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First meet from OLD: is something active (bowling, mini golf, biking) a turn off?

Col1

By Col1
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Col1 Established Member

Col1

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Just wondering if ladies expect a first meet to be a sit-down type (coffee date or dinner). If I suggest something active that we have in common would that be a turn-off?

 

I realize the safety of the lady is important (no isolated areas on the first meet, etc) which is why restaurants are so prevalent for first meets. But they are also a little one-dimensional too. I just think an activity date would be better. So I am wondering about the impression that will create. Will ladies be turned off by that suggestion?

Keenly Established Member

Keenly

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Bowling is a bad idea because you can barely hear the other person and you need to be talking.

 

 

Other than that, active or competitive activities are a good call.

 

Mini golf has actually always been my go to.

Smthn_Like_Olivia Established Member

Smthn_Like_Olivia

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I did online dating for 8 months last year, and I can tell you, first meets should always be something short and sweet first, like coffee or drinks. If the initial meet goes well, then it's good to set up an activity date. I can tell you personally, that it was grueling to sit through 2-3 hour dates with someone that was not what they advertised on their profile or I had no interest in whatsoever. And if you set up something for coffee or drinks, and all goes well, then you can extend the date and go from there.

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pteromom Established Member

pteromom

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I did online dating for 8 months last year, and I can tell you, first meets should always be something short and sweet first, like coffee or drinks. If the initial meet goes well, then it's good to set up an activity date. I can tell you personally, that it was grueling to sit through 2-3 hour dates with someone that was not what they advertised on their profile or I had no interest in whatsoever. And if you set up something for coffee or drinks, and all goes well, then you can extend the date and go from there.

 

I agree wtih SLO... first date should just be meeting for coffee or lunch at someplace quick. The purpose of the first date is simply to see if there is attraction and interest in getting to know each other better.

 

For a second date? Sure - bowl and golf AND bike if you want.

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Col1 Established Member

Col1

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I should correct my OP. First meets aren't prevalent at restaurants/coffee shops because of the lady's safety. I think restaurant dates are popular because that is what maybe is expected. Back in high school dating, we did lots of activity dates even with people we met from a different school the city. Then as driving entered the picture, the pressure was there to spring for a restaurant meal like adults did. Just seemed like a grown up thing to do.

 

 

But sit-down meets can be so limiting. Activity dates can spark chemistry. Adrenaline flows. People can be more animated, and not "interviewing." Probably why very few first meets turn into second meets. One never saw the other in their full personality.

 

A game of bowling or mini golf last 30 minutes. Can always end early if no spark, or continue on. Then maybe head to get some food/drinks.

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Col1 Established Member

Col1

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The purpose of the first date is simply to see if there is attraction and interest in getting to know each other better.

One could miss seeing an attractive side of a partner (sitting face to face), then calling it on a lack of chemistry.

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Smthn_Like_Olivia Established Member

Smthn_Like_Olivia

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One could miss seeing an attractive side of a partner (sitting face to face), then calling it on a lack of chemistry.

 

This is not what I mean. I mean when you show up and the person is 10-15 years older than their picture. They're 40lbs heavier or 5'3 instead of 5'11. Its not attractive to lie or misrepresent yourself, but in online dating, this happens quite a bit. I would not waste my time with anyone that could not be honest about simple things upfront, and trust me, I was catfished more than a couple times.

Keenly Established Member

Keenly

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This is not what I mean. I mean when you show up and the person is 10-15 years older than their picture. They're 40lbs heavier or 5'3 instead of 5'11. Its not attractive to lie or misrepresent yourself, but in online dating, this happens quite a bit. I would not waste my time with anyone that could not be honest about simple things upfront, and trust me, I was catfished more than a couple times.

 

What does that have to do with what you do for the first date?

 

If a longer meetup is scheduled but you realize you've been lied to, you could just bail.

Bruce Leigh Established Member

Bruce Leigh

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The biking date could be good as long as you rode side by side quite often, getting to know each other along the way. If there was a group of you, might be a bit more relaxed, not so much of a date.

You could both show a side of each other you would never see sat across a table in a cafe.

Smthn_Like_Olivia Established Member

Smthn_Like_Olivia

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What does that have to do with what you do for the first date?

 

If a longer meetup is scheduled but you realize you've been lied to, you could just bail.

 

I don't like to be rude or ugly. I can endure a drink, or coffee with someone I dont plan on seeing again, but I'm not gonna spend 2 hours with them and I'm not gonna just walk out unless they are rude or ugly to me. Sorry, you're much heavier than you stated, I gotta go.

MissBee Established Member

MissBee

Posted
Posted (edited)
Just wondering if ladies expect a first meet to be a sit-down type (coffee date or dinner). If I suggest something active that we have in common would that be a turn-off?

 

I realize the safety of the lady is important (no isolated areas on the first meet, etc) which is why restaurants are so prevalent for first meets. But they are also a little one-dimensional too. I just think an activity date would be better. So I am wondering about the impression that will create. Will ladies be turned off by that suggestion?

 

There is really no such thing as "ladies" in some abstract sense....every woman is different and there is no one date that each and every woman will like.

 

Find out what the woman you're planning to go out with likes and ask for her opinions on your plans that way you will know FOR SURE if she will appreciate it or not. As what I prefer or the next poster may not at all be what the specific woman you're going out with prefers.

