me85 Posted May 23, 2014 Posted May 23, 2014 I went out on dates before I was over my ex. In fact, that helps me get over past RSs the quickest.
VanillaLife Posted May 28, 2014 Posted May 28, 2014 I am now in the process of separating from my wife of 14 years, as detailed in a lengthy thread in the separation & divorce forum. In my circumstances, I am open to start dating immediately. It does not mean I am necessarily looking to jump into the next long term relationship, but I am ready to bring romance back into my life. The reality is there has been no romance in my life for many years now and so the fact that I am "only just" broken up is not that relevant. I feel like I have been single for years, and only now have the shackles that have prevented me acting that way been released. Frankly, I am looking forward to getting back into the dating game! I feel like I still have my prime years ahead of me
Phoe Posted May 28, 2014 Posted May 28, 2014 6 months between the first 2 boyfriends, then 6 YEARS between 2nd and 3rd and then about 7 months between 3rd and current boyfriend.
somedude81 Posted May 28, 2014 Posted May 28, 2014 (edited) I've been single for about six months, and I feel that I really need to be dating again. One thing I'm curious about is how long in general women need to be single for before they start dating. When I met my ex, she had been in a relationship with her BF for three years. She was single for about three weeks before we went on our first date. Now I realize that it was simply not enough time for her to be single before she started dating me. Now I'm wondering if I meet a woman who just got out of a relationship, how long should I wait before we start going out on dates. Frankly the last thing I'd want to happen is that she starts going out with another guy while I was waiting around. I strongly suspect that if I had waited longer with my ex to start dating her, I would have missed my chance and we never would have gotten together. Edited May 28, 2014 by somedude81
bulldogz Posted May 28, 2014 Posted May 28, 2014 I joined dating sites within two days. A date a few weeks later, just to do it. Was premature.
SadNLonley Posted May 28, 2014 Posted May 28, 2014 Mine, has been amazing since 44, the best 3+ years of my life! I've made new friends, gotten closer to existing friend, filtered out those friend who were not really my friends, got a cat, joined MeetUps and I am doing new things like hiking, biking, camping, going to the gym more, going to more concerts, etc. Like is very good for me right now and it will be for you, too! This is what I like to see. Im 43 and thinking i'll be alone forever! I met my exbf during the split of my husband. We broke up 11 months ago. I went on 2 dates 5 months after and it was horrible. Havent been on one since. I have opened up to it at this point and put out an online profile to see what happens. I finally feel like I could date without the thought making me sick to my stomach.
beembm Posted May 29, 2014 Posted May 29, 2014 It's been 4 months for me after a 5 year relationship and while I feel like I really need to have sex (we hadn't for months before the break) and while I miss the idea of cuddling and other romantic gestures, I'm not remotely ready for dating or anything leading up to emotional intimacy and I really can't see a point in the near future when I will be ready for that again. But our breakup was/is tumultuous and I caused it and still don't undersfand how it all happened so I'm gunshy now and will be for a long time I'm sure. Love is too risky
erklat Posted May 29, 2014 Posted May 29, 2014 Took me about 7 months but now is 9 and maybe I'm now ready for emotional intimacy too. 1
Gottabestrong Posted May 29, 2014 Posted May 29, 2014 For me it depends on how devastated I am after a breakup. If I am not that heartbroken, or maybe even feeling relieved that it is over, I usually get on a dating website within a week and have a date about a week after that. I do that for a few weeks, just to remind myself that there are other interesting people out there. Then I usually take a break for a month or two to give myself time to fully get over the last relationship before I start dating again. If I am devastated by a breakup it can take up to a year until I am ready to get out there again. With one ex, it nearly took me a year just to stop thinking about him on a daily basis and crying about the breakup every few weeks. I was in no shape to be dating anybody. I believe the first time I went out with someone else was 2 years after that. And it was terrible.
Babolat Posted June 9, 2014 Posted June 9, 2014 I've been single for about six months, and I feel that I really need to be dating again. One thing I'm curious about is how long in general women need to be single for before they start dating. When I met my ex, she had been in a relationship with her BF for three years. She was single for about three weeks before we went on our first date. Now I realize that it was simply not enough time for her to be single before she started dating me. Now I'm wondering if I meet a woman who just got out of a relationship, how long should I wait before we start going out on dates. Frankly the last thing I'd want to happen is that she starts going out with another guy while I was waiting around. I strongly suspect that if I had waited longer with my ex to start dating her, I would have missed my chance and we never would have gotten together. Great question. IMHO their is no set time, or timeline. We all heal differently. In you gfs case that was definitely not enough time though. I ask questions now to get a feel for where they are in their life. I don't ask "when was your last relationship" or "when did it end". If they volunteer, I listen. Ones that jump from relationship to relationship to relationship with no time to heal, well, they will be fun to date, have sex with, but emotionally they are not ready. I dunno, I guess I've learned a lot about myself over the past 3 /1/2 years where I can see pretty quick where a woman is. I am trying OLD again. The first woman I met a week or so ago, within 5 minutes, I could tell she was not ready to date. Practice listening, they will "tell you" where they are and who they are within 10-15 minutes or a date or two. Good luck, I think you are ready to date.
