Ronnie33 Posted May 17, 2014 Posted May 17, 2014 (edited) My AP was one of my closests friends and even though I have just gone NC for my own sanity it doesn't change that. We were friends before this started and I know how much we deeply care for eachother regardless of what happened. The hardest part of ending it for us over the 9 months was losing our friendship. We are perfectly matched in everyway and that's why we fell for eachother but timing is a bitch. Edited May 17, 2014 by Ronnie33 4
Author movingon45 Posted May 18, 2014 Author Posted May 18, 2014 The reason I stopped contact (only recently) is because - although there was absolutely nothing affectionate or out of line about our conversations, it was clear that it was still an emotional affair. He should be telling his wife the things he was sharing with me (when I told him that, he said "no - now I just won't have anyone to tell"). Uggh. I wouldn't be able to handle EA either. I would want to see him eventually. My ExMM and I can never do the friends thing. We were not friends before the A. We were not friends before we became college sweethearts either. The normal texts/out of line would only last for a few days.
Hope Shimmers Posted May 18, 2014 Posted May 18, 2014 The normal texts/out of line would only last for a few days. It took awhile before that worked with us. It can be done, but it takes a lot of discipline. After awhile though it became the new norm. 1
P1nginLOVE Posted May 19, 2014 Posted May 19, 2014 Sadly, my therapist is right that our A partners are never our friends. Once the A is over, the attention and the friendship that made us think that they are our soul mates are also gone. We miss them, miss the "friendship" but actually they were there for us only because it was convenient for them and they were getting what they wanted. This thought is strengthening my resolve to stay in NC. 12 days now. The worst part is over, I hope! I no longer want to text although I want him to text me! (for my ego). I'm glad he hasn't because that will just set me back again. I'm in your shoes! 6 weeks ago, I guess...we resumed our A, just EA...then a month ago, I backed out..had a week of NC...but then I felt like I still wanted to keep him as a friend. So I broke NC and went LC. Tried to be his friend...had reminded him many times i just want to be his friend, but he kept wantin more...am able to keep it cool...and this morning....his W emailed me, she discovered one of my emails. I told her, we're only friends now. She accused me as a liar (because this morning I said I didn't love her H anymore). I told her yes, few months ago when I told her I loved her H (she read my gbye letter to my xMM where I said I love him but I want him to reconcile with her), I was honest. Just because now I merely want him to be a friend and that I don't love him, it doesn't mean I lied. She is now blindly jealous because I'm still seeing her H. I explained to her that we're just friends and that I'm slowly able to feel less attached to her H, emotionally and physically. Maybe it also hit her ego when I said I'm not in love with her H anymore. And I cc-ed that email to my xMM. He hasn't replied. Guess he's angry now. Maybe I was too naive to think he'd ever be my friend.
Mickey1982 Posted May 19, 2014 Posted May 19, 2014 Don't mind read yourself into something other than what you know you said/felt, and what they said/felt. After it blows up (dday), any sort of crazy rationalizations can come out and take over the direction of things. Keep it special, because it was (and still is as long as you hold it as such). Gunther, I can only wish upon my stars that whatever 'came out' on d-day was not a reflect of the previous 3 1/2 years we had together. Mickey 1
SunsetRed Posted May 19, 2014 Posted May 19, 2014 No, they were never our friends. You'll see how nothing you were to your affair partner the first time you run into unexpectedly while in a public. They will turn white as a ghost and will pretend they never laid eyes on you. You were something that was convenient for them and that's all you/we/I were/ was. If you could be a fly on the wall in the house he shares w the wife he says is just a "roommate" you'd see how unspecial you are and how significant the wife really is. 2
SunsetRed Posted May 19, 2014 Posted May 19, 2014 Hi MIssBee, don't mean to hijack this thread but just wanted to say Hi. We're almost experts at being EX-mistresses now! Took my many years to really get over my affair, but I finally did. I will never ever entertain that sort of mental and spiritual bondage again. To think I was living my life w a chain around my neck, my freedom gone cuz I was waiting for the stolen moments this married man could give me. I worked 60 hours a week and gave him what time I could when he wanted it and his wife didn't work and spent all her free time driving around in a new vehicle. I'd go to work on 4 hours of sleep because I was sexing him up while the wife didn't work at all and got to play all day...Im so glad to be out of that prison! But wanted to say Hey to you MissBee cuz you always gave me the best advice
Hope Shimmers Posted May 19, 2014 Posted May 19, 2014 No, they were never our friends. You'll see how nothing you were to your affair partner the first time you run into unexpectedly while in a public. They will turn white as a ghost and will pretend they never laid eyes on you. You were something that was convenient for them and that's all you/we/I were/ was. If you could be a fly on the wall in the house he shares w the wife he says is just a "roommate" you'd see how unspecial you are and how significant the wife really is. Might apply to you, but not to everyone. 2
Ronnie33 Posted May 19, 2014 Posted May 19, 2014 I agree with Hope, if I ran into my AP tomorrow he would walk up and say hello regardless of who we were with. 2
Author movingon45 Posted May 20, 2014 Author Posted May 20, 2014 I guess true healing comes when you don't wonder anymore if you were really friends or not, if you were special or not and then there's no bitterness in your heart. You don't have to feel angry just to stay in NC, but for the time being, you should do/feel whatever helps you to maintain NC so that there's no new hurts. Going 3 weeks this week still NC! 1
P1nginLOVE Posted May 20, 2014 Posted May 20, 2014 I guess true healing comes when you don't wonder anymore if you were really friends or not, if you were special or not and then there's no bitterness in your heart. You don't have to feel angry just to stay in NC, but for the time being, you should do/feel whatever helps you to maintain NC so that there's no new hurts. Going 3 weeks this week still NC! Right behind your back... First day of NC. ^^ 1
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