colonelmustard Posted May 16, 2014 Posted May 16, 2014 Going to try and keep this short and sweet. How soon is too soon to bring up the idea of exclusivity? We met online, talked for a bit before we met for the first time a month ago. We've only had three dates in that month. She's invited me to spend the night next week, so I'm wondering if it's too soon to bring it up, or if it's a good time. Me, personally, I'm at a point where I don't want to test the waters with other women, and see where things go with her, but I don't know if she feels the same way. I guess I don't want to jump the gun.
Assasda Posted May 16, 2014 Posted May 16, 2014 She should be the one that make those decisions. Never have that "talk" Puts too much pressure on the lady Just go along with the flow 1
starrynightz45 Posted May 16, 2014 Posted May 16, 2014 I wholeheartedly disagree with the poster above, sorry. I do think right now, since it's only been 3 dates, it's too soon. However, I think if you give it a couple more dates, it should be find and you should bring it up. Women do NOT like to be the one to bring up the "talk" because men generally are more hesitant to commit and we don't want to scare them off. Go with the flow for now, then bring it up in a few more dates.
Andy_K Posted May 16, 2014 Posted May 16, 2014 Just casually mention that you're not seeing anyone else. See if she responds positively or volunteers that she is in the same position. Take it from there. You don't need to make a big 'thing' out of this. 4
WeirdChick Posted May 16, 2014 Posted May 16, 2014 I think most women like when the guy comes forward and talk about committment. She seems to like you a lot, since she invited you to stay with her. Just casually tell her your thoughts and see how she responds. 1
mammasita Posted May 16, 2014 Posted May 16, 2014 Being exclusive doesn't mean you're "in a relationship". A couple dates in with my BF, he was the one that said "hey, just so you know....I don't believe in seeing more than one person at a time" - I.e. Exclusive. I agreed with him, and that was all I needed to hear to know we weren't seeing others. We didn't commit to being in a relationship until 2 months after that. 1
PegNosePete Posted May 16, 2014 Posted May 16, 2014 Labels labels labels... sigh why do people make it so complicated for themselves. Personally when staying over/sex is on the table I would assume exclusivity. If I found out she had slept with me and then gone on a date or slept with another guy, I would not want to see her again. Now some people might start telling me I should have defined the relationship and don't assume anything blah blah - whatever - the fact is that my unwavering opinion is, if you sleep with someone, then you should not be seeing others, and anyone who does not share this philosophy is not someone I would want to date. So defining the relationship and having all these talks, or bring up the technicalities that it's not cheating, and putting labels all over the place, is just a waste of time. 4
Lernaean_Hydra Posted May 16, 2014 Posted May 16, 2014 Exclusivity =/= long term relationship status, so if I were you, I'd mention this sooner rather that later. While confirming "exclusivity" is a generally prerequisite to being "in a relationship", the two aren't mutually exclusive. I consider myself pretty straightforward but having "the talk" is something I still shy away from. I know all men aren't like this, but in my experience, men are much more inclined to keep things casual for as long as possible, so my mantra is, date around and assume he's doing the same until he says otherwise. Eggs, basket, etc, etc. That being the case, I don't and I won't stop seeing other people unless and until he asks me to do so, or confirms he isn't either. I'm sure not everyone is like this but if you'd really like to get serious about this girl, I think at least making it clear you aren't seeing anyone else nor have the desire to is a great first step to something more. If a guy I was seeing were to come to me with talk of exclusivity, I'd definitely drop the others, if only out of respect.
soccerrprp Posted May 16, 2014 Posted May 16, 2014 (edited) There's nothing complicated about labels. People need to know where they stand, both in practice, action and words. The complication comes with how people behave. Definitely have the exclusivity talk. Don't assume anything. As we know, as great as actions are, sometimes even they can be deceptive as people can be shady about not putting a label on "it." For some people, not giving it a label gives them plausible deniability...happens much more often than you think. Everyone is different. Some will ask for exclusivity on date one. Not ridiculous if you think about it. They don't want to kiss or become intimate with someone who is sharing his/her spit with someone else. Others wait until there is genuine attraction, potential before asking. I've been asked after the first and 2-3 or more. Edited May 16, 2014 by soccerrprp 1
deathandtaxes Posted May 16, 2014 Posted May 16, 2014 How would you feel if she invited another guy to stay over with her? That's your answer.
jaycee1 Posted May 16, 2014 Posted May 16, 2014 I agree with peg, too much is put on labels. I haven't had a "talk" per se with guy i'm dating. When sex was on the table and the birth control issue came up he said when I have sex with someone that is the only person I am with and asked how I felt on that issue. I agreed and said I was the same way. We don't refer to each other as bf/gf or any of that but we are both secure in knowing our time "right now" is focused on getting to know each other. it is a little less intimidating than jumping in and labeling a relationship so early on. 1
Recommended Posts