orangetree Posted June 9, 2014 Posted June 9, 2014 2 weeks post break up, I don't feel like dating yet and I think I won't for a long time. Maybe I'm going to force myself though in case I meet someone interesting. The worst is that women seem to grieve forever while men just jump right back in the game. Most men I know started dating somebody else just days or weeks after breaking up with someone, like if they didn't give a **** at all.
seminoles84 Posted June 9, 2014 Posted June 9, 2014 The worst is that women seem to grieve forever while men just jump right back in the game. Most men I know started dating somebody else just days or weeks after breaking up with someone, like if they didn't give a **** at all. Uh. Let's not sterotype. I'm pretty sure it's based on who the dumper and dumpee is. My ex has already started dating after a couple weeks like it was easy for her and I have yet to even consider it and it's been a month.
anemptycup Posted June 9, 2014 Posted June 9, 2014 I used to jump right back into dating. I learned to quit doing that. There is no reason to ALWAYS be dating. A lot of personal growth happens when you're single. In many cases, I have to mentally repair from whatever self-esteem damage or world view skewing the guy may have influenced upon me. If I had to pick a number, I think I'm best at 6 months at LEAST before I'm completely reliant upon myself for my own happiness. Preferably a year. What @JustC said i think is the smartest thing i've read - being single is an amazing opportunity to learn to be completely reliant upon yourself for happiness - in other words SELF LOVE - which is where true love comes from - not the needy addicting love that causes so much pain because we need someone else to make us feel happy... that's why most relationships fail! 1
Kid_Charlemange Posted June 13, 2014 Posted June 13, 2014 I've had three long-term relationships. First one, (together for 20 years, married for 12), I waited about two years before I really dove in again. Second one (together for seven years, married for less than two before she passed away from cancer), I didn't wait long enough Started seeing a friend on a romantic level about seven months later. Definitely should have waited longer. Even though we took it slow, I now realized I interrupted my "grief process" and that caused problems when the next one ended (read on). Third one (together for almost exactly two years), ended very suddenly when I found out she had been cheating on me. Was pretty shattered, ego was pretty bruised, so I kind of "dove in" right away, not really looking for romance but companionship. In fact it's now been half a year and I'm still not quite sure I'm ready for something long-term, but I've dated a few women "casually," whom I've met on either OKCupid or Match. There's no right answer. Fact is, I will never be over my last ex, I don't think. Not completely. I still see her around town all the time, and each time my heart jumps in my chest. But each month it gets a little easier. About a dozen of my friends predicted that she'd try to get back with me, and I wasted healing time and money buying "How to get your ex back" books. She never did, of course, in fact she can't stand me. But each month it gets a little easier, and seeing her with a new guy each time hurts a little less. I'm not going to wait forever, and the women I've been seeing know I'm kind of "damaged goods," so nobody gets hurt. And I've really enjoyed my time with each of them; I'm broadening my horizons and while one of them didn't work out romantically, we've become pretty good friends. Good luck!
Kid_Charlemange Posted June 13, 2014 Posted June 13, 2014 Similar situation in my case. My ex is ridiculously attractive, but has some serious issues when it comes to relationships. So she's been picking up guys for one night stands pretty regularly, or so I'm told. I guess if that's what makes her happy, more power to her.
HeartinPain Posted June 13, 2014 Posted June 13, 2014 I went on my first date with a friend who had been interested in me for a few years after the end of my 15 year relationship 2-3 months post BU and it was waaayy too soon. It made me miss my ex more and I did not give the guy the proper chance he probably deserved. I took a step back, grieved and focused on myself for several months after. 9 months post BU, I met a friend of a friend at a party who asked me out. We went on two dates and ultimately I felt it wasn't going to work. I knew I was ready to date because I was not devastated we weren't a match and I felt nothing when my date asked about my past relationship.
