iwantmysecondchance Posted April 29, 2014 Posted April 29, 2014 how do you break the cycle of maybes? He tells me he cant confidently say i wasnt the one, but that odds are we wont get back together. I know its all bull**** because we were soulmates. How do I break the cycle and make real progress? Any tips for NC to help me through so he realizes on his own?
xUnknown Posted April 29, 2014 Posted April 29, 2014 how do you break the cycle of maybes? He tells me he cant confidently say i wasnt the one, but that odds are we wont get back together. I know its all bull**** because we were soulmates. How do I break the cycle and make real progress? Any tips for NC to help me through so he realizes on his own? NC is just that...No Contact. The only tip is to follow whats in the sticky. He has to realize it on his own. You can't make him. 1
Jiivy Posted April 29, 2014 Posted April 29, 2014 The tips for NC is to keep NC. Unfortunately it takes a little time for things to click...but you're in a place right now where it's perceived as "something to get him back". Nothing will get him back, because he's gone. NC is for you, to get over the emotional black hole that's swallowed you up. It's to get distance, to heal, to get some real honest-to-god perspective on the relationship and ultimately, to get to a place where you no longer NEED the relationship. Then, only then...IF he was to ever come back...you'll be able to see things clearly! 2
BC1980 Posted April 29, 2014 Posted April 29, 2014 This sounds a lot like my situation. Fortunately, I went NC with the intention of never speaking to my ex again. It's great. I don't have to listen to his empty promises anymore. He said the things you are describing. He just couldn't be sure, but we couldn't be together right now. He was keeping the engagement ring because he was just so confused. I was broken hearted and humiliated to top it off. He left me with virtually nothing after promising me the world. I didn't have much money saved, and I had to go back and stay with my parents. Talk about a low point. The quicker you cut off this baggage, the better off you will be. Don't waste your time and your life on people who won't commit. I thought he was the love of my life and all of that too. I thought we were different. Trust me, we've all had those notions. You might see it that way, but he doesn't. If he did, there would be no hesitation. Make no mistake. You waiting around helps him but hurts you. You need to go live your life, and leave him behind. Through all of that awfulness, I learned that self respect can't be bought. 1
Author iwantmysecondchance Posted May 5, 2014 Author Posted May 5, 2014 So pretty much when my ex and i text he normally asks for space. Anytime I ask about whether things feel unfinished to him he says "yes sometimes but for now i want to keep working on ourselves seperately". I try and find out if he still loves and misses me and he dodges the question. He admitted he's careful about what he says and how he words things because he doesnt want me to get carried away with trying to make things happen before we are both stronger. He agreed to get together in June and see what happens. Think this is a good sign? If he wasn't considering a reunion would he agree to hang out?
elseaacych Posted May 5, 2014 Posted May 5, 2014 Based on your story, you guys have already had the talk about you not wanting to be the back up plan. Because you two have been in a relatively long term relationship, you have to make the assumption he knows how a healthy relationship works, and that people work together and grow together in a mutually supportive way. This "working on ourselves separately" is not a relationship. It doesn't even do anything to foster a relationship. You guys aren't together. It's evident that he's seeing other people and pursuing other relationships, but he keeps putting you off even though "These people aren't as good as you." Well, if those people aren't as good as you, why hasn't he come back already and begged for his second chance? It means he's still looking for something better. If he finds "something better", he won't meet up with you. He'll come up with an excuse to keep putting you off. He'll drop off the face of the Earth once he's found something better. Meanwhile, he's keeping you on the back burner in case things go south. What's so special about June? If he comes back wanting you in June, you know he's already broken up with you once, and he kept putting you off! He could keep putting you off if he wanted to. Because he's still looking for something better, even if "everyone he's met pales in comparison to you." (Quote from your other thread). He may say these nice things to you, but he's not acting on it! If he wanted you, he'd be with you? If Don't you demand a little more respect? Someone who doesn't dictate a relationship solely by his terms? No, if he wanted you. He would be with you. Don't wait around for this bull****. You don't know what he wants, but you know he doesn't want you. And he chooses not to want you Every. Single. Day. It's not fair for your life to be dictated by him, especially when he has already said he doesn't want you. Think of it this way, if you wait around for him until June. You might meet someone tomorrow who could potentially be the love of your life. But, instead you ignore Mr. Charming because are waiting until June for this Buttwaffle who tells you nice things, but has already rejected you! And keeps rejecting you! You've asked for your second chance. He said no, and maybe. The maybe is because he is keeping you on the back burner. You've lost a great opportunity because you are waiting around on someone who 's greatest asset right now is that he was dumb enough to throw away a good relationship with someone he loved. [sarcasm] Look, you are an awesome individual. You made