SpotyLove Posted May 16, 2014 Posted May 16, 2014 I had a really great first date, been a while since I met someone I was so sincerely interested in. Naturally, I don't want to screw this up. I ended the date stating we should hang out sometime soon since I was a bit flustered. Overall, the date was a smooth conversation. I'd really like to see her again but don't want to come off desperate. What is the the best approach? Is it too soon to contact her tomorrow? Should I text get to set up another date immediately?
Mrin Posted May 16, 2014 Posted May 16, 2014 Call her up, tell her what a great time you had, thank her for the company and ask to do it again. Come with some dates in mind and some ideas what to do. Give her a proposal not just of when but also what. So some people may disagree with this but when I am out on a good date, I make sure we plan our next date before the current one ends. Not in great detail but enough to pin down a day and a general idea of what time. "Hey let's do dinner next Friday and if we're up to it after, go see this band I know who is playing nearby". Neither party is sitting there waiting for the phone to chirp. 6
PegNosePete Posted May 16, 2014 Posted May 16, 2014 There's no need to overthink this kind of thing. Once you're out of high school and reasonably mature there's no such thing as stupid rules that some people believe in. Put it this way... - If she likes you and wants another date, do you think she'd be put off because you didn't follow the right post-date protocol, came off as too desperate, or whatever? No, if she wants another date then she'll accept your offer, however it's phrased (within reason of course LOL), or if she's busy the day you propose then she'll negotiate an alternative. - If she doesn't like you and doesn't want another date then it really doesn't matter what protocol you follow to ask for another date, she's going to say no or just not respond, regardless. So either way don't sweat it too much. Just follow your instincts of what feels right to you.
johnpatric Posted May 16, 2014 Posted May 16, 2014 You can say something like "I had a great time with you at the mall the other day, I'm really glad you were with me. and just ask her for second date.. this is the most simple way just don't try to make it complicated and just text her or call her and ask her for second date One final bit of advice- On the second date- bring a camera- she is bound to point out a favorite flower- Take her picture by it then you can give that to her as a gift later as a reminder of your second date. Plan ahead Mr. Romance, Sounds like you are on to something. Good luck..
Author SpotyLove Posted May 16, 2014 Author Posted May 16, 2014 You can say something like "I had a great time with you at the mall the other day, I'm really glad you were with me. and just ask her for second date.. this is the most simple way just don't try to make it complicated and just text her or call her and ask her for second date One final bit of advice- On the second date- bring a camera- she is bound to point out a favorite flower- Take her picture by it then you can give that to her as a gift later as a reminder of your second date. Plan ahead Mr. Romance, Sounds like you are on to something. Good luck.. Do you think it's irrelevant whether I make a call or text? It's hard to communicate by phone, especially with two busy professionals, and it's Friday.
soccerrprp Posted May 16, 2014 Posted May 16, 2014 Do you think it's irrelevant whether I make a call or text? It's hard to communicate by phone, especially with two busy professionals, and it's Friday. I always ask for a second date prior to the end of the first, in person. I would try giving her a call during a time you think she wouldn't be busy. During lunch or later that evening. Call, if she doesn't pick up, leave her a message asking her out, if she does, yay! Ask her.
Potz4prez Posted May 16, 2014 Posted May 16, 2014 I'll ask her out on a second date during the first if during conversation something fun comes up that we could do. Otherwise, I'll just wait till I think of something. Just call her. Stop worrying about looking desperate... you'll just shoot yourself in the foot. One call won't make you look desperate. Leave a message if she doesn't pick up.
