cupcakesluv92 Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 Hi, I was wondering if anyone can give me some advice on this matter. My bf hasn't spoken to me for 2 whole days now. I've been trying to call him but he won't answer his cell. Missed hearing his voice. Don't want him to continue being upset. Well this Monday was my day off as I have a weird and varying schedule sometimes and decided to go to a friend's party and later on meet my bf. Long story short, I drunk and somehow we started arguing. The drunk was about us not spending some more quality time together lately and a couple family issues. I guess since I was drunk, this gave me little time to think or even reason. What happened is I said some bad word (think it was f you) and then threw my drink in his face. It got silent and a couple mintutes later, he was no where to be seen. I was asking my friends for him and they said he left in his car. Later on, a couple friends of mine took me home. I wasn't going to be able to go all alone esp at a very late hour. Anyways, the following day I tried calling him and talk about other subjects but he wouldn't answer. I was just drunk that one time but I know my drinking limit now. Is he still going to be upset? We've known each other since our Junior year of HS (now we're both in our early 20's). I would hate for this to be over just because of this stupid one time mistake. I'm never this way, have never drank that much before and that's not my usual self at all.
Smilecharmer Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 I can imagine if you threw a drink in his face and told him FU that he is pretty upset and with good reason. You do understand how much even drunk words can hurt, right? You know you are culpable for your actions regardless of whether or not you were drunk or not, right? You owe him a deep apology and you need to rethink drinking if you are drinking to the point where you do things that are hurtful to your bf or anyone else. Getting so drunk that you are completely uninhibited sometimes results in us being complete jerks...don't be that girl. Own it, apologize to him and whomever you hurt and limit your drinking to two drinks every four to six hours depending on your weight. You can still have a buzz on two drinks and you are fun gf, not angry drunk and mean gf. Be remorseful and apologize to him. Don't make excuses for there are none for that kind of behavior. I know. I have been there due to using alcohol as a crutch when I was young and I would have done anything if I could take back some of the things I did or said. Regret is very real and can stay with you forever. It will be okay. You aren't a bad person, you just did a very bad thing and need to make amends. 5
Author cupcakesluv92 Posted May 15, 2014 Author Posted May 15, 2014 Yes, I'm going to write him on his email. I hope he can understand that wasn't my true self at that moment. The last thing I would want is to hurt him emotionally. I didn't mean to.
Smilecharmer Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 I know you didn't mean to...drunken mistakes are so very unnecessary. I hope it all works out for you, let us know. I know you are feeling miserable right now.
d0nnivain Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 In vino veritas -- in wine there is truth. It means that when you drink your guard comes down & out comes stuff you would have otherwise kept quiet about. I also suspect that it's more made about the actions then the words. Throwing a drink in someone's face is violent. He could probably get past some bad words but you probably sent him home because he knew that if he stayed around you in that state he would want to hit you back. 1
johnpatric Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 Have you tried to meet him?? if no then just try to meed him and ask him why he is doing this. or call him again and see if he will give you response or not if he will then try to meet him and talk him in person and if he will not give you response then just give him some space when he realize that whatever he is doing it is wrong then he will definitely contact you..
Lixxy Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 Other people have touched on the issue of throwing a drink at him. It is a serious thing, and something I'd say I wouldn't blame him for breaking it off with you altogether for. But this: The drunk was about us not spending some more quality time together lately and a couple family issues. You used alcohol to deal with your problems. That points to a huge problem and one that - if you're not aware of - could lead to future issues if you don't see big fault in that, as much as the act of throwing a drink at him. Relationships should be build on quality communication. If he isn't communicating with you, that is a big problem too, but if it results in you getting drunk, arguing with him, and abusing him, it will only repel him further away from you. 3
Author cupcakesluv92 Posted May 15, 2014 Author Posted May 15, 2014 Ok just got a reply back from him and he was upset. He stated he thinking things and felt assaulted when I threw my drink at him and he would be ready to discuss things and what I did by tomorrow. This part of his message really got me thinking: What do you think others would have thought about me if I were yelling in your face and threw my drink? Don't think to minimize this just because it was you that did it and not me.
whirl3daway Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 What do you think others would have thought about me if I were yelling in your face and threw my drink? Don't think to minimize this just because it was you that did it and not me. you know - he's totally right about that. what you did to him isn't good - it's abusive. is there abuse in your background (childhood/etc)? do you have family that have alcohol issues? I myself have both, and have been known to have some really crazy drunken abusive rages because of it. It takes a lot of booze to get me to that point, and although it stings, I just cannot drink that much anymore. I have to limit myself to 2-3 drinks if I go out, and no more than that. When I reach that "point of no return" - I do things like this. perhaps this is something you can think about. I know you said you've never done this before, but there is no guarantee that you won't do it again. if your boyfriend is willing to forgive you for this, you'll have to make some changes in your behavior. - cut down the drