pteromom Posted May 16, 2014 Posted May 16, 2014 No - you find someone when you DO look. You wouldn't tell someone they would find a job if they just quit looking, or get a degree if they just quit going to school. You gotta put effort into it. BUT - It's HOW you are putting effort into it... If you are dating just to date, desperately trying to make a connection, that's just going to tire you out and make you want to give up. Instead, focus on doing FUN THINGS that allow you to meet a variety of people. Volunteer at Habit for Humanity and help build a house. Go skydiving. Join a group hiking club or biking club. Go to a photography seminar. See local small venue concerts. Learn to play darts at the local pub. Ask your friends if they do anything or go anywhere fun, because you are trying new things. Say YES to any opportunity to try something new. Instead of hanging out at home to watch tv, go to the local sports bar or look for a view party for your favorite show. Instead of reading curled up on your couch, head over to the local bookstore. Instead of hanging out on LoveShack, look for LOCAL chat sites, online groups, etc. When you are shopping, keep your eyes open. Smile at cute guys. Talk to people See what happens. Go out into the world with an open heart and a smile. Best case scenario - you'll meet someone! Worst case scenario - you'll have a full, interesting life! Can't lose, really. 4
SadNLonley Posted May 16, 2014 Posted May 16, 2014 Do you ever approach guys? Not IRL. I have online, but no responses.
Salvatore85 Posted May 16, 2014 Posted May 16, 2014 What exactly do you consider a "quality" guy, if you don't mind me asking?
Author michellew Posted May 16, 2014 Author Posted May 16, 2014 What exactly do you consider a "quality" guy, if you don't mind me asking? The opposite of a d-bag! Lol. Quality to me is a gentleman with a good job, goals, ambition, confidence, good head on shoulder, etc. It's very important that they take care of themselves. (I eat pretty clean and workout (crossfit) about 5-6 times a week, but also have my cheat days and can let loose every now and then.)
Salvatore85 Posted May 16, 2014 Posted May 16, 2014 The opposite of a d-bag! Lol. Quality to me is a gentleman with a good job, goals, ambition, confidence, good head on shoulder, etc. It's very important that they take care of themselves. (I eat pretty clean and workout (crossfit) about 5-6 times a week, but also have my cheat days and can let loose every now and then.) Those are very reasonable standards. I think you're simply seeking what we're all seeking. Considering I workout 5 days a week and eat clean it would be hard for me to date a female who didn't do the same so I understand that. You haven't met anyone in your crossfit classes?
Author michellew Posted May 16, 2014 Author Posted May 16, 2014 Those are very reasonable standards. I think you're simply seeking what we're all seeking. Considering I workout 5 days a week and eat clean it would be hard for me to date a female who didn't do the same so I understand that. You haven't met anyone in your crossfit classes? I did last year at my former crossfit gym...we dated for a couple of months, but I could never take him serious. He was 10 years younger! (I was 34 at the time. He was fresh out of college and just got his first apartment. Lol) I switched gyms last summer, but haven't met anyone. There are a couple of guys there that flirt with me, but nothing more. Maybe I'll try going at different times since it's always the same people when I go.
Salvatore85 Posted May 16, 2014 Posted May 16, 2014 I did last year at my former crossfit gym...we dated for a couple of months, but I could never take him serious. He was 10 years younger! (I was 34 at the time. He was fresh out of college and just got his first apartment. Lol) I switched gyms last summer, but haven't met anyone. There are a couple of guys there that flirt with me, but nothing more. Maybe I'll try going at different times since it's always the same people when I go. Just not attracted to the ones that are flirting?
Author michellew Posted May 16, 2014 Author Posted May 16, 2014 Just not attracted to the ones that are flirting? It's not that really, it's just that we're all focused on the workouts, not really hooking up while there. I'm sure if we had a social mixer it would be different. I brought a date to the last one so they probably all think I have a boyfriend. :/
somedude81 Posted May 16, 2014 Posted May 16, 2014 Let's see, in January I went on dates with 3 different men. Hit it off with one and continued to see him exclusively for 3 months. That ended (my fault due to some insecurities on my part). I put my profile back up in April and went out with 2 other guys I met online. One wanted to get serious, but I realized I wasn't over the last one and wanted to take a break from dating for a while which is why we are here now. When I'm actively online dating and searching, I'd say I meet about 2-3 guys in person a month. It doesn't seem like a lot, but my free time is sparse. I will email and text more men than that, but when it comes to meeting, I have to narrow it down because again, I don't have the time. The back and forth emailing, messaging, and narrowing are the parts that take effort and time! Lol No, meeting 2-3 guys a month isn't a lot. But it isn't a little either. It's roughly going on one date every week and a half. Have you had a lot of bad dates? As other people have said, you just may need to take a break from trying to date. Or cut it down to going out with just one guy a month.
