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Reflections after six months.

forever_lost

By forever_lost
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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forever_lost Member

forever_lost

Posted
Posted

The six month mark is coming up. It's felt like both the shortest and longest time of my life. I've developed as a person, but I've failed in pursuits of other relationships and making any progress in getting over her. I still have hope that we are going to work out, and I both want to and don't want to be friends with her if we can't. She broke up with me, but I think I am still in a relationship with the memory of her. Will I ever be able to leave that relationship?

 

At the end of our relationship, I think she still loved me. She said she needed time and space for herself, and while I understand that translates to wanting to date other people, I don't think she ever rebounded in any way more significant than a couple first dates. However, we haven't spoken in three months, when I asked her to no longer contact me unless it was important after said she didn't want to be friends - just wanted to keep in touch. My birthday, apparently, doesn't fall into the category of "important". Even if she still loved me, I think she doesn't anymore. I don't understand how to fall out of love with someone. I can't seem to do it with the two people I've ever truly loved.

 

It's been difficult in a new city, where I have no real friends. I no longer have anyone in my life that I can rely on in crises, and that has made me stronger. But I still miss her like hell, and all I wish I could do at the end of the day is tell her all about it. I wish I could share in her accomplishments like we used to, and tell her about my own. I wish I could support her endeavors, which I still feel invested in. Does she think of me? Does she ever cry that she had to end it? Was I as special as I thought I was to her? Do my affections, my investments, my love still mean anything to her? Did they ever?

 

She said when we broke up that I didn't do anything wrong - it was just something she needed to do. She wanted to be single and free of commitment, and I think she meant it. She called me and then said we needed to stop talking because she was afraid she would fall in love with me again. I followed up with two months of begging, pleading, and attempted convincing. She grew resentful. Her once warm messages turned cold, and her tone struck at me with icy stabs I'd known only once before.

 

People still say I'm going to meet someone else. I'm just not sure if I want to. I've gone on a couple of dates and felt like I was insulting my date because I couldn't help but compare them to my ex. I'm imagining the men my ex is seeing, jealous that they have the opportunity to make her smile, and I can't. I often regret moving away, but feel like her breaking up with me was inevitable. I don't want to fill her void, her role in my life - I think I just want her. I viewed her not just as a partner, a girlfriend, a best friend - I viewed her as her. I didn't lose a position. I lost her...an individual.

 

I no longer care about what happens now only because I recognize that I can't do anything about it. But I still want her back, because I feel like I can love her in a way that better suits her preferences now. I feel like I've learned so much in this break up (my first real one), and now I want to have another shot. But at the same time, I've grown a pair and don't want her back unless she initiates it. It's a very confusing feeling.

 

Six months ago, I was angry, lonely, confused, betrayed, and sad. Today, I'm angry, lonely, confused, betrayed, and sad - just in different ways. I might have to see her again soon, and while I'm frightened as hell in some ways, I'm also curious as to how we both respond to the meeting (or lack thereof). I don't know who I am to her anymore, but to me, I think she is still my love. And I'm afraid that that will never change.

 

Anyways...six months. Woot. Sorry for the ramble. Hope you guys are doing better.

  • Like 9
FredJones80 Established Member

FredJones80

Posted
Posted

Damn forever_lost, move me to tears why don't you :(

 

Guess I'm relating your situation to mine.

 

I don't even have words to respond to these kinds of things any more. What do you say to someone whose pain you understand when no one can say anything to me to make me feel better?

 

There are just no words for this...

 

no words...

  • Like 3
headinthecloud Established Member

headinthecloud

Posted
Posted

Hey OP, I've been there. Some days I still have "flashbacks" of the pangs of my love for him because it was real, it was genuine, it was authentic. I remember, shortly after we met I stayed at his house and while we lay together in each other's arms, an overwhelming feeling of unconditional love washed over me. I thought to myself, "this can be a great love." That had never happened to me before. I just knew he was "the one". As it turns out, he was far from it. And the loss of the RS made me question my judgement. "How could I have been so wrong about someone?"

