rdons1 Posted May 16, 2014 Posted May 16, 2014 has anyone ever had an experience as a dumpee where they broke NC and it actually worked in there favor?
awesome0 Posted May 16, 2014 Posted May 16, 2014 It depends on what your asking about working in my favor. I had a mutual breakup because I was moving states. I took me about 2 months to get over her and after a few months after that I had to return for a wedding so I broke it because I know she was going to be there as well and didn't want an awkwardness to appear. We actually ended up going together and had one of the best weekends of my life but afterwards when I returned home she kept sending mixed messages and phone calls for a few weeks after and it really set me back for quite a while because I actually thought she wanted me to move back to be with her and I actually considered it but in the end it wasn't what she wanted. My advice is to not do it depending on how long its been and how you feel. If you are asking you are not, but tread anyway you feel, although expect to be set back. I wouldn't do it. If they cared they will respond but it most likely be not what you want to hear and will just set you back. Give it time for yourself, its been my experience that it will be broken one way or the other at some point, but eventually you will be indifferent. My advice, don't do it. 1
awesome0 Posted May 16, 2014 Posted May 16, 2014 Oh sorry yeah better put my situation was semi-mutual but I was the dumpee in this case because she wanted me to move for a new career for me even though I wanted to stay for her. In the end it was the right choice even though she made it for me
Ordinaryday Posted May 17, 2014 Posted May 17, 2014 It depends on what you mean as 'working in your favour'. I have heard of dumpees breaking Nc to apologise for their behaviour and ask for forgiveness, and it works in their 'favour' in that the dumper accepts their apology and peace is made. I have never heard of the dumpee breaking Nc and then the dumper taking them back cos of it. It depends on what you want out of it
Jiivy Posted May 17, 2014 Posted May 17, 2014 It really does depend - if you've been left because of something you did to break that relationship, then I can totally see the dumpee (going away, working on themselves, fixing it etc etc) breaking NC. I think the "golden" rule on NC is that if you can't be ok with every possible outcome that breaking it might bring, you shouldn't. If they've broken up with you, for example, to be with someone else/they don't want you anymore/both then I don't really see how breaking NC is anything but self-abuse. 2
Ordinaryday Posted May 17, 2014 Posted May 17, 2014 I think the "golden" rule on NC is that if you can't be ok with every possible outcome that breaking it might bring, you shouldn't. If they've broken up with you, for example, to be with someone else/they don't want you anymore/both then I don't really see how breaking NC is anything but self-abuse. Preach it!!! that's why all dumpees here are told again and again not to break NC with things like Happy Birthday messages! I read one thread saying something like "it is ONLY ok to text the dumper happy birthday if you truly WANT NOTHING OUT OF IT other than to wish them a happy birthday! if you can honestly say that you will not feel the slightest bit of disappointment if they ignore your text or respond back simply with 'thanks' and then go on ignoring you, or if they text you back with 'thanks, I am celebrating it with my new boyfriend', if you truly can't say that them responding with something like that won't hurt you then YOU SHOULD NOT BE BREAKING NC" until you are 100% over them and I mean ONEHUNDRED PERCENT, Not ninety-nine point nine-nine, then breaking NC for any reason is just an invitation to get hurt.
BC1980 Posted May 17, 2014 Posted May 17, 2014 Preach it!!! that's why all dumpees here are told again and again not to break NC with things like Happy Birthday messages! I read one thread saying something like "it is ONLY ok to text the dumper happy birthday if you truly WANT NOTHING OUT OF IT other than to wish them a happy birthday! if you can honestly say that you will not feel the slightest bit of disappointment if they ignore your text or respond back simply with 'thanks' and then go on ignoring you, or if they text you back with 'thanks, I am celebrating it with my new boyfriend', if you truly can't say that them responding with something like that won't hurt you then YOU SHOULD NOT BE BREAKING NC" until you are 100% over them and I mean ONEHUNDRED PERCENT, Not ninety-nine point nine-nine, then breaking NC for any reason is just an invitation to get hurt. I think if you get to the point that you don't care if someone responds, you shouldn't even care to text the person anyway. It's clearly not a meaningful relationship. People just want an excuse to contact. 3
Author rdons1 Posted May 19, 2014 Author Posted May 19, 2014 We broke up 2 weeks ago and I haven't talked in 1 week (she initiated contact) and still want her back so bad. A few days ago I started feeling better but today I just felt really down and miss her a lot. I was fine and then like 2 days ago she randomly tried adding me back on snapchat after deleting me from it when we broke up and I know it probably doesn't mean but I cant help but think she did it because she misses me, I didn't add her back btw. I think im going in the right direction with NC. Clearly she's thinking about me because she randomly tried adding me back on snapchat but I just want her to do more then occasionally think of me
greenbee81 Posted May 19, 2014 Posted May 19, 2014 I think you know what's good for you. If not, go no contact for a least a month to see how you still feel. It's only been a few weeks for me but everyday it's easier and you start to realize there's others out there.
