now becoming the pursuers.

May 18, 2014

I'm saying there's plenty of women who can't get a man and consistently post so on the boards and still the consensus is most women are getting what they want. Only the desperate and unattractive approach men as you stated. It's like the plight of A LOT of women go in one ear and out the next. I see women here constantly posting asking what's wrong with them how come they can't get a man. You say, "The problem with this is most women, even a majority, aren't having trouble dating." I just don't think that's true!

I've been here for a while and I can count the number of threads by women who can't get a date from any man on this planet with a pulse on one hand whereas men who would accept any woman who was breathing and they still can't get laid or a date, well, we have one every week. Most, I said, most....not all. Apparently I didn't read your thread about not being able to find one guy with a pulse to take you out even if you chase him like you are a member of Dragnet.

G

May 21, 2014

Hi there,

I (24 M) can totally relate to what you've been going through. I have never been in a relationships with women and the dating scene has become too much of a drama for me to even consider returning to it anytime soon. Like you, I used to be torn up back in high school and college and depressed every time girls would reject me. I'd hear and witness the beginnings and ruptures of many relationships of my friends, and I couldn't help it; I'd become very envious and jealous.

However I've accepted who I am and I even take some pride in living in solitude. I have started to enjoy my ''lone wolf'' life. I'm more concerned about my career than my personal or private life: I intend on finishing law school and enrolling myself as a JAG in the Armed Forces. My previous working experience has given me a new insight to commit myself and spend my whole life to something bigger than myself by protecting, and caring for my parents, and those in need in this country and abroad.

I think you need to find (if it's not already done) this special hunch or call of the wild, which will make you forget this issue about loneliness and dating. Eventually, someone will come along, and things will fall in the right place.

What society has set as standards may not and need NOT to be your standards. Be yourself and follow what is right in your heart and mind; do not let others label or affect the judgment of your own worth. I hope this helps.

I wish you much luck mate,

''Nothing is impossible; the word itself says it 'I'm possible!'''

Audrey Hepburn

Edited May 21, 2014 by GGZ

May 21, 2014

Normal is balanced, that means women don't have the special privileges they get in today's society. It means that maybe, they pursue men from time to time (which never happens to me really), and that men don't have to do all the work.

Men don't have to do all the work. Don't do it. See? It's easy!

May 23, 2014

Experience has taught me that a lot of people who are interested in dating are bull headed if nothing else. They'll keep trying to zig long after everyone else has learned to zag.

May 24, 2014

I've been here for a while and I can count the number of threads by women who can't get a date from any man on this planet with a pulse on one hand whereas men who would accept any woman who was breathing and they still can't get laid or a date, well, we have one every week.

I get your point, but I have also discovered with that most of these guys that say they can't get a single date, it's usually technically not true either: sooner or later you'll usually read their posts and discover that the actual problem is that they can't get a date with a woman who fits their desired criteria. i.e., they can't get a date with a woman who is who under a certain weight, or under a certain age, or above a certain level of attractiveness.

So I think people of both genders have the same problem. It's not that they can't find a partner: it's that they can't get a partner that fits the criteria they have decided they want.

In which case, the options seem to be either to adjust your criteria downwards, do some work to make yourself more attractive, or moan on a message board.

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