 

The reality is facing the hard fact that some people come into our lives for a reason. And sometimes they leave us too. It's like the tides of the ocean. The ebb and flow of life. And what I've learned is that "happiness is a choice." So sometimes you just have to cut the sandbag off the balloon and let your soul free. It's not easy. But everyday, every moment, you must choose you and your happiness. She may have been a source of light for you, but right now the memory of her is eclipsing your happiness. Forgive yourself. You did nothing to deserve this. The pain your feeling is your soul growing. I don't know you, but believe me when I tell you that I love you and that you're not alone. Love yourself first and forever.

  • Like 4
Hoosfoos Established Member

Hoosfoos

Posted
Posted

This post also moved me to tears. Im almost exactly six months out after being dumped by someone during what I consider the most vulnerable time of my life. The pain is still immense and memories haunt me every day, all day. I lost so much when it ended, and all there is, is a massive void where she used to be. We shared so much, I cant believe she was thinking the whole time of leaving me.

 

Unrequited love. I dont think there is anything more emotionally devastating in life.

  • Like 2
jbelle6 Established Member

jbelle6

Posted
Posted
The six month mark is coming up. It's felt like both the shortest and longest time of my life. I've developed as a person, but I've failed in pursuits of other relationships and making any progress in getting over her. I still have hope that we are going to work out, and I both want to and don't want to be friends with her if we can't. She broke up with me, but I think I am still in a relationship with the memory of her. Will I ever be able to leave that relationship?

 

At the end of our relationship, I think she still loved me. She said she needed time and space for herself, and while I understand that translates to wanting to date other people, I don't think she ever rebounded in any way more significant than a couple first dates. However, we haven't spoken in three months, when I asked her to no longer contact me unless it was important after said she didn't want to be friends - just wanted to keep in touch. My birthday, apparently, doesn't fall into the category of "important". Even if she still loved me, I think she doesn't anymore. I don't understand how to fall out of love with someone. I can't seem to do it with the two people I've ever truly loved.

 

It's been difficult in a new city, where I have no real friends. I no longer have anyone in my life that I can rely on in crises, and that has made me stronger. But I still miss her like hell, and all I wish I could do at the end of the day is tell her all about it. I wish I could share in her accomplishments like we used to, and tell her about my own. I wish I could support her endeavors, which I still feel invested in. Does she think of me? Does she ever cry that she had to end it? Was I as special as I thought I was to her? Do my affections, my investments, my love still mean anything to her? Did they ever?

 

She said when we broke up that I didn't do anything wrong - it was just something she needed to do. She wanted to be single and free of commitment, and I think she meant it. She called me and then said we needed to stop talking because she was afraid she would fall in love with me again. I followed up with two months of begging, pleading, and attempted convincing. She grew resentful. Her once warm messages turned cold, and her tone struck at me with icy stabs I'd known only once before.

 

People still say I'm going to meet someone else. I'm just not sure if I want to. I've gone on a couple of dates and felt like I was insulting my date because I couldn't help but compare them to my ex. I'm imagining the men my ex is seeing, jealous that they have the opportunity to make her smile, and I can't. I often regret moving away, but feel like her breaking up with me was inevitable. I don't want to fill her void, her role in my life - I think I just want her. I viewed her not just as a partner, a girlfriend, a best friend - I viewed her as her. I didn't lose a position. I lost her...an individual.

 

I no longer care about what happens now only because I recognize that I can't do anything about it. But I still want her back, because I feel like I can love her in a way that better suits her preferences now. I feel like I've learned so much in this break up (my first real one), and now I want to have another shot. But at the same time, I've grown a pair and don't want her back unless she initiates it. It's a very confusing feeling.

 

Six months ago, I was angry, lonely, confused, betrayed, and sad. Today, I'm angry, lonely, confused, betrayed, and sad - just in different ways. I might have to see her again soon, and while I'm frightened as hell in some ways, I'm also curious as to how we both respond to the meeting (or lack thereof). I don't know who I am to her anymore, but to me, I think she is still my love. And I'm afraid that that will never change.

