redcode Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 Me and my ex-girlfriend(my firstlove) broke up almost 3 years ago, after the break up we remain bestfriends, it didn't work out because I was still inlove with her, this happened 3 times now.T The last one at that time(2013) she had a new boyfriend, she always opens up to me regarding their relationship problems, when they broke up, we hooked up then I told her that I still love her, then eventually she told me that we should stop seeing each other because she and her bf got back together. Then now(2014) we started seeing each other again but now she doesn't have a boyfriend, she calls me constantly and comes to my place and is very sweet to me, but she calls me "bestfriend" and sometimes when we talk she always brings up our past, it confuses me and old feelings started to haunt me again it's painful and now I'm starting to fall for her again. I know I should just ignore her and move-on but I just can't, to me she's the most wonderful thing that has ever happened to me even though she dumped me so many times I can't blame her because I wanted to do my thing, I've learned so many things because of what happened to us. I want to confront her that I still love her and that we should just give up on what we have, but there's apart of me that just want to take it slow. any advice will be appreciated.
54321 Posted May 16, 2014 Posted May 16, 2014 You're her safety net and she's using you. That's not healthy for anyone. It's emotionally exploitative and kind of cowardly on her part. What's going to happen if she doesn't have a boyfriend in reserve to fall back on when she breaks up with #1? Is she going to explode and die? Or is her ego just going to take a hit? This is exactly why I broke up with my boyfriend, because I couldn't treat him like she's treating you, and just stay with him till I found something else, because I actually care about and respect him. Real friends don't do what she is doing. She's not the best thing that ever happened to you. She just wants you to think she is so that she can think she is the best thing that happened to everyone. Even if she doesn't realize what she's doing, it's just because she's too immature to realize it. Also, if you get her now that she's single, it doesn't sound like you'll really have her. She'll drop you whenever she wants, knowing she can also have you back whenever she wants. I'd break it all off if I were you. 2
tlegend Posted May 16, 2014 Posted May 16, 2014 Me and my ex-girlfriend(my firstlove) broke up almost 3 years ago, after the break up we remain bestfriends, it didn't work out because I was still inlove with her, this happened 3 times now.T The last one at that time(2013) she had a new boyfriend, she always opens up to me regarding their relationship problems, when they broke up, we hooked up then I told her that I still love her, then eventually she told me that we should stop seeing each other because she and her bf got back together. Then now(2014) we started seeing each other again but now she doesn't have a boyfriend, she calls me constantly and comes to my place and is very sweet to me, but she calls me "bestfriend" and sometimes when we talk she always brings up our past, it confuses me and old feelings started to haunt me again it's painful and now I'm starting to fall for her again. I know I should just ignore her and move-on but I just can't, to me she's the most wonderful thing that has ever happened to me even though she dumped me so many times I can't blame her because I wanted to do my thing, I've learned so many things because of what happened to us. I want to confront her that I still love her and that we should just give up on what we have, but there's apart of me that just want to take it slow. any advice will be appreciated. Do not be ashamed for loving someone. However, if you can't grow to just being her friend...with whatever benefits there may be, then you need to just let go and move on, as all you are doing is hurting yourself. Quit trying to understand what SHE is doing. What are YOU doing? 1
Priv Posted May 17, 2014 Posted May 17, 2014 I just read 3 years of hearthbreak. That is already 3 years of you not moving on. If you are not careful you are going to wake up 10 years from now still pining over her. Worst of all, this ´thing´you have is preventing you, not her, from finding true love and happiness. Stop this cycle please for your own good.
Absinthe Posted May 18, 2014 Posted May 18, 2014 If she is your ex-girlfriend AND first love, then by extension she cannot be your "best friend". I have exes who are good mates, but that's only because we BOTH have ZERO feelings for one another now. I have two cases of "first love" exes: one where I was his first love, the other where he was my first love. In the case of the ex I loved, this was a hard lesson for me to learn and it went on for SEVEN YEARS. Only now, in my mid-twenties, have I finally seen it for what it is. You already have three years of this push-pull game under your belt. It will drag on if you let it. My ex did not want me, but he was single and he needed someone to kill time with. Furthermore, he KNEW he had caused me a great deal of pain and he was cleary hoping to assuage it by being a "friend". I asked him repeatedly what he was doing and to go away, but ultimately it had to be ME who cut the cord and went full-on NC. In the case of the ex who loved me, he wanted to be friends but I knew from experience this would cause him unnecessary agony so I backed off. We get along, so we talk occasionally and civilly, but there is no intimacy of any kind.
Author redcode Posted May 18, 2014 Author Posted May 18, 2014 I understand what all of you are pointing out, but there is a part of me that wants to stay with her even if its gonna hurt me, she's been thru worse than me, I want to help her change(she has a very sophisticated personality because of what happened to her childhood and ex's), she's very lonely yeah I know I'm naive for wanting **** to happen, and that's why I just want to move-on and let her be
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