thelastunicorn Posted May 17, 2014 Posted May 17, 2014 Once upon a time I worried about this. Now I really don't care what guys think. Since every man is different I am the only constant in all of my relationships. There is no reason for me to decide how soon I do anything based on a variable(men). I sleep with men when I want to and if they have a problem with how soon it happens or how long it takes then it's simply their problem. On to the next one Just last night a guy suggested I come over and spend the night with him. My response? "Ha, dude that's not going to happen this quickly." He laughed it off and changed the subject (as he should). Set boundaries for yourself and your well-being and only date men that are willing to respect them. Sure, some guys will lose interest based on your boundaries but they obviously weren't the best guys for you anyway. 3
Keenly Posted May 17, 2014 Posted May 17, 2014 I seem to be finding myself in the gender opposite type of situation.
travelbug1996 Posted May 17, 2014 Posted May 17, 2014 Does he want you to be his gf or is he just looking for a hookup? He may be asking for sex because that's all he wants or he could possibly be looking to have something a lil more meaningful.
DArtagnan2 Posted May 17, 2014 Posted May 17, 2014 it should be more about losing respect for yourself. If you are ok with hooking up or first date sex and dont feel you lost respect for yourself, then do as you will 1
hotpotato Posted May 17, 2014 Posted May 17, 2014 Find someone else unless you are fine being casual.
Kamila Posted May 17, 2014 Posted May 17, 2014 The impatient ones will disrespect you the minute you say 'no', they'll push again for sex or won't invest more time with you because you're being 'difficult' aka 'not easy'. Or after you 'gave in' they'll dump you and go on to the next one. Not only did they disrespect you, but you'll feel like a fool and you'll lose some respect for yourself which is more worse than the scenario above. 1
carhill Posted May 17, 2014 Posted May 17, 2014 To answer this: Do guys respect women who refuse to sleep with them immediately? My anecdote is that I've only dated and/or married such women and always respected them. Regarding your current prospect: "The only problem is that he ruins it by sometimes asking me when i'm gonna come round to his house, or whether I could "help him out with certain needs" I would concur and it appears his seduction style needs some fine-tuning. 1
michellew Posted May 17, 2014 Posted May 17, 2014 (edited) I've learned that what guys respect most is a confident woman who doesn't worry about things like this and doesn't act any different after the sex happens. My ex-boyfriend was really into me before we slept together. I was confident, fun, outgoing, totally myself around him. He loved everything about me. However, I put a timeline on sex, thinking that the longer I made him wait, the more he'd respect/want me. The minute I slept with him (nearly 3 months after meeting), EVERYTHING CHANGED. It wasn't the sex that changed anything, it was MY BEHAVIOR after that pushed him away. I put so much emphasis and worry into the timing of the sex, that when it finally happened I became clingy and needy. I was no longer the confident, exciting woman he met 3 months before. Had I just went with the flow from the get go and not worried about the sex part, I really think we'd still be together. Just do what feels right, when it feels right. Edited May 17, 2014 by michellew 7
jay1983 Posted May 17, 2014 Posted May 17, 2014 I like girls that wait until they're comfortable. Could be just a week or so of talking and hanging out till they're comfortable enough to be naked in front of me. Kissing on a first date is fine, but ripping off clothes and having sex with someone they just met is kinda weird.
aprilisi Posted May 17, 2014 Posted May 17, 2014 I agree, do what feels right. I hate games, and they are games. Just don't become clingy and all girlfriendish. If you never hear from him again at least you didn't invest much time on him. And don't fall into a booty call either. If he calls or texts after 8pm...booty call. And keep busy, don't always be available for him. Learned those last two the hard way
littleplanet Posted May 17, 2014 Posted May 17, 2014 Um, respect is just that - what it is. "Not that kind of girl" should be distinctly understood to mean no quickie in the sackie. That's straightforward enough. Beyond all that - there is no standard or specific time frame. When the time frame is right (for both parties) then it's right. Before that time, it's just wrong. There's this thing about how guys are always quicker off the mark. I beg to differ. (Life has surprises around every corner!) Settling what time is the right time for both should be a mutual thing. Within reasonable time frames - if that doesn't work for the fella then I guess he's just letting (an anatomically incorrect part of himself) do his thinking for him. And if that time just never comes? Wasn't meant to be. Demanding respect is wonderful. Even better when you've earned it. If the MIQ (man in question) deserves a little slack - then it should be no problem to set your boundaries and have him abide accordingly. In my young life...........I always kind of knew beforehand when respect wasn't going to be there afterward, when things went a little too fast. That's just living and learning. Some never do. Thankfully - there's lots of the other type.
