Is it wrong I don't have females who are friends unless They are unattractive?

[Amcmillin]

So.... Here is a question. When I was younger I used to be willing to give friendship a try with pretty much anyone. Soon I learned I couldn't be friends with good women unless I was not interested in them romantically or sexually.

 

I have a huge group of male friends whome I spend a considerable amount of time with. I am acquaintances with women but treat them no differently than I do my guy acquaintances.

 

Is it wrong that I won't get close with a woman unless its for romantic or sexual reasons?

[Candy_Pants]

No. It's not "wrong". Do you realize close personal (platonic) friendships can be very rewarding?

[hotpotato]

Nope. I am that way with men. I have to be because they kept getting the wrong impression. I don't bother with men unless they are gay or I want to date them.

[Quiet Storm]

Nope. I am that way with men. I have to be because they kept getting the wrong impression. I don't bother with men unless they are gay or I want to date them.

 

Yes, I am married but I've had the same experience. Men can't be just friends with me. And I'm not one of those women that are cool with being "friends" while knowing men are thinking sexual thoughts about me. I don't feel like it's a true friendship if he has an agenda.

[KaliLove]

So.... Here is a question. When I was younger I used to be willing to give friendship a try with pretty much anyone. Soon I learned I couldn't be friends with good women unless I was not interested in them romantically or sexually.

 

I have a huge group of male friends whome I spend a considerable amount of time with. I am acquaintances with women but treat them no differently than I do my guy acquaintances.

 

Is it wrong that I won't get close with a woman unless its for romantic or sexual reasons?

 

No..but please please don't ever let them know that you think they're unattractive...that would not be very nice...

[janedoe67]

This reminds me of When Harry Met Sally.

 

I don't think there is anything wrong with only wanting to be close in a romantic to women who are attractive to you. Honestly, I think a lot of people unconsciously do this.

[Amcmillin]

No. It's not "wrong". Do you realize close personal (platonic) friendships can be very rewarding?

 

Absolutely I have very close platonic friends whom are guys or much older women who I have 0 attraction to and that won't change. However, my philosophy is would my behavior need to change if I am ever in a relationship that's romantic. So far it's been no, it wouldn't. Why? No chance of cheating in any form or hurt feelings or chances at co dependency

[SolG]

I'm platonic friends with some really attractive guys, and for those that are attached I'm also friends with their partners. But, I'm not platonic friends with any guys I'm attracted to (as opposed to just being attractive).

 

The only exception to this was... wait for it... my MM :-/ Who was just a friend way back when.

 

I therefore think your approach makes sense.

[hotpotato]

Yes, I am married but I've had the same experience. Men can't be just friends with me. And I'm not one of those women that are cool with being "friends" while knowing men are thinking sexual thoughts about me. I don't feel like it's a true friendship if he has an agenda.

 

Exactly. If I want the sexual tension, I'll date. Ime male friends don't offer anything different from a boyfriend or fwb.

[littleplanet]

Ah......the good old "men and women can't be friends unless unattracted to each other" club.

Fiddlesticks.

I've had female friends since I was 18. (The first girlfriend and I never quite figured out how to be friends....until much later in life.)

 

I would have missed out on a lot of powerful friendships in my life, if I'd adhered to such rules.

What makes a friendship? Liking.

What's to like about someone. (It often starts with their looks.)

Does this automatically degenerate down into secretly slavering over them, thinking unholy and unpure thoughts? Fiddlesticks again.

When I was 18, I was old enough to be too old enough for that (and I was not then nor ever afterward anything particularly special!)

 

I do happen to make friends with people who are decent, respectful - and more often than not....capable of being in control of themselves.

A little self-control can go an awful long way.

 

So in answer to the question, OP:

 

Is it wrong? Could be - if it's nothing but trouble for you, otherwise.

But remember this: You're taking 51% of humanity and shoving it all into one narrow category. That's a lot of baby to throw out with the bathwater!

[somedude81]

In my experiences, it's a bad idea to be friends with women I'm attracted to.

 

Most likely I'll develop feelings for her, she'd reject me, the friendship will fall apart and I'll get hurt.

[carhill]

Looking back, most of my platonic female friends were pretty attractive and always successful with men, or married. Perhaps its outlier to general male behavior to consider a woman attractive in general but have no clear romantic interest in them; in that regard, if true, it would be SOP for myself. I think each person should identify the style of living which is meaningful to them and then live it. If that means avoiding attractive women as friends, simply because a man knows he's wired to want more than a platonic friendship with such a woman, that's valid and healthy. TBH, I think that's very common and women respond positively to that, meaning a man with that perspective will generally enjoy more romantic relationships in his life. Sure, he might annoy some women with unwanted advances but that's part of life. It's a numbers game.