Mondmellonw Posted June 13, 2014 Posted June 13, 2014 For me it took 7 months. The relationship lasted almost 7 months also. Do I feel in love again (with the person I'm dating)? No... And since I don't like casual stuff I won't date him anymore. He is way too good to be with someone who feels dead for love. Good thing is: we agreed on being more on friendly terms since we started talking to each other. He is definitely someone I would like to get to know some more. I guess I want to learn. When I met my ex I fell for him very quickly.. But he wasn't honest. I want to be with someone who's honest, and since my last relationship, I am convinced that finding real honesty will take some time.
orangetree Posted June 13, 2014 Posted June 13, 2014 I had my first post BU date yesterday- Just 2.5 weeks after my ex broke up with me. Probably many people will say things like 'So you didn't really love your ex' or 'you don't miss him but this couldn't be more untrue. I miss him like hell and I still love him way too much. But I wanted to see if a date actually helps me to feel better- And yes, it does. It was a really nice evening and I didn't think of my ex for a few hours (for the first time since the break up!), I laughed a it was nice to feel appreciated (well, if you can say that). Still, hooking up is off the table for me. I would feel terrible, I couldn't do it. I think that will take a couple of months at least.
Musing Posted June 13, 2014 Posted June 13, 2014 I met my now boyfriend 3 months after my ex and I broke up (the one that brought me here) We only dated a year. And I talked to him (after 2.5 months no contact) prior to dating my boyfriend. Felt nothing, except that I was ready to let go. The first few weeks (as documented here) were hell and I grieved. You get use to a person. And I imagine the longer you're with someone, the harder it is to move on. I had realized I was not happy in that relationship anyway and was leaving the school that we cultivated the relationship at...so I felt like it was a chapter closing. The grieving process was all a part of it. I started officially dating again around 4 months later. I couldn't be happier because I am with someone that fits my wants and needs more. My mind can't even fathom why I was upset. It is strange what the human mind goes through when grieving but it is defiantly a necessary process and happens at different paces for everyone.
gj13 Posted June 13, 2014 Posted June 13, 2014 Im going out for the first time since my break up. Broke up 5 months ago and kept seeing each other until 3 weeks ago. Had the so callef closure talk 10 days ago. Im def not ready for a relationship yet but i want to force myself out to start moving on. Its the first time ive handled it like this.
sugarlove Posted June 14, 2014 Posted June 14, 2014 Broke up over 2 months ago but I tried to resuscitate the relationship to no avail as he still decided not to talk to me. After a while, i realised that he is never going to return back to me and if anything, decided to surround myself with friends who continually reminded me that I need a man that is stronger than who I used to date etc etc. It took me a while to accept that I made a wrong choice and gave my love to the wrong guy. I started dating 3 weeks ago and this new guy is more to me a buffer to get over my obsession with my ex. I want to learn from my own mistakes and not rush into falling in love again. He is incredibly sweet, a wonderful listener and it helps that he is really handsome so to me, there is hope. A good distraction even if this might be a short rebound type of romance. THe only thing I learn is certain is the now and the future can't be controlled.
Elle1975 Posted June 14, 2014 Posted June 14, 2014 Two months after the facts, I want to date someone else. I still miss the ex, the habits we had formed, etc.. but it's over, and I have accepted it. It's so hard to date though. I have no clue where to begin. 1
FortunateSon Posted June 14, 2014 Posted June 14, 2014 Casual dating hasn't been a problem, I started a month after I broke up and have dated a lot of women since. It is now just over a year, and I haven't been able to keep my interest for more than a month or two for any of these women. It is a bit confusing to me, I am not sure if I am not ready for another relationship or if I just haven't met the right woman yet?
Elle1975 Posted June 14, 2014 Posted June 14, 2014 Casual dating hasn't been a problem, I started a month after I broke up and have dated a lot of women since. It is now just over a year, and I haven't been able to keep my interest for more than a month or two for any of these women. It is a bit confusing to me, I am not sure if I am not ready for another relationship or if I just haven't met the right woman yet? Well... I think only you have the answers to that. May I ask, how do you meet so many women?
sugarlove Posted June 14, 2014 Posted June 14, 2014 Two months after the facts, I want to date someone else. I still miss the ex, the habits we had formed, etc.. but it's over, and I have accepted it. It's so hard to date though. I have no clue where to begin. I too don't know how to start dating. A part of me can't help but compare with this new guy with my ex. When I met my ex, we were both ready to get into a relationship so perhaps timing helps. We rushed into things abit too fast in hindsight. I'm still fresh from my breakup. And hesitant to get hurt again. Still, it might be a good thing, less haste and just taking things slow. I'm trying to be fair and give things a chance. I'm not 100% ready, I feel it's hard to open myself up as the breakup is still fresh, it'll never be like the ease I felt with my ex. I just got to accept that. But I'm committed to move on and find new happiness and not pine over someone who doesn't value me.
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