jbelle6 Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 I'm just curious, how long did you or will you wait? I'm not even talking about a relationship or exclusive dating, just someone asks you out to dinner, would you go? If you are dating and over your exes, how long did it take you to feel comfortable dating?
Michelle ma Belle Posted May 16, 2014 Posted May 16, 2014 I was with my ex husband for 20 years. It took me a good year before I felt even remotely ready to think about dating again. It was important to me to take that time for both myself and for my children. I wouldn't have done it any differently. 1
DontBreakEven Posted May 16, 2014 Posted May 16, 2014 5 months both times my engagements ended. Though I did spend those 5 months grieving heavily. No avoidance of my feelings or alcoholic hazed nights or anything like that. Each time suddenly I woke up one day and was over it. But I don't think anyone should give themselves a time limit. If it feels right, then you are ready. If the thought of it makes you want to , then you are not. 4
BC1980 Posted May 16, 2014 Posted May 16, 2014 After a 3 year relationship, I went on a date 9 months later. I basically made myself go to test the waters. It didn't develop anything, but it did sort of break the ice for me. I'm open to dating right now, but I don't think of anything serious. I'm really more focused on rebuilding my life than finding someone at the moment. 5
Salvatore85 Posted May 16, 2014 Posted May 16, 2014 I'm almost at a year and a half after a 5-year relationship and I still haven't really considered dating. 4
JustC Posted May 16, 2014 Posted May 16, 2014 I used to jump right back into dating. I learned to quit doing that. There is no reason to ALWAYS be dating. A lot of personal growth happens when you're single. In many cases, I have to mentally repair from whatever self-esteem damage or world view skewing the guy may have influenced upon me. If I had to pick a number, I think I'm best at 6 months at LEAST before I'm completely reliant upon myself for my own happiness. Preferably a year. 3
johnpatric Posted May 16, 2014 Posted May 16, 2014 Well honestly its depends on you.. if you and your partner is comfortable with each other on your first date the you can arrange the second date after a week so its all depends on you..
Nimbus4dt Posted May 16, 2014 Posted May 16, 2014 I think going our for supper is fine if you are able to, I do it, even after a short period, find it helps, opens another aspect to think about. It's fine if you don't fancy/get on with them and you know you won't see them again. Problems arise when you do fancy them (I tend to avoid going out with them) Not sure re relationship as it depends on the last relationship, I am not sure how long it'll take to get over what I've been through, suspect 6-12 months.
hudson701 Posted May 16, 2014 Posted May 16, 2014 A good thread I'll be watching with interest. 3 months out from breakup, 1 month NC and I've tried tinder dating a bit. Absolutely horrible, I'm nowhere near ready as I'm broken right now. I need to get happy on my own before making anyone else happy. Probably after summer, say 6 months. What do you reckon? Does proper healing only start after strict NC?
Omei Posted May 16, 2014 Posted May 16, 2014 I'm almost at a year and a half after a 5-year relationship and I still haven't really considered dating. Im exactly the same, tried didnt care. 1
SomeHeart Posted May 16, 2014 Posted May 16, 2014 When I split up with my last girlfriend , I started dating again within 4 months. It didnt mean that I was completely over her though , it was just something I did to soothe my battered ego after the breakup. After about 8 months I felt ready to date and actively seek another relationship. 1
Nimbus4dt Posted May 16, 2014 Posted May 16, 2014 My ex on the other hand was on a dating site less than 24hrs after dumping me and as far as i know on Tinder in the latter stages. But I suspect she was further down the line and didn't have her heart broken and had mentally prepared for it. I suspect she'll be with someone already, maybe not a full on relationship, so she'll just take the baggage with her. It makes me sad to think that but as long as she's happy!!! 1
Elle1975 Posted May 16, 2014 Posted May 16, 2014 My ex on the other hand was on a dating site less than 24hrs after dumping me and as far as i know on Tinder in the latter stages. But I suspect she was further down the line and didn't have her heart broken and had mentally prepared for it. I suspect she'll be with someone already, maybe not a full on relationship, so she'll just take the baggage with her. It makes me sad to think that but as long as she's happy!!! I took a membership on a dating site within a week. I was distressed. I wanted to get my head out of the water at any cost. Of course it was a terrible idea, and I don't want to meet anybody. I think it will take me about 6 months. However, I know if I met the right man, I'd be open to it. I am not looking though. This membership was a total waste of money haha Well, at least I still get to laugh about it.
