Jump to content

Have I completely ruined my chances of getting my ex back? I need your input so bad!

Darek1103

By Darek1103
in Breaks and Breaking Up

 Share
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!

Recommended Posts

KaliLove Established Member

KaliLove

Posted
Posted

You're not doing yourself any favors by acting desperate. You need to go NC and assume that it's over for good. If he wanted to talk about reconciliation he would let you know, but it doesn't seem like he does. You're making his texts into much more than they are. There's nothing to decipher, he just wanted to be nice. He wants to keep in touch because it makes him feel good. Frankly, keeping in touch with you will help him heal and get over you faster because he doesn't actually have to lose you until he's ready.

Zahara Established Member

Zahara

Posted
Posted

I'm sorry but NC is a CHOICE you make to help you move forward. He is not responsible to NC with you because it hurts you. You are responsible to abide by NC and follow through with whatever it takes to implement NC. And that would mean blocking him because he cannot adhere to your need to heal. And when the man tells you he will delete your number, you tell him not to do it and then beg him to talk to you. You are now the one sending mixed messages.

 

AGAIN, most dumpers will send you random text messages to keep you in their life for reasons being 1) you are a crutch 2) you feed the ego 3) they may still like you as a person and want to still have some presence of you in their life 4) you provide attention, etc. It is never for the right reasons. And your desperation is sending him further away. It is not attractive.

 

The signs are so clear. The problem is you are in an emotional fog and you are in serious denial.

  • Like 1
  • Author
Darek1103 New Member

Darek1103

Posted
  • Author
Posted

This f*cking sucks :(

 

I can't help but think that he is still unsure about "us" and that is why he is sending me these mixed texts.

 

For example... the text about being tested. WHY would he send me that?

 

Maybe I'm in denial, maybe I'm partially in denial, maybe there is a small chance, maybe there's not.... I have no idea anymore.

 

It's been 2 solid months since he broke up with me. Do exes typically TRY to come back and reconcile further down the road? I've read that it takes sometimes between 4-6 months?

 

Here's the other strange side of the story:

 

This EXACT scenario happened to me 2 years ago. Him and I went on a few casual dates, I started liking him a LOT, he made me a nice dinner and that night I KNEW I was falling in love. I left his house that night just giving him a big hug and thanking him for the wonderful evening.

 

The next morning I texted him right away thanking him again for dinner, etc and asked him what his plans were for the following weekend. I wanted to make a huge fancy dinner for him and tell him my feelings, etc.

 

He responded that he wasn't sure what his plans were yet. Then a few minutes later tells me:

 

"I have to be honest with you, I've started seeing someone"

 

I basically poured my heart out to him but respected his decision and let him do his thing. That entire summer was TORTURE for me :(

 

Throughout the summer he would send me random texts like "I hope you're staying cool" (it was 104 degrees that day) etc

 

SO WTF?!?!?!?!?!?!?

Strength in Healing Established Member

Strength in Healing

Posted
Posted

de·ni·al

diˈnīəl/

noun

noun: denial

the action of declaring something to be untrue.

 

 

 

 

Denial

Negación

Dénégation

Leugnung

отказ

 

 

 

You are the only one who thinks it is mixed signals that mean what you want them to mean. Time for tough love... No WTF situation here. Denial isn't just a river...

Zahara Established Member

Zahara

Posted
Posted
This f*cking sucks :(

 

I can't help but think that he is still unsure about "us" and that is why he is sending me these mixed texts.

 

For example... the text about being tested. WHY would he send me that?

 

Maybe I'm in denial, maybe I'm partially in denial, maybe there is a small chance, maybe there's not.... I have no idea anymore.

 

It's been 2 solid months since he broke up with me. Do exes typically TRY to come back and reconcile further down the road? I've read that it takes sometimes between 4-6 months?

 

Here's the other strange side of the story:

 

This EXACT scenario happened to me 2 years ago. Him and I went on a few casual dates, I started liking him a LOT, he made me a nice dinner and that night I KNEW I was falling in love. I left his house that night just giving him a big hug and thanking him for the wonderful evening.