this guy fall in love with you. You have many lovable qualities, but instead you pass up opportunities to meet new people who WILL FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU, AND WANT YOU, AND NOT REJECT YOU, because you keep waiting on a guy who keeps rejecting you EVERY SINGLE DAY, knows it, and will only come back when it suits him. You may get that second chance, but is it really the second chance you want, with someone who rejected you, and who just keeps rejecting you and knows he can leave when he wants and you will just take him back? Is that fair to you? So, I am going to make a recommendation to you. Be fair to you. You are awesome. You deserve someone who wants you NOW. You deserve someone who wants you EVERY SINGLE DAY. You deserve someone who will LOVE YOU AND NEVER LEAVE YOU. I know you wanted your last relationship to work. You were probably the stronger one because you might have said or felt "I will not leave you no matter what happens." You would have gone through hell and high water for him. You were strong. Now, invest that strength in someone who matters. You. Be strong enough to say: "I deserve someone who wants me now and will want me every single day." "I deserve a life where I am not waiting around on some guy to make up his mind on whether he loves me or not." "He is not doing this for me, so I deserve better." So you do what you have to. Mercy shot to the head. Instant death. You go full blown NC. Even if he contacts you. Even if he says the magic words. You wait until he says them again. Unprompted by you. You read these two posts, and re read them every day until they are burned into your soul. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/470829-all-new-2014-no-contact-guide http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/418763-if-youve-been-broken-up-broken-hearted Make on making yourself into a person you want to be. The sooner you stop waiting around and you do that you will find someone who loves you for who you are and who you want to be. And they will love you every single day. 1
Author iwantmysecondchance Posted May 16, 2014 Author Posted May 16, 2014 Hi loveshack community, Long story short my ex has been stringing me along and I've texted him far too much and not respected the space he asked for. He recently told me he knows i want him back and that i go about it all wrong when i text him nonstop and remind him of how it was at the end right before we broke up. He told me to "let him miss me by giving him space". I'm committed to actually going through with NC, which i have failed to do since the breakup 6 months ago. If we go a few days or weeks without talking his demeanor changes but when i try and talk feelings or about the future he gets rude. Any tips on helping me make it through and create my absence? Not just for him to miss me, but for me to grow and heal and get rid of the insecurities that cause me to triple text him in the first place! PS if he's basically TELLING me how to win him back, that's kind of positive right? looking for any silver lining here!
organizedchaos Posted May 16, 2014 Posted May 16, 2014 Hi loveshack community, Long story short my ex has been stringing me along and I've texted him far too much and not respected the space he asked for. He recently told me he knows i want him back and that i go about it all wrong when i text him nonstop and remind him of how it was at the end right before we broke up. He told me to "let him miss me by giving him space". I'm committed to actually going through with NC, which i have failed to do since the breakup 6 months ago. If we go a few days or weeks without talking his demeanor changes but when i try and talk feelings or about the future he gets rude. Any tips on helping me make it through and create my absence? Not just for him to miss me, but for me to grow and heal and get rid of the insecurities that cause me to triple text him in the first place! PS if he's basically TELLING me how to win him back, that's kind of positive right? looking for any silver lining here! Then why can't you do what he asks? Have you completely disappeared from him online? 1
Simon Phoenix Posted May 16, 2014 Posted May 16, 2014 Here's one -- when you actually go No Contact STICK TO IT! The advice is to just show willpower and stop caving like a weak-willed wuss. Make yourself busy with other things that have nothing to do with contact with your ex -- hang out with friends, make new friends, start a project, pick up a new hobby, work out, the list goes on and on. And it's not about getting him back, it's about getting yourself back to where you aren't the clingy, overtexting goober you've become. But it's not splitting the atom. The key to No Contact is actually going through with it. Block him everywhere, do not call him, do not text him, do not check up with him on social media, do everything else.
learning_slowly Posted May 16, 2014 Posted May 16, 2014 PS if he's basically TELLING me how to win him back, that's kind of positive right? looking for any silver lining here! The previous posts may seem a bit harsh, but they mean well and they have seen this post countless times. I'm afraid to say there is little chance of you getting back together, otherwise he would have tried to work through the problems together. I'm not saying it is over, but there is a high chance. Thus, you need to go NC and start to rebuild your life around you. Would you go out with you? Look at yourself and really look at what you offered him. Love alone is not always enough. Become a person that you would want to go out with. Then he may see the same. If not then somebody else will. In the mean time, don't contact him and he may realise what he's missing. If not, you will get over him faster. Good luck, alot of us have been there.
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