flitzanu Posted May 19, 2014 Posted May 19, 2014 We broke up 2 weeks ago and I haven't talked in 1 week (she initiated contact) and still want her back so bad. A few days ago I started feeling better but today I just felt really down and miss her a lot. I was fine and then like 2 days ago she randomly tried adding me back on snapchat after deleting me from it when we broke up and I know it probably doesn't mean but I cant help but think she did it because she misses me, I didn't add her back btw. I think im going in the right direction with NC. Clearly she's thinking about me because she randomly tried adding me back on snapchat but I just want her to do more then occasionally think of me NC is not a tool to win someone back, it is a tool to help yourself heal. if she thinks of you, it's not going to be because you're friends on social media. cut her out and block her. if she wants to talk to you, she will find a way, and don't settle for anything but "i want to talk about getting back together", otherwise you're wasting your time. 1
Author rdons1 Posted May 21, 2014 Author Posted May 21, 2014 We broke up about 2 months ago mainly because when she asked if I wanted to stay with her when she went away to school I said no. So she broke up with me but we stayed in contact for about a month and hung out and basically acted like we were still together but then 2 weeks ago she ended with me for good and I immediately regretted saying I didn't want to be with her because I did and I told her that. I've been no contact since then but I really want to break it soon. My dilemma is that since she's going away to school I know my only chance of reconciliation would have to be some time this summer. Should I just give contacting her a go soon so we could spend the summer together because if not shell just go away to school and well never be together. To me its basically now or never.
xUnknown Posted May 21, 2014 Posted May 21, 2014 We broke up about 2 months ago mainly because when she asked if I wanted to stay with her when she went away to school I said no. So she broke up with me but we stayed in contact for about a month and hung out and basically acted like we were still together but then 2 weeks ago she ended with me for good and I immediately regretted saying I didn't want to be with her because I did and I told her that. I've been no contact since then but I really want to break it soon. My dilemma is that since she's going away to school I know my only chance of reconciliation would have to be some time this summer. Should I just give contacting her a go soon so we could spend the summer together because if not shell just go away to school and well never be together. To me its basically now or never. I say go for it. Tell her you want to work on things over the summer and be with her when she leaves for school, and that you're committed. If they don't work out, they don't work out. But it seemed like you were the one to end it with her, so you should be the one to get it back.
d0nnivain Posted May 21, 2014 Posted May 21, 2014 You better have a really good reason for why you now want to try a LDR. She's had months to realize that entering college with a fresj clean slate -- no BF back home -- is a good thing.
Author rdons1 Posted June 7, 2014 Author Posted June 7, 2014 (edited) Since the breakup I kept having these thoughts that we would get back together. The whole time all I did was think of ways to get her back and how I would do it. I knew thinking like this would never let me get over her. As long as I had any thoughts that maybe we could get back together it would just delay everything. So I started texting my ex about how I still have feelings for her ( I know big mistake) and she pretty much just told me that shes sorry but the feelings just aren't there anymore. I thought hearing this would break my heart but honestly im glad I heard that.While contacting her may have set me back in my healing a little I think in the long run her saying what she said will prove to be beneficial to my healing. I finally can accept we wont be getting back together and there is nothing I can do other then just move on .I don't have to sit here plotting ways to get her back or anything because I know its not going to happen. It was always difficult for me to block her number and block her on social media because I was such a sucker for the breadcrumbs but now I have no problem blocking her .So is it weird that I have this bittersweet feeling about what she said? It sucks she doesn't feel the same way but now I can finally just let go and honestly a part of me feels happy. Edited June 7, 2014 by rdons1
seminoles84 Posted June 7, 2014 Posted June 7, 2014 Not much to add but Snapchat is the devil when it comes to relationships. 1
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