 

Anyways...six months. Woot. Sorry for the ramble. Hope you guys are doing better.

 

 

All you lost is someone who doesn't love you back. She lost more in the end. I'm very sorry you are sad. :(

  • Like 5
SCJACK Established Member

SCJACK

Posted
Posted

Wow I feel your pain.. Everything you said is exactly how I feel... sometimes I wish I had the chance to do it all over again.. Just to experience those happiness feelings.. Even knowing it will probably end in hurt again.

  • Author
forever_lost Member

forever_lost

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Hey OP, I've been there. Some days I still have "flashbacks" of the pangs of my love for him because it was real, it was genuine, it was authentic. I remember, shortly after we met I stayed at his house and while we lay together in each other's arms, an overwhelming feeling of unconditional love washed over me. I thought to myself, "this can be a great love." That had never happened to me before. I just knew he was "the one". As it turns out, he was far from it. And the loss of the RS made me question my judgement. "How could I have been so wrong about someone?"

 

The reality is facing the hard fact that some people come into our lives for a reason. And sometimes they leave us too. It's like the tides of the ocean. The ebb and flow of life. And what I've learned is that "happiness is a choice." So sometimes you just have to cut the sandbag off the balloon and let your soul free. It's not easy. But everyday, every moment, you must choose you and your happiness. She may have been a source of light for you, but right now the memory of her is eclipsing your happiness. Forgive yourself. You did nothing to deserve this. The pain your feeling is your soul growing. I don't know you, but believe me when I tell you that I love you and that you're not alone. Love yourself first and forever.

 

This made me smile. Thank you. :)

  • Author
forever_lost Member

forever_lost

Posted
  • Author
Posted
All you lost is someone who doesn't love you back. She lost more in the end. I'm very sorry you are sad. :(

 

Heh thanks. The thing is, though, I think I'm most sad about the idea that at the end, she still loved me...and left anyways. Sure, if she really loved me she may not have left, but it doesn't mean she didn't still care.

 

But she left anyways.

  • Like 1
Marco Valerio Established Member

Marco Valerio

Posted
Posted

If she really loved you she would not have left. Your loved her and would certainly fought for her, but she did not. Find someone that loves you as much as you love them. You deserve much more.

jt27 Established Member

jt27

Posted
Posted
Heh thanks. The thing is, though, I think I'm most sad about the idea that at the end, she still loved me...and left anyways. Sure, if she really loved me she may not have left, but it doesn't mean she didn't still care.

 

But she left anyways.

 

I am sure my ex loves me and cares about me too, just not enough to fight for our relationship. She gave up just like yours did. Sorry man, I really am. I am feeling everything you are and it's debilitating.

 

In the end Fred is right, there really are no words that are going to make you feel better. I am not even 2 months on and don't want to let go.

  • Like 2
Virgin26 Established Member

Virgin26

Posted
Posted

oh man, I could relate to your post so much, it moved me to tears. I just reached the 6 months post breakup mark, and I'm not at all over my ex. I wish I could say something that will make this easier for you. You're not alone in this! *hugs*

  • Author
forever_lost Member

forever_lost

Posted
  • Author
Posted
If she really loved you she would not have left. Your loved her and would certainly fought for her, but she did not. Find someone that loves you as much as you love them. You deserve much more.

 

Thanks. I think I do as well, but I'm finding that to be the difficult thing. Obviously she's not the right person for me, but I still love her anyways. It's not that I haven't tried to stop loving her, or think she's "the one". I just feel like I've lost agency in my emotions...if I had any to begin with, of course.

 

Her friend forwarded this to me, which my ex had forwarded to her as an explanation for her breaking up with me: DEAR SUGAR, The Rumpus Advice Column #77: The Truth That Lives There - The Rumpus.net. She just felt like she needed to go and be herself after dating people for ten years, I guess. Being the one with her when she needed to be free, I can't help but feel I've become the vehicle towards which she became resentful towards.

 

I don't know if I can blame her for that. Maybe I'm just too soft, but I guess that's what love does to you.

  • Like 1
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