joystickd Posted May 17, 2014 Posted May 17, 2014 Yes it's very hypocritical. I had a stern discussion with a guy who said that he felt he lost respect with a girl because she had sex with him on the first date, even though he was trying to get her to have sex with him. He said that it was his job to push for sex, and it was her job to say no. Personally, I would never lose respect for a woman because she slept with me. Nor would I try rush sex. Women do need to be aware of the dangers of having sex too soon. Dang son! You got the white knight thing going:lmao: 1
Haydn Posted May 17, 2014 Posted May 17, 2014 Stern. Like that. Dang son! You got the white knight thing going:lmao:
ThaWholigan Posted May 19, 2014 Posted May 19, 2014 If I didn't respect a girl, I probably wouldn't even date her, much less sleep with her. If I'm dating her, it means I already have a certain level of respect for her whether she sleeps with me on the 1st date or after 4 months. Perhaps the closest I came to a GF was the 2nd girl I slept with - that was on a 1st date too. We were pretty close for a short while and I was seriously contemplating dating her seriously. It didn't happen because while I was dilly-dallying, she found someone else and we were never official. There were other stuff aswell (we entertained an open relationship possibility, but that obviously never came to fruition). Anyway, my point is my respect for a woman is not measured by how soon she sleeps with me .
hasaquestion Posted May 19, 2014 Posted May 19, 2014 It doesn't matter at all. If he was interested in you for more than sex, he'll still be interested in you - whether you have sex after 1 date or 10 dates. If he wasn't interested in you for more than sex, then he'll leave if/when he gets sex and he'll leave if/when he doesn't. So no, it makes absolutely no difference in the OUTCOME of your "courtship" (for lack of a better word). The only difference is whether or not you have sex in the process of reaching that outcome. Which is up to your personal preference. IMO any guy who uses that "wouldn't date her if she gave me sex" bit is trying too hard to sound righteous and holy about the whole thing. I mean lets be real here. Show me a guy who's turned down a hot/likeable girl for "having sex too soon" and I'll show you a great financing plan for a personal spaceship. 2
Trane Posted May 20, 2014 Posted May 20, 2014 Patience can be an amazing thing when it comes to receiving great sex. Makes me want to give that much more pleasure to the woman in question. This may sound bad but I can honestly say that I lose interest in very quickly. I don't give certain women the time in the world to figure out what they want from me because they almost always never know what they want to begin with. Other times I've lost interest or flat out left the woman is after having found out she's screwing 3, 4 or 5 guys behind my back meanwhile I'm the one that's making the date/dinner/night-on-the-town-plans for us. I also lose interest very quickly if the potential connection to the second date seems wishy-washy or pretentious. You either like what you see and hear from me after a date or two. I'm not gonna waste my hard earned dollars or wait in vain for the woman to decide whether I'm good enough to see her naked. I can go to a strip club without having to pay for all the dating stuff.
preraph Posted May 20, 2014 Posted May 20, 2014 Men who are themselves ho's but who disrespect women who sleep with them sooner than whatever imaginary calendar they have in their heads are just hypocritical idiots. "Make them work for it" IF you want to be considered a trophy your entire life. Otherwise, do it when it feels right for you and not a minute before -- regardless how much "work" he's putting in. 1
Smilecharmer Posted May 20, 2014 Posted May 20, 2014 I seem to be finding myself in the gender opposite type of situation. What do you mean, keenly?