Assasda Posted May 16, 2014 Posted May 16, 2014 Screw the pressure man. Treat it like youre gonna spend time with an old friend that you havent seen in a long time, and ask her as if she's an old friend
Author SpotyLove Posted May 17, 2014 Author Posted May 17, 2014 There's no need to overthink this kind of thing. Once you're out of high school and reasonably mature there's no such thing as stupid rules that some people believe in. Put it this way... - If she likes you and wants another date, do you think she'd be put off because you didn't follow the right post-date protocol, came off as too desperate, or whatever? No, if she wants another date then she'll accept your offer, however it's phrased (within reason of course LOL), or if she's busy the day you propose then she'll negotiate an alternative. - If she doesn't like you and doesn't want another date then it really doesn't matter what protocol you follow to ask for another date, she's going to say no or just not respond, regardless. So either way don't sweat it too much. Just follow your instincts of what feels right to you. I went ahead and sent a text stating I had a great time with a an appropriate date idea a few hours ago. No response, so I guess I was wrong:(
PogoStick Posted May 17, 2014 Posted May 17, 2014 You should secure the second date at the end of the first date, assuming it's going well. Which means you should already have thought of the second date. As you walk her to car..."There's a cool band coming next Friday, would you want to go?" Even if you have nothing specific: "Do you want to go out for dinner on Wednesday for xxx? You should know what she likes from your 1st date conversation. If you didn't do this the first date. Just call and ask. Sooner is better than later.
Author SpotyLove Posted May 17, 2014 Author Posted May 17, 2014 You should secure the second date at the end of the first date, assuming it's going well. Which means you should already have thought of the second date. As you walk her to car..."There's a cool band coming next Friday, would you want to go?" Even if you have nothing specific: "Do you want to go out for dinner on Wednesday for xxx? You should know what she likes from your 1st date conversation. If you didn't do this the first date. Just call and ask. Sooner is better than later. So, did I totally blow this? I can't help but be beating myself up over it. I know all things can be a learning experience. I mean. Is there actually a rule or set if rules to govern the highly variable in perspective first date? I mean for f**ks sake this just seems ridiculous. I think we have a good time and I ask for a second date the next day is perceived negatively? I don't serial text or call, how could that be miss perceived? What am I overlooking?
alwaysconfused2 Posted May 17, 2014 Posted May 17, 2014 From a girl's opinion, a text or call the next day asking for a second date is fine! It's nice if you make plans at the end of the first date (then we know for sure that you want a second one-otherwise we're wondering if you are into us or if you were just being polite). Texting or calling (depends on the girl which they prefer) the next day doesn't seem desperate-it shows that you are thinking about us. If I don't hear back from you within 2-3 days, then I start thinking you're not interested or you're playing games. If you texted her asking for a second date and there was no response either she is one of the girls who thinks it should be done over the phone (you should know how she feels about this based off of your communication before the first date though), or she's just not that into you (she wouldn't turn down a second date because you didn't ask at the end of the first if she was into you).
Keenly Posted May 17, 2014 Posted May 17, 2014 You could try " I'll let you out and untie you if you promise to come back on Sunday " Ha. How are your subtle hints? Use subtlety to gauge interest and go from there.
Author SpotyLove Posted May 17, 2014 Author Posted May 17, 2014 From a girl's opinion, a text or call the next day asking for a second date is fine! It's nice if you make plans at the end of the first date (then we know for sure that you want a second one-otherwise we're wondering if you are into us or if you were just being polite). Texting or calling (depends on the girl which they prefer) the next day doesn't seem desperate-it shows that you are thinking about us. If I don't hear back from you within 2-3 days, then I start thinking you're not interested or you're playing games. If you texted her asking for a second date and there was no response either she is one of the girls who thinks it should be done over the phone (you should know how she feels about this based off of your communication before the first date though), or she's just not that into you (she wouldn't turn down a second date because you didn't ask at the end of the first if she was into you). I actually went ahead and texted her early evening suggesting a date idea for a few days ahead. She never replied though. Last night, I asked two of my female friends. They both thought a call would be a bit much and a text was fine. However, they did think not waiting at least one day appeared too eager. I really don't know what to think now. Is this a lost cause?
Author SpotyLove Posted May 17, 2014 Author Posted May 17, 2014 From a girl's opinion, a text or call the next day asking for a second date is fine! It's nice if you make plans at the end of the first date (then we know for sure that you want a second one-otherwise we're wondering if you are into us or if you were just being polite). Texting or calling (depends on the girl which they prefer) the next day doesn't seem desperate-it shows that you are thinking about us. If I don't hear back from you within 2-3 days, then I start thinking you're not interested or you're playing games. If you texted her asking for a second date and there was no response either she is one of the girls who thinks it should be done over the phone (you should know how she feels about this based off of your communication before the first date though), or she's just not that into you (she wouldn't turn down a second date because you didn't ask at the end of the first if she was into you). How would I know if it needs to be done by phone? The first date was setup via text after some online messaging. I assumed it was cool. You think setting up the second date at the first one works? I've actually never tried it, since I figure they would agree no matter what and lead to a flake out if they aren't interested.
