jt27 Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 We all learn many things about ourselves after the most important person in our life leaves us. I am wondering what are the different things you guys have learned after someone breaks your heart? What lessons did you learn and what did you learn about yourselves?
learning_slowly Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 I think the most important things I have learnt are: 1) don't take what you have for granted. 2) always try to improve yourself. 3) you need to work at relationships. 4) not to put people on pedestals. 5) don't give up. 6) our minds are a mess unless we train them to think how we wànt to think. 7) it's easy to waste a day or 2 dwelling in the past, motivate yourself to move on. That's not to say I always adhere to the things I've learnt 8
FredJones80 Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 Partners teach you many lessons which improve your life. They also teach you ones you didn't want to learn. 2
Author jt27 Posted May 15, 2014 Author Posted May 15, 2014 4) not to put people on pedestals. That may be my biggest lesson learned. Investing much, much more than she did. Partners teach you many lessons which improve your life. Funny, isn't it? I am a better person now than if she never broke my heart. But yes, it is a lesson I never wanted to learn. 4
Michelle ma Belle Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 Oh my goodness...so many things!!! 1. NEVER ever get complacent 2. Love with abandon always - don't be afraid to risk 3. Don't be afraid to be silly with each other 4. It takes two people to make or break a relationship - one person can't do it alone 5. COMMUNICATE - this must be paramount in every relationship 6. Have a life including friends that is separate from your partner - it will make you a more rounded human being 7. Celebrate the small things 8. You will never be able to fully love another or accept their love until you learn to love yourself - this is a BIG one 9. Fight fair and never go to bed angry 10. Sometimes love just isn't enough There are more but this is a good start! 7
d0nnivain Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 I'm stronger than I thought. Just because one man broke my heart does not mean I don't have value as a person. The right one is out there. 4
STM206 Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 On a more serious note. I learned that people can say and do things that make you believe all is well, but sometimes even when blinded, you have to look for the signs so you can semi prepare yourself for what might become the end of what you once thought was forever. 2
AnyaNova Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 I gave my heart away carelessly. Inch by inch without even realizing I was doing it. Without carefully vetting the one I was giving it to, to be sure that he was ready and truly able to care for it to the best of his ability. I learned to be really careful before investing my heart. I learned to be watchful and really listen to try and discern familial issues behind the scenes that could effect our relationship. I learned most importantly. Love does not always conquer and even though, in the new creation, God's love will conquer all evil, all sin, all death and all heartbreak... It is not the new creation, and the statement that Christ is the light of the world, the light no darkness can overcome unfortunately applies to the new creation over time... Right now, there are still darknesses that will not be shone through until then. there are deaths that still persist and pervade (I don't just mean the physical ones), and that there is no escaping grief and loss in our world up until the time of the new creation. And most of all, I learned that the brightest souls, the most innocent, the must trusting, the most beautiful are often the ones that suffer the most, and are most willing to subsume themselves for the needs of another. As I am 99 percent sure he is doing now for his parents (although, as my own pointed out, sometimes, when these situations occur, the pull is both ways, and so as much as he loved his job and his condo and his new life, he may have really wanted to go back too, but his beautiful voice. His strong confident self that he only showed around me. I fear greatly it is gone forever. It feels like, especially since he won't bloody even reach out to explain why or clarify, or let me know he is ok, it really feels like I am mourning the death of the man I knew...that even if his walking, talking, breathing body is still here, because he was so hidden with his true self, with everybody, I feel like now especially that he has gone back to home and the people he told me he couldn't be his true self around, I feel like I am mourning the death of that beautiful soul that was just starting to come out of his cocoon. I know you all will tell me that I should not care but I said this then and I still believe it now. When someone does not have the tools to resist being cannibalized to fulfill the needs of the parents (and I realize that I might have put everything together wrong, but he never left me with any clear answers, and the evidence for this one is pretty strong), and their fundamental self is lost because of it, somebody should notice. Somebody should care. Somebody should grieve that loss. I guess, in this case, that person is me.
learning_slowly Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 Oh my goodness...so many things!!! 1. NEVER ever get complacent 2. Love with abandon always - don't be afraid to risk 3. Don't be afraid to be silly with each other 4. It takes two people to make or break a relationship - one person can't do it alone 5. COMMUNICATE - this must be paramount in every relationship 6. Have a life including friends that is separate from your partner - it will make you a more rounded human being 7. Celebrate the small things 8. You will never be able to fully love another or accept their love until you learn to love yourself - this is a BIG one 9. Fight fair and never go to bed angry 10. Sometimes love just isn't enough There are more but this is a good start! Not too sure about 4 though. It is usually a result of 2 people, but if I just don't care enough to bother, how can the other person do anything but accept the situation and vice versa? 7 is true: I have been doing stupid things like buying sweets again. Not for everyday, but kinda fun. A change from the pub 3
Hoosfoos Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 She's likely to do to you the very things she did to the one(s) before you. 7
Itspointless Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 Not too sure about 4 though. It is usually a result of 2 people, but if I just don't care enough to bother, how can the other person do anything but accept the situation and vice versa? Exactly, and accepting such a thing is a real bitch when you know that the decision is made in a state of stress resulting in avoidance and supression of feelings (a dysfunctional pattern). 2
Mondmellonw Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 1. To be patient, (i.e. if I know the guy has been recently out of a toxic relationship, I have to stay away and with low expectations). 2. To trust myself. Always. 3. To not overlook any patterns. 4. To set boundaries and stick to them no matter how hard the guy tries to tell me that I am "responsible for his feelings" if I am not. 5. To still be loyal, like I always been, just for the right person. 3
SadNLonley Posted May 16, 2014 Posted May 16, 2014 The biggest thing I learned is not to take love for granted. Dont play games Dont take little breaks because one time they wont come back 4
me85 Posted May 16, 2014 Posted May 16, 2014 This is a really good, really healthy thread. Thanks for starting it. 2
Author jt27 Posted May 16, 2014 Author Posted May 16, 2014 This is a really good, really healthy thread. Thanks for starting it. Glad you think so! She's likely to do to you the very things she did to the one(s) before you. 3. To not overlook any patterns. True story right there. Looking back there is definitely a great similarity to her previous relationship and mine along with her patterns of behavior during our relationship. 2
FredJones80 Posted May 16, 2014 Posted May 16, 2014 True story right there. Looking back there is definitely a great similarity to her previous relationship and mine along with her patterns of behavior during our relationship. As they say, the only consistent in all your relationships... is you. That was aimed more at your ex than you though jt27. As I always say... doesn't make it any easier though does it 1
sedgwick Posted May 16, 2014 Posted May 16, 2014 I learned not to date again. I don't want to go through that kind of heartbreak and humiliation again EVER. Don't even want to risk it. Sure, it's lonely, but I haven't had my heart ripped out again, and that's been nice.
Author jt27 Posted May 16, 2014 Author Posted May 16, 2014 As they say, the only consistent in all your relationships... is you. That was aimed more at your ex than you though jt27. As I always say... doesn't make it any easier though does it True dat but if it was easy, then we would learn very little from it.
tlegend Posted May 16, 2014 Posted May 16, 2014 I learned that love is a choice and mutual respect is something that is earned....not given. 2
FredJones80 Posted May 16, 2014 Posted May 16, 2014 True dat but if it was easy, then we would learn very little from it. I'd rather not be in the position to learn though
Author jt27 Posted May 16, 2014 Author Posted May 16, 2014 I'd rather not be in the position to learn though Me either, just doing my best to be optomistic and think positive. I know it won't last though. Another thing I will add is that I am learning is that therapy is very very helpful.
FaithinIron Posted May 17, 2014 Posted May 17, 2014 Dont fall in love quickly, and make sure you do your homework on the person you are dating. Other wise it could end up to be a mess. 4
VanessaVanessa Posted May 17, 2014 Posted May 17, 2014 It's been a lot of little things.. But in general I have learnt not to trust so easily - to take time in trusting someone and not actually give up on trusting completely. I have learnt that knowing what is okay with yourself before getting in a relationship is important. Being direct about where you want a relationship to go. Don't assume that that people will put in the same effort as you will. Then again, all this is because things moved along way too fast in my past relationship.
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