Nimbus4dt Posted May 16, 2014 Posted May 16, 2014 I took a membership on a dating site within a week. I was distressed. I wanted to get my head out of the water at any cost. Of course it was a terrible idea, and I don't want to meet anybody. I think it will take me about 6 months. However, I know if I met the right man, I'd be open to it. I am not looking though. This membership was a total waste of money haha Well, at least I still get to laugh about it. Yes, I have done this once before but I was the dumper and whilst the attention it generates is flattering and takes your mind off things, like you say, a waste of money!!!! But if it helps her then fine after all I am nothing to do with her now, she can do as she pleases!
mangetout Posted May 16, 2014 Posted May 16, 2014 I joined POF within a month of my BU. I went on two dates within three weeks and explained that I was only looking for male company to have dinner with. It did me a world of good. I felt so shattered when I was dumped and these two men made me feel attractive again. They knew the score and were fine with the arrangement. I didn't date after that. But going on a date tonight ( seven months later). Am I ready? I am not sure. But I will find out later.....
central Posted May 16, 2014 Posted May 16, 2014 After a 24 year marriage, about 3 weeks. The relationship had been falling apart and was essentially over for years before that, though, so moving on was very easy. Otherwise, it probably would have taken several months to maybe even a year to pull myself together again.
Nimbus4dt Posted May 16, 2014 Posted May 16, 2014 Good luck, I hope you have fun and plenty of laughs!!!
stillfiguringitallou Posted May 16, 2014 Posted May 16, 2014 Honestly? It's been 2 weeks since we last spoke. I went out on my first date a week ago. While he is the one who ended the relationship - I ended the "friendship" by refusing it Of course we had been down this road a few times before - and it was a "straw that broke the camels back" situation. I was really very very hurt when we first split - REALLY - and thats when I met my new friend - and for the first time - I didn't even want to talk about him - just everything else I do in my life. That set some deep thinking in motion - some dissecting of the relationship itself - One thing that REALLY helped during this time is sitting down and writing out the timeline and milestones of our relationship. I find anytime I start to falter on the NC I go back and read through them - and what I mean by milestones and timelines is "anything and everything craptastic he ever did or said that has such an impact I still remember it clearly. Am I ready for another relationship? HELL no - and my friend would not disagree I'm sure. I still struggle with a lot of insecurity from the damage he did to my self esteem and even some moodiness occasionally - luckily I fight really hard to NOT put that off on him as he knows very little about the relationship - and shouldn't be punished because my ex is a sociopathic douche. However - on the occasion that I slip - on the occasion that I start that comparison in my head and I'm all "you know - blah blah blah" I always catch myself and say "**** my friend - ya know - I'm just having a really hard day of it - can we just talk another time - I'm really sorry." and he's always very nice about it. I think it's a little different for me. My REASON for going NC is because I was finally DONE. I know he isn't healthy for me - I know his ego will just cause him to continue hurting me anytime I try to move forward in life and a new relationship - and I was ready to do that.