 

The next morning I texted him right away thanking him again for dinner, etc and asked him what his plans were for the following weekend. I wanted to make a huge fancy dinner for him and tell him my feelings, etc.

 

He responded that he wasn't sure what his plans were yet. Then a few minutes later tells me:

 

"I have to be honest with you, I've started seeing someone"

 

I basically poured my heart out to him but respected his decision and let him do his thing. That entire summer was TORTURE for me :(

 

Throughout the summer he would send me random texts like "I hope you're staying cool" (it was 104 degrees that day) etc

 

SO WTF?!?!?!?!?!?!?

 

He texted you about being tested because you basically begged him to talk to you. He then sent you some random text, to acknowledge your request and told you to be safe in the future (shutting the door).

 

The reason you are where you are is because you have set the terms -- you allowed yourself to become his crutch. He comes and goes and no matter what happens, there you are. The perpetual scratching post.

 

He's done this before and here you are still questioning it. Contact has given you nothing but pain and confusion. It hasn't given you what you want. It's time to break the cycle. Unless you're hoping that by allowing contact, maybe something will change.

 

The thing is, if he wanted to reconcile, even if you were living in a hole in Timbuktu, he'd come for you. There is no reason to keep contact because you are afraid that it will ruin your chances for reconciliation. NC, and stop allowing contact from him. And he understands why you have to ignore contact and if he's okay with you needing NC, there's your answer.

  • Like 1
KaliLove Established Member

KaliLove

Posted
Posted
This f*cking sucks :(

 

I can't help but think that he is still unsure about "us" and that is why he is sending me these mixed texts.

 

For example... the text about being tested. WHY would he send me that?

 

Maybe I'm in denial, maybe I'm partially in denial, maybe there is a small chance, maybe there's not.... I have no idea anymore.

 

It's been 2 solid months since he broke up with me. Do exes typically TRY to come back and reconcile further down the road? I've read that it takes sometimes between 4-6 months?

 

Here's the other strange side of the story:

 

This EXACT scenario happened to me 2 years ago. Him and I went on a few casual dates, I started liking him a LOT, he made me a nice dinner and that night I KNEW I was falling in love. I left his house that night just giving him a big hug and thanking him for the wonderful evening.

 

The next morning I texted him right away thanking him again for dinner, etc and asked him what his plans were for the following weekend. I wanted to make a huge fancy dinner for him and tell him my feelings, etc.

 

He responded that he wasn't sure what his plans were yet. Then a few minutes later tells me:

 

"I have to be honest with you, I've started seeing someone"

 

I basically poured my heart out to him but respected his decision and let him do his thing. That entire summer was TORTURE for me :(

 

Throughout the summer he would send me random texts like "I hope you're staying cool" (it was 104 degrees that day) etc

 

SO WTF?!?!?!?!?!?!?

 

That's because you WANT to think they mean something. He sent you the text about being tested to be courteous.

 

Talking about the weather? I mean..come on. How is that romantic? That is a completely inane text that's meant to illicit a response. It doesn't mean he wants you back.

 

As Simon and others like to say..he is tugging the leash to make sure the dog is still there. It feels AWESOME to have someone pining over you. It's a huge ego booster. Why would he give that up?

BC1980 Established Member

BC1980

Posted
Posted

And he is NOT being straightforward with me. Someone who is straightforward would say "hey listen, I'm really sorry but the door is unfortunately closed. I wish you the best in your future, etc, etc"

 

He has not ONCE said that the door is closed. Not ONCE!! And I've asked 2-3 times now (or at least hinted at the question).

 

Just because you would be straight with someone, doesn't mean he would. Something you need to learn quickly is that people behave differently in relationships. In actuality, alot of people aren't straight up for many reasons. Zahara mentioned the most common ones.

 

He's been clear to you. What does he need to do to make it more clear for you? How much more do you need to degrade yourself?

 Share
Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...