jt27 Posted May 16, 2014 Posted May 16, 2014 I have always considered myself a very logical person and since my break up logic is getting it's butt kicked by emotions (I understand it's normal for what I am going through). Everytime I think I am being logical, emotions and feelings win out in the end. It is a strange and unfamiliar feeling. How do you feel about this gentlemen? How does it make you feel? I am not trying to be sexist here, but is this what women deal with on a regular basis? Allowing your emotions to trump logic and dictate your decisions? Because right now, I can definitely relate.
pteromom Posted May 16, 2014 Posted May 16, 2014 Yep, pretty much. Although I am more like a guy when it comes to this. But yes, this is why women can make very stupid choices... they "follow their heart", not realizing the heart is a complete moron. 4
FredJones80 Posted May 16, 2014 Posted May 16, 2014 I was thinking of an example of this recently, I guess it falls under Emotion vs Logic. Emotion : Most dumpee's hope, cling and wait for the day their ex says they made a massive mistake, can we try again please. Logic : I've never broke up with my ex by "accident" .. so unless you're 18 and said it in the heat of the moment then got back together within a couple of days... logic says it isn't happening 2
BC1980 Posted May 16, 2014 Posted May 16, 2014 Emotion usually trumps in most cases, regardless of sex. I think this goes for anything really, not just love. I think that's why it's advisable to remain NC because dumpees usually can't handle being logical around their exes. It sucks, but it's to your benefit to sever the emotional tie quickly because that is all that can help you. I had a really hard time getting to the point of even wanting to sever the tie because I knew it could be successfully done if given long enough. I'm still a little scared of being completely I different because those were some oft best times.
amaysngrace Posted May 16, 2014 Posted May 16, 2014 A healthy balance of both is best. Too much logic and not enough emotion is just as yuck as too much emotion and not enough logic. I don't think that gender has anything to do with it though. From my understanding it's an intelligence thing.
BC1980 Posted May 16, 2014 Posted May 16, 2014 I'll also add that emotion usually wins out with dumpers too. Unless there is an obvious reason (cheating, abuse, addiction), you almost never get any concrete answer as the reason for the breakup. It's virtually impossible to logically argue the reason of a breakup. I remember my ex saying several times, "it just feels like we shouldn't be together." He had a lot of trouble coming up with reasons, even though I persisted in wanting one. I would say, logically, it makes no sense that a few weeks ago, you were talking about what kind of cake we wanted at our wedding and if we should get a joint bank account, but it's fruitless to get into that. Yes, logically, it does make no sense, but emotion always wins. Emotions are why people stay in dysfunctional relationships for years before they are able to muster up the courage to leave. My aunt stayed with her alcoholic husband who cheated on her multiple times during their 38 year marriage. When asked why she stayed, she simply stated that she loved him. Emotion wins. 1
Author jt27 Posted May 16, 2014 Author Posted May 16, 2014 Maybe it would be better said that women have more emotions or are more emotional, therefore it's harder for logic to win out? Yes? No?
Author jt27 Posted May 16, 2014 Author Posted May 16, 2014 Or maybe I just suck at understanding women
BC1980 Posted May 16, 2014 Posted May 16, 2014 Maybe it would be better said that women have more emotions or are more emotional, therefore it's harder for logic to win out? Yes? No? I don't know honestly. I tend to think that men are conditioned to hide their feelings, and women are encouraged to express our feelings.
Reels Posted May 17, 2014 Posted May 17, 2014 Yes, a balance is what required, or else you will be problematic for all.
AnyaNova Posted May 17, 2014 Posted May 17, 2014 I have always considered myself a very logical person and since my break up logic is getting it's butt kicked by emotions (I understand it's normal for what I am going through). Everytime I think I am being logical, emotions and feelings win out in the end. It is a strange and unfamiliar feeling. How do you feel about this gentlemen? How does it make you feel? I am not trying to be sexist here, but is this what women deal with on a regular basis? Allowing your emotions to trump logic and dictate your decisions? Because right now, I can definitely relate. Except us women who tend to be more logical on a day to day basis, get into a relationship thinking we can keep everything safe, comfortable, and in check with logic. And then feelings take over and kick our butts! I know what you mean. It is like I try and try to exercise logic a hundred times a day when I have a relapse. Doesn't work well. 1
carhill Posted May 17, 2014 Posted May 17, 2014 How do you feel about this gentlemen? How does it make you feel? TBH, I feel that divorce sharpened the stick of blending emotion and logic into a more healthy milieu for myself. The MC process and doing EOL care at the same time created a gauntlet of some of life's strongest emotions with the benefit of some professional guidance as to how to process emotions and thoughts. IMO, it was learning how to process 'stuff' that provided both peace and more effective living. My takeaway? Life is imperfect! What I do now is consciously un-bind myself from the emotions of the moment to see alternative emotions and paths where specific interactions can go. Life doesn't have to be linear. That's the essence of choices.