Summerrose2013 Posted May 21, 2014 Posted May 21, 2014 I joined POF within a month of my BU. I went on two dates within three weeks and explained that I was only looking for male company to have dinner with. It did me a world of good. I felt so shattered when I was dumped and these two men made me feel attractive again. They knew the score and were fine with the arrangement. I didn't date after that. But going on a date tonight ( seven months later). Am I ready? I am not sure. But I will find out later..... Snap, I did almost exactly the same! But I realised that even though they said they wanted friendship they really wanted more. BUT it pulled me out of the hole I was in - 'I'll never meet anyone, I'll be on my own for ever, I'm in my 40s and on the dating scrapheap'. Now I'm joining singles and activity groups rather than dating, seems a bit less pressured, because I really suck at rejecting people because i know how awful it is to be on the receiving end. Also, done some gym classes where I have met some lovely girls and boys as friends. The healing is finally beginning. I have to say, and I know others on here will say 'told you so' but the true healing really only started when we went properly NC. Until that point you are constantly on edge waiting to hear from your ex and then micro analysing their every word. I actually told my ex I had been dating and a few other things he wouldnt like and he is currently NC on me - it's the best I've felt for ages, weird as that sounds. I wasn't strong enough to go NC but he will be (mainly because he doesn't give a crap about me, I'm sure.) Every self help book I am reading has one common theme - get yourself your OWN life so that when you find someone, he will respect your time more, and if it does go tits up you have your own life and friends to fall back on - BIG learning curve for me - I definitely stagnate in a RS and develop more outside of them (well, the wrong ones at least.) 1
Babolat Posted May 23, 2014 Posted May 23, 2014 I'm just curious, how long did you or will you wait? I'm not even talking about a relationship or exclusive dating, just someone asks you out to dinner, would you go? If you are dating and over your exes, how long did it take you to feel comfortable dating? I was with my ex wife 13+ years total (dating and marriage). I started dating 4 months after I moved out. Was it too soon? Probably. I think different folks heal at different rates. In my case I realized I had emotionally disconnected long before the break up. I hate to say this, but what I realize now is I was craving affection and intimacy, and yes, sex, which is what I found/got from the first woman I dated. Last girl I dated was for 12 months, then 8 months off, where she would come back for sex every 2 weeks or so. I finally asked for NC and in about 2 months I felt ready again. I do not see any harm in dating, just be honest with yourself and the other person on "where you are" and you don't have to rush into anything. Just enjoy yourself.
Babolat Posted May 23, 2014 Posted May 23, 2014 Snap, I did almost exactly the same! But I realised that even though they said they wanted friendship they really wanted more. BUT it pulled me out of the hole I was in - 'I'll never meet anyone, I'll be on my own for ever, I'm in my 40s and on the dating scrapheap'. Now I'm joining singles and activity groups rather than dating, seems a bit less pressured, because I really suck at rejecting people because i know how awful it is to be on the receiving end. Also, done some gym classes where I have met some lovely girls and boys as friends. The healing is finally beginning. I have to say, and I know others on here will say 'told you so' but the true healing really only started when we went properly NC. Until that point you are constantly on edge waiting to hear from your ex and then micro analysing their every word. I actually told my ex I had been dating and a few other things he wouldnt like and he is currently NC on me - it's the best I've felt for ages, weird as that sounds. I wasn't strong enough to go NC but he will be (mainly because he doesn't give a crap about me, I'm sure.) Every self help book I am reading has one common theme - get yourself your OWN life so that when you find someone, he will respect your time more, and if it does go tits up you have your own life and friends to fall back on - BIG learning curve for me - I definitely stagnate in a RS and develop more outside of them (well, the wrong ones at least.) I was 44 when I moved out, ended my marriage. I thought my life was over at 44. Mine, has been amazing since 44, the best 3+ years of my life! I've made new friends, gotten closer to existing friend, filtered out those friend who were not really my friends, got a cat, joined MeetUps and I am doing new things like hiking, biking, camping, going to the gym more, going to more concerts, etc. Like is very good for me right now and it will be for you, too! 1
elseaacych Posted May 23, 2014 Posted May 23, 2014 Well, my ex ended our relationship in December. I got asked out on a date in mid January. I played with those stupid dating apps, Tinder... OkCupid... had some dates from those. I've gone on dates with about five different guys, and none of them have turned my crank, so to say. I consciously decided to take a dating break during the month of April, up until the end of last week. I had other stuff to deal with. If I'm asked out on a date, I will go.
Raena Posted May 23, 2014 Posted May 23, 2014 It's been 7 months and I'm not even close to thinking about dating just yet. Personally, I'm enjoying being single. It's much more peaceful this way. 2
Elle1975 Posted May 23, 2014 Posted May 23, 2014 I'd like to date.. just emotionally still tied up. Not sure iff it makes sense, but that's where I'm at.
TheyCallMeOx Posted May 23, 2014 Posted May 23, 2014 It took me about five months to get back into the dating scene after a 2 and 1/2 year relationship. However, I tried really f****** hard to get over my ex. Read all kinds of books, watched online web seminars, talked to older strangers, etc. I can date just fine, but am I able to feel those butterflies and vulnerability again like I did with my "first love?" I have no clue. But I don't have a problem dating. 3
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