Phantom888 Posted May 20, 2014 Posted May 20, 2014 If you are seeking a relationship with a good guy, it would help your chances if you wait to have sex. The non-committal man-childs, the ones who would disappear after sex, have no patience. They are out to have sex, so every moment spent on you, is time sacrificed for getting laid elsewhere. You can easily see through their games by making them wait. They will get impatient, get extra persuasive, and tell you everything you want to hear. Some of them are great pretenders, but eventually they will reveal themselves. Just be vigilant and skeptical. 3
Keenly Posted May 20, 2014 Posted May 20, 2014 What do you mean, keenly? I tell girls I would prefer to wait a little and they get turned off by it. I'm not really sure how to deal with that.
carhill Posted May 20, 2014 Posted May 20, 2014 I tell girls I would prefer to wait a little and they get turned off by it. I'm not really sure how to deal with that. Yeah, I got/get that a lot too. Apparently, lack of overt sexual acts indicates to those examples that the man is not interested in them sexually. If he's not 'pushing the envelope', it's presumed his interest is insufficient and respect and attraction can be easily lost. I mostly got this comment back when a virgin and wishing to confine sex to established and clearly exclusive relationships. It appeared a woman 'respected' a man who was apparently 'out there' with his sexual desire where she could be the gatekeeper. This was also attractive to her. That ties in with the OP's posting as she is now deciding whether or not to open the gates but has no doubt about the man's sexual interest. I think that's an important consideration to benefit him, especially if the OP's sexual style is complimentary, IOW his sexual interest feeds hers with the decision of 'when' or 'never' being the main consideration. If she's asking the question, she's interested sexually. 'Will he respect me in the morning?' Unknown. Only way to know is to go. Wish there was an 8-ball that one could gaze into and get the right answer every time but I don't think there is.
Baller25 Posted May 21, 2014 Posted May 21, 2014 I hate to say it, like I really hate to say it, but it's better if the girl waits out. I find it difficult to consider a girl relationship material if she puts out on the first date. I know it's judging, but you can't help but think that she is just as bad as you —*us guys want a girl that considers sex as something that has an emotional element to it. We see girls that see sex as just something physical as girls that are like us, like us men, and thats a huge turn off. That being said, outside of forums I've always told girls that I cut off contact if we haven't boned after the 2nd date
BeholdtheMan Posted May 21, 2014 Posted May 21, 2014 I've never disrespected a woman who was quick to hop into bed with me. My GF and I had sex on the third date. We've been together for four years. If anything, I respected her for not being fake. She wanted sex and wasn't afraid to convey that. What I hate most is women who put on airs because they're overly concerned with what society deems "appropriate". To me, that shows lack of independent thinking.
dragon_fly_7 Posted May 21, 2014 Posted May 21, 2014 (edited) What I hate most is women who put on airs because they're overly concerned with what society deems "appropriate". To me, that shows lack of independent thinking.It's because of the freaking double standard. We're suppose be playing hard to get and while putting effort into getting to him and all that.... while that very same guy would have no problems already screwing an easy girl and then disappear. I would hate being called a guy's trophy. I'm no trophy, prize, nor mountain to climb to. I'm a human being, not an object and if that's the only compliment I get while he doesn't practice the same he's asking for, like another poster said it he's an idiotic hypocrite and a fake. I mean how many endless times has it been preached at certain school or elsewhere only about girls respecting themselves or else guys will use you. Yet, I don't hear too much about teaching guys not to use girls for quickies and actually having respect for themselves as well too, to stop trying to go to clubs to lose their v-cards to hookers nor treat it as a ''Who losses it first'' contest. Edited May 21, 2014 by dragon_fly_7
somedude81 Posted May 21, 2014 Posted May 21, 2014 The purpose of making a man wait for sex, is that it will filter out the men who just want sex. A man who truly wants a relationship will be able to wait a reasonable amount of time. If you feel that you can trust him, that he wants a relationship, then there really isn't any point in making him wait past the time what you feel comfortable with.
Recommended Posts