BC1980 Posted May 17, 2014 Posted May 17, 2014 I know what you mean. It is like I try and try to exercise logic a hundred times a day when I have a relapse. Doesn't work well. Here's what I've come to believe. Emotions still wins out, but, by going NC long enough, I've gotten to a point where I've dulled out the emotions. I don't need to use the logical arguments nearly as much. In the first few months, I wanted to break NC so badly, so I would use logical arguments all day just to keep myself from contacting him. After about 4 months, I noticed a marked difference. I didn't care as much anymore because he was no longer relevant to my life. 2
littleplanet Posted May 19, 2014 Posted May 19, 2014 Head versus heart: The "logic" of heart needs to be understood by the head. (Can a heart have any logic at all?) Sure. Are feelings logical? Sure. Do the two dance together? or wipe out on the dance floor........ Well, when they do dance together well, it's Saturday Night Fever. Funny thing: typical guy stuff. In the midst of emotional chaos, grief, venting and all - the logical decision to be the rock, the tuff one......for the purpose of supplying the shoulder to lean on. I don't really think about it - just do it. Like it's ingrained in the chromosomes. But - being a musician my whole life - taught me the therapeutic value of emoting passion. Music can be absolutely volcanic. Which is why I love it. But I never kept it just musical.....it spilled out into the rest of my life. That eternal question: is love illogical? We tend to think that when it doesn't work out. We tend to think the opposite when it does work out. So what is a "logical" love, anyway? (a successful one?) One thing's for sure. There's a gazzillion kinds of love in the world, besides the romantic kind. Are they all related? Probably......to some degree. Not the same kinds of results, or the same kinds of impact. As to gender-specific definitions? I believe it's all conditioning. Yet I don't believe for a second that gender is entirely defined by conditioning. I don't think we ever figured out how to "manufacture" boys and girls specifically. And I sort of hope we never do.
STM206 Posted May 19, 2014 Posted May 19, 2014 Logic and emotion are two polar opposites, at least personally. The logic tells me that he's moved on, isn't looking back and is proably happier with his decision. The heart says that it can't be the case, we shared 4 amazing years together and that he isn't happy with his decision. It's torture to be honest, because the heart seems to take charge most of the time. 1
JahnJahn Posted May 19, 2014 Posted May 19, 2014 I have been slapped with the Logic vs Emotions thing a few times in the past few days. I personally have never had a problem with it. Scenario. You are truly inlove with someone but you live in a different country. 1. Your heart tells you to relocate as you know you will have a better life with them. 2. Your head tells you you do not need to relocate and leave everything behind, you can find another love. In that scenario it would be interesting to see what one chooses. I tend to listen to my heart while pouring some thoughts from my head into it. If my heart tells me to risk it but my brain tells me to move on, I would risk it while preparing for the worst ( I hope that makes sense ). People tend to associate emotion with bad outcomes, which is not necessarily true, as a poster said before, a balance of both is mostly preferable. What im saying is, they give different results each time, depending on the setting.
No Limit Posted May 19, 2014 Posted May 19, 2014 I made a comlpete fool of myself at first, and I'm glad I didn't know about LS back then because honestly, any advice I'd be given I would have ignored because I was desperate and it would have made me look like a total idiot. But that behavior passed after only 2 weeks. That was when my head took over and it's reigned ever since.
7yearsbroken Posted May 19, 2014 Posted May 19, 2014 I believe emotions wins most battles, logic kicks in and reveals the ugly truths. Emotions: she would never leave me, she loves me, she's just confused, she will come back, she's perfect she's just going through a phase. She's just away from me and feels lonely. Blah blah blah. Your emotions and attachment to a person you desire will always have you negotiate what's really going on. Logic: if she really loved you, would another man be able to lay her in bed, and make love to her? Would a loving, perfect woman lie to you and drag your emotions along and then coldly breakup without warning? Your logic will always show you the ugly truth, it is your instincts warning you before you make a extremely stupid decision. One you probably made already. As humans we can't help but to make emotional decisions, often defying logic. We take risks, avoiding the logical route. I agree a healthy balance of both is ideal. I can't help but to wonder what logic has a partner hurt someone so bad, one they claim to love. Emotionally it does not make sense neither. The selfish people you love will destroy you if you let them. Before you take that risk know what you sign up for.
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