Potz4prez Posted May 16, 2014 Posted May 16, 2014 Not IRL. I have online, but no responses. Well, it's always an option Honestly, you shouldn't have to approach a guy. The ol' walk by him, maintain 2-3 seconds eye contact + smile should have him approaching you in no time.
SadNLonley Posted May 16, 2014 Posted May 16, 2014 Honestly, you shouldn't have to approach a guy. The ol' walk by him, maintain 2-3 seconds eye contact + smile should have him approaching you in no time. You think so huh??? I'll have to remember that.
Author michellew Posted May 16, 2014 Author Posted May 16, 2014 No, meeting 2-3 guys a month isn't a lot. But it isn't a little either. It's roughly going on one date every week and a half. Have you had a lot of bad dates? As other people have said, you just may need to take a break from trying to date. Or cut it down to going out with just one guy a month. I wouldn't call them bad dates, they just weren't for me. (Nothing in common, no chemistry, they were too nervous, brought out all the baggage on 1st date, or just plain oddballs). I've decided to take a break from OLD. Instead I'm going to meet guys the old fashioned way...by getting out there and trying new things! :-) My son is about to turn 17 and I'll have a lot more time for myself now that he's more independent and trustworthy. (I've raised him solo since I had him at age 18...another reason I think I'm still single. My focus has been on him and establishing a good life for us--going to college, buying a house, getting my masters, moving up the career ladder, etc, proving teen parenting statistics wrong. Lol) 1
giblesp Posted May 17, 2014 Posted May 17, 2014 It's really hard to meet quality single men where I live, so I started OLD about two years ago. (The bar scene gets old and even when you do go out, you see the same people anyway.) I've been on many dates through OLD and had a couple that led to exclusivity, but came to a hault around the 3 month mark. Anyway, my OLD subscription is about to expire and I don't think I want to renew it. I don't even want to date anymore period! I just can't handle another bad date, nor do I want to put the effort into dating anymore. Lol They say you find someone when you least expect it or stop looking. Has anyone actually experienced this? Yes definitely. And it can be harder for a man to meet someone then it is for a woman. I was completely focused on my work after a bad break up, and even turning down blatant offers of encounters from attractive women. Only something more serious and real was going to turn my head, and thats what happened. Very much when I least expected it or was looking for it.
MissBee Posted May 17, 2014 Posted May 17, 2014 I always meet men when I'm not looking, but it's never the "right" man. Ditto. When I'm not looking I meet lots of men but most of them aren't men I'd seriously date. I've met men quite randomly while out running errands, on the train, in the grocery store etc. and have had dates from it but they didn't really lead anywhere besides maybe one or two dates and that was that. Two of my relationships happened in the context that we didn't start out immediately as romantic interests (or maybe I was the one who didn't view them that way lol), but the rest, and any other relationship of significance seemed to come when I was looking. My current relationship came about because I was OLD, so clearly actively looking, but I certainly wasn't desperate and didn't really expect too much out of it actually and was pleasantly surprised that after a few weeks I ended up finding someone I wanted to see exclusively.
mortensorchid Posted May 17, 2014 Posted May 17, 2014 I think everyone says that, along with "I found it in the last place that you look" (if you're trying to find a physical object that you lost). I find myself getting bitter as time goes on, I see others who seem to just run away at all times or who don't have the guts to do something then suddenly they get them. What's that mean? I don't know. I guess it just happens when you least suspect it, that's true. Life changes when you least suspect it. Life will change again for the better or the worse, and that applies with this situation. 1
Leigh 87 Posted May 17, 2014 Posted May 17, 2014 (edited) I'm not "very attractive" but I don't stay single for long when I stop looking. It's mostly because I wear really out there, nice dresses. My dress sense stands out and guys come to compliment. I also think it's because I have a very curvy body type. There are always guys who go crazy for curvy gals.... Lastly: I think having very long hair helps. I always have very long hair that I wear out with my cute dresses. And SMILING. I have a nice smile and i tend to smile at a guy if he is waiting at the bus stop with me. Not an obvious "hey I am flirting with you" smile. Just a "I am a friendly woman who gives a brief smile to strangers". Edited May 17, 2014 by Leigh 87
PogoStick Posted May 17, 2014 Posted May 17, 2014 It's not the not looking part. It's the doing what makes you happy part. Focus on your skills, job, and hobbies; then have the right guy cross your path through those avenues that are important in your life. If you like volleyball. Meet a guy when playing in a league. Like music? Meet someone at a concert. Etc.
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