 

I remember one thread where a female poster expressed liking these kinds of activity dates as a first date and in the thread some other women agreed and others didn't agree (including me). So it is really dependent on the person. For our first date, my now bf surprised me, but he planned the date around our conversations and what I said I'd be interested in and also since our date was planned two weeks in advance, he "felt around" by asking me about certain "hypothetical" things I'd be into or not. Worked out perfectly and he planned the date based on knowing what I had previously said I would appreciate and what I wouldn't. You can't go wrong with catering to the specific woman vs. expecting a generic "ladies will like this" solution.

Edited by MissBee
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Col1 Established Member

Col1

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ask for her opinions on your plans that way you will know FOR SURE if she will appreciate it or not.

I'm finding that ladies in their mid 30s want the guy to plan the entire first meet. Then the guy proposes the date idea. She either agrees, declines or suggests a slight change if she's uncomfortable with something. Except... a lot of women are fielding offers for first meets from multiple guys. It's like her choices are for early Saturday evening:

 

1. Joe is offering a drinks in the lounge first followed by dinner at a nice restaurant

2. Gary is offering a wine tasting event

3. Will is offering a theater performance

and

4. Colin (me) is offering to walk our dogs together in the park. But, she's probably thinking: "WTF!!" in comparison to the others.

 

 

She's never going to suggest to me to upgrade my date offer. She will just politely decline and accept someone else's. Sometimes you only get one shot at a yes. That's why I wanted to know if activity dates are a turn-off for a first meet.

Edited by Col1
MissBee Established Member

MissBee

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Posted
I'm finding that ladies in their mid 30s want the guy to plan the entire first meet. Then the guy proposes the date idea. She either agrees, declines or suggests a slight change if she's uncomfortable with something. Except... a lot of women are fielding offers for first meets from multiple guys. It's like her choices are for early Saturday evening:

 

1. Joe is offering a drinks in the lounge first followed by dinner at a nice restaurant

2. Gary is offering a wine tasting event

3. Will is offering a theater performance

and

4. Colin (me) is offering to walk our dogs together in the park. But, she's probably thinking: "WTF!!" in comparison to the others.

 

 

She's never going to suggest to me to upgrade my date offer. She will just politely decline and accept someone else's. Sometimes you only get one shot at a yes. That's why I wanted to know if activity dates are a turn-off for a first meet.

 

It still boils down to: to some women it is and to some it isn't. Does this not make sense that there is no general consensus but it depends on the woman entirely? :confused:

 

Her choice is her choice...if she is "fielding offers" then so be it, but you cannot in any way control if someone has a "better offer", so my advice would be to find out what she likes or would prefer and if she wants to see you she will...regardless of another's offer.

 

I honestly haven't a clue what most are experiencing but when I was online dating it wasn't a competition of who had the best date offers. If I was interested in a man I would see him, period. My interest was in HIM and was as a result of our conversations and whether or not we connected and I wanted to know HIM more...it wasn't some blind picking of who has the best activity. :confused: How bizarre. You make it seem like these woman have zero interest in you but are simply flipping through a schedule of activities with NO consideration to the person behind it. If that's the case do you really want to be "dating" women who don't have any incentive to get to know you besides whether or not your activity is the "best"???

 

While OLD for me it would rarely be a competition between people for the same day or time. First off at any one time I might only be interested in 2 or 3 men as possible potentials. Often, I'd only be scheduling things with one that I'd been speaking with and connected with the MOST. But I could go to dinner with Tom today and the museum with Bill tomorrow or next weekend...none of this was ever a case of "Hmm who has the best activity" but "Who do I want to see most?"

 

Ask the woman for her opinion and plan from there on. If you think her acceptance or refusal is solely based on the activity (and not her actual interest in you), you have it backward.

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Col1 Established Member

Col1

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If most posts here say that an activity for a first meet is not preferable, then I probably shouldn't go against the grain. Dinner or a coffee date is fine for a first meet too.

Edited by Col1
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Col1 Established Member

Col1

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Maybe an activity date for a first meet needs to be differentiated from something buddies do. Otherwise he is just another guy friend to that lady.

 

Perhaps the plan is to mesh a semi-romantic activity with something a little more active than just talking face to face.

carhill Established Member

carhill

Posted
Posted
I just think an activity date would be better. So I am wondering about the impression that will create. Will ladies be turned off by that suggestion?

 

Some will and IME they are quite direct about it, whether declining or suggesting an alternative. IMO, the important thing is to press flesh and see if there is any personal rapport which can grow into a romantic interaction. Whether that comes over lattes or at the mini-golf is dependent upon the specific individuals.

 

If you like activity dates and loathe coffee or drinks for a first meet, that's fine. You'll match up with some and not with others. IMO, don't twist yourself into a pretzel trying to figure out how to turn off the least amount of women. Some will like you; some will not. That's life!

bene Established Member

bene

Posted
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It really depends on the woman but in OLD there is usually a hint on their profile. If a woman lists hiking, biking and kayaking as her hobbies, it should be safe to purpose an outdoor activity. If she's into art, suggest going to a museum etc.

 

Personally I don't like to be sweaty, out of breath or in some awkward position on a first date :D Activities involving physical contact can be too much if you don't even know if you will like each other.

 

I think the first date must not be something extraordinarily creative, a simple coffee date is enough since you are total strangers at this point. And if it's a good first date, you can plan the second date while on the date.

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