carhill Posted May 17, 2014 Posted May 17, 2014 Somehow I get this picture of my married friends having sex then retiring to their separate sides of the bed to post about it on Facebook or text each other in lieu of pillowtalk. That's how pervasive electronic interaction has become. IMO, the best way to 'ask for a second date' is to look her in the eyes, and be flustered if that's how you feel, and tell her you had a wonderful time, presuming you did, and suggest a specific plan to continue that wonderful time. Either you're on the same page or not. Human interpersonal relationships are a risk and never remain static. As things are, the default apparently is texting, so do that. Least risky of the options and you control the interaction since being flustered and stuttering isn't picked up on a keyboard, along with a myriad of other emotions denied to it. If that works for you, and her, then it does. At some point, though, 'stuff' will need to be addressed facing each other, directly. Hope you're up for it. Good luck!
angel.eyes Posted May 18, 2014 Posted May 18, 2014 How would I know if it needs to be done by phone? The first date was setup via text after some online messaging. I assumed it was cool. You think setting up the second date at the first one works? I've actually never tried it, since I figure they would agree no matter what and lead to a flake out if they aren't interested. I am clear about how I like to communicate when he says he'll contact me. Did she mention anything to you either on the date or in your pre-date messages? On the date, did you mention wanting to see her again? That's a comment that will typically prompt me to give you my preferred mode of communication. Just an observation...it sounds as if you essentially had no connection going into the date. Post-date, you're still in the same boat since you aren't even sure how to communicate with her. There are pros and cons...though mostly cons I think, to your approach. When I did OLD, I met guys pretty quickly when there was mutual interest, but we always had a few long phone calls before a first date. One exception was a guy I met on the same day that he first contacted me. Even then, we had a ninety-minute phone chat first. With respect to your original question, IME pretty much every guy asked for another date towards the end of the first date. They also followed up with a text that same night (and a phone call once I texted back). There is no right way of dating. Just understand that many guys are more direct and prompt in their follow up. Some like to gauge interest and keep the momentum going, if warranted. Everyone has their own style. Do what feels comfortable and authentic for you. Just be you. Women who enjoy your style of dating and are otherwise interested in you will stick around. Those who aren't won't. We can't get everyone to like us, so focus on those who like the real you.
Author SpotyLove Posted May 19, 2014 Author Posted May 19, 2014 I am clear about how I like to communicate when he says he'll contact me. Did she mention anything to you either on the date or in your pre-date messages? On the date, did you mention wanting to see her again? That's a comment that will typically prompt me to give you my preferred mode of communication. Just an observation...it sounds as if you essentially had no connection going into the date. Post-date, you're still in the same boat since you aren't even sure how to communicate with her. There are pros and cons...though mostly cons I think, to your approach. When I did OLD, I met guys pretty quickly when there was mutual interest, but we always had a few long phone calls before a first date. One exception was a guy I met on the same day that he first contacted me. Even then, we had a ninety-minute phone chat first. With respect to your original question, IME pretty much every guy asked for another date towards the end of the first date. They also followed up with a text that same night (and a phone call once I texted back). There is no right way of dating. Just understand that many guys are more direct and prompt in their follow up. Some like to gauge interest and keep the momentum going, if warranted. Everyone has their own style. Do what feels comfortable and authentic for you. Just be you. Women who enjoy your style of dating and are otherwise interested in you will stick around. Those who aren't won't. We can't get everyone to like us, so focus on those who like the real you. I set the initial date up through text. I will try to be more direct in the future as dating is kind of a social experiment. I did tell her I wanted to see her again at the end of the date. I also asked her if she made it home safely, which she replied quickly too, which is why I am confused as to why she no replied to my follow up date request. Should I let this one go or try texting her again?
angel.eyes Posted May 19, 2014 Posted May 19, 2014 Sorry, but dating isn't some science experiment. It's about building a (romantic) connection with someone you're getting to know. Perhaps your mindset is contributing to the problem? Call her in a few days if she doesn't reply to your text. Leave a message if she doesn't pick up. If nothing comes of the phone call, ballgame over.
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