SomeHeart Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 I've been with my partner for a just under a year. The first 6 months were great but all of a sudden we seem to have grinded to a halt. I feel really confused by all of this , it feels as though all of a sudden we have nothing to talk about. The past 3 times we've met , we've pretty much sat there in silence the whole time and there seems to be an awkward tension between us. We were thinking of booking a holiday a few weeks ago but I really dont think I could face going away with her with the atmosphere being so bad. Ive confronted her about this and she just replies 'nothing's wrong' or 'we're fine' - I dont know whether she's just being polite or whether she just doesnt want to admit that there's a problem but it just seems impossible to deny. The relationship has become a real struggle , we dont have any fun anymore. I dont know what to do.
FredJones80 Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 I've been with my partner for a just under a year. The first 6 months were great but all of a sudden we seem to have grinded to a halt. I feel really confused by all of this , it feels as though all of a sudden we have nothing to talk about. The past 3 times we've met , we've pretty much sat there in silence the whole time and there seems to be an awkward tension between us. We were thinking of booking a holiday a few weeks ago but I really dont think I could face going away with her with the atmosphere being so bad. Ive confronted her about this and she just replies 'nothing's wrong' or 'we're fine' - I dont know whether she's just being polite or whether she just doesnt want to admit that there's a problem but it just seems impossible to deny. The relationship has become a real struggle , we dont have any fun anymore. I dont know what to do. I'd say after such a short time you just aren't compatible. If things have hit this point so early on then you have problems. Sorry
Author SomeHeart Posted May 15, 2014 Author Posted May 15, 2014 Thank you for your honesty , Ive felt that this is the case for a while to be honest, just havent wanted to admit it to myself I guess. I suppose it's just what's known as 'fizzling out.'
Author SomeHeart Posted May 15, 2014 Author Posted May 15, 2014 As I've explained in previous threads me and my current gf have really hit a wall in our 1 year relationship. I find that we've got nothing to talk about anymore. We just sit there ,practically in silence everytime we see each other. It's been really getting me down. I even find that we struggle to make conversation over text nowadays. We went to a bar on Friday evening and I just found myself gazing at other couples who were laughing and having fun together and I found myself feeling really jealous. I still find her really attractive , thats never been an issue but lately I feel like thats all we have and it's not enough to save us. I've tried to talk to her but she seems to think that everything is fine. Its making me feel really depressed to the point that I dread seeing her because I know it's going to be awkward and Im going to feel really bored in her company. The last thing I want to do is hurt her , the first few months of the relationship were great but now I feel that it's just fizzled out. How do I confront her about breaking up without sounding heartless. I really dont want to hurt her? I usually hate the idea of writing my feelings online but this website seems reliable and advice Ive read so far has been really sound so thank you to everyone who's replied.
Strength in Healing Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 When you run out of things to talk about, do the alphabet method! Start with A. What things start with A? Well, aunt, apple, audi... you can talk about these! Then move to B... Brazil, babies, burnt toast, building... then C... cat, chalk, China, chimpanzee... There you go, now you will never be short on conversation again! You're welcome! If you wanna break up anyways, then there is no way to avoid hurting her and it's best to be direct. 2
PegNosePete Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 Be direct and talk about your feelings. Don't say "I want to break up with you, we never talk about anything". Say "I feel like we're not connecting any more. I think it would be better if we break up". If you give solid reasons then she may try to bargain with you: ie. we never talk about anything, OK what do you want to talk about? What happened at work today, what's the price of fish etc? Then you get drawn into a long and awkward discussion. If you talk about your feelings then that can't possibly be contested or argued with. I feel we are not getting on well, I don't see a future for our relationship. That kind of thing is much better because there's no way she can say "no you don't feel like that". 3
stillfiguringitallou Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 Perhaps you just need to find more things to talk about? Or genuinely talk to her about how your feeling? It seems to me you have transitioned out of the "honeymoon phase" where everything is fresh and new and exciting to the true test of any relationship - which is the actual relationship. This is why people say there is a difference between loving ... and being in love. I wish I had good advice for you - if she really loves you this is going to hurt her either way. Don't make it seem like it's her fault because thats not fair - it isn't her job to keep you entertained and happy. Be gentle. Be kind - and if being around hurts her more than when you're not - go NC - for both your sakes 2
Author SomeHeart Posted May 15, 2014 Author Posted May 15, 2014 Thank you to everyone who took the time to reply! I think I need to talk to her and explain my feelings. I really would like a chance to put things right. Watch this space. 3
STM206 Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 Thank you to everyone who took the time to reply! I think I need to talk to her and explain my feelings. I really would like a chance to put things right. Watch this space. That's most admirable. At least give the relationship a chance, but be sure to let her know your feelings and don't sugarcoat it. 4
Author SomeHeart Posted May 15, 2014 Author Posted May 15, 2014 Thank you , I really don't want her to feel 'blamed' in any way , or like I'm 'emotionally attacking' her. It will be such a relief just to clear the air and lay all our cards on the table. 1
David87 Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 Thank you , I really don't want her to feel 'blamed' in any way , or like I'm 'emotionally attacking' her. It will be such a relief just to clear the air and lay all our cards on the table. That's a real good decision you made . Keep us posted and I hope everything will be ok for you. 2
Elle1975 Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 I wouldn't insert the words "break up" in your conversation, unless that's what you want, but I'd definitively would talk about it. Depending on how the conversation goes, then take your decision based on that. If the same atmosphere remains, tell her the relationship doesn't meet your needs. You won't be lying. I read a lot of posts where people say "I wish he/she would have communicated", do just that, communicate. And if you end the relationship, walk away knowing you gave it your best try. 1
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