AnneT1985 Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 Hi y'all!! I was wondering what your thoughts are on this: How do you deal with utterly unreliable people? By that I mean chronically very late or don't show up at all without a prior explanation, don't do what they say they will, offer help but do not follow through, are not home when you agreed on a time to come over etc? If this were your friend would you remain friends? I'd love your thoughts and opinions. Thanks so much y'all! xx
PegNosePete Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 No I would not remain friends with someone who has no respect or consideration for me and my time. 1
carhill Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 When younger and needing social acceptance, I tried negotiating, bargaining, cajoling, pleading, etc, etc; now, they get the bin. The abyss. I simply make a decision and terminate them. Friendships are about mutual respect and care. Those who demonstrate lack are not friends. That's OK! 1
iris219 Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 It depends. Is this person always unreliable? If so, follow the advice of the other posters. If not, then it becomes trickier. I have a good friend who can be very unreliable--we actually didn't speak for several months because of something she did--but then there are times she surprises my with her kindness and consideration. She can be very sweet. When the bad outweighs the good, stop being friends with that person. This hasn't happened yet with my friend, but I don't treat her the same as I do my reliable friends. For example, I have already decided she will not be a bridesmaid in my wedding, which I'm sure will upset her, but I can't risk the stress of her unreliability. 1
potsticker Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 (edited) Hi y'all!! I was wondering what your thoughts are on this: How do you deal with utterly unreliable people? By that I mean chronically very late or don't show up at all without a prior explanation, don't do what they say they will, offer help but do not follow through, are not home when you agreed on a time to come over etc? If this were your friend would you remain friends? I'd love your thoughts and opinions. Thanks so much y'all! xx I have a friend like this. He always feels guilty about it when I rag on him about it, but he always is late and etc. The thing is that he doesn't think that his internal clock is wrong, to a point of being in denial over it: He'll start getting ready at 11 am for a 1230 meeting, but he takes over an hour and half to get ready plus travel time so at best he'll be there at 1pm. So I just press on him before those times we're supposed to meet to make sure he's getting ready at the right time, etc. I'm still his friend, but it's something I really wish he'd change, since I don't want to be his mom before every time we hang out. Edited May 15, 2014 by potsticker 1
OnwardandUpward Posted May 16, 2014 Posted May 16, 2014 thanks so much y'all! xx haa love *y'all* i can actually hear the accent when i read that word 1
todreaminblue Posted May 16, 2014 Posted May 16, 2014 (edited) LOL.....that sums up pretty much everyone I know. Which is why I have no friends, and cant get a date. If everyone held people to realistic standards....and quit giving people passes on their terrible behavior, they would be alone just like me. But theres a lot of people out there that let themselves get used and walked on, for the simple fact they refuse to stand up for themselves, or they are scared of not having any friends. i dont forgive unreliable people because i am weak and get trodden on or because i enjoy feeling used or stood up.....just to have friends....... i forgive because i have been unreliable myself.......and if i make a mistake or forget or get held up or am sick or cant bring myself to face the world on that day.......then i hope to be forgiven too..........all people have rough periods some more than others.......i have had my share...and i have been forgiven by true friends....i am blessed to have true friends....... and that is what i will be...not weak or used or a door mat..i stand up....but i pick my battles i dont wage them unnecessarily without full understanding of what is going on....no matter how pissed i get and yeah i get pissed too....i am human....but i am just a true friend who can be reliable enough to stay the same friend pissed or happy still me.........as far as time goes.......i spend my time with people who accept me for me as i for them...if a friend is being unreliable i give them space .... .i am not scared of not having friends .....i am scared i wont be there if a true friend needs me theres a fear........i wont be that person who wasnt there in spite of what crap i have to go through with them or forgive them for.....its not always butterflies and bug catchers in all relationships ..........although that would be cool with me i love butterflies .....ill take on the spiders and the bee stings too .......good or bad times....like my closest friends do with me Edited May 16, 2014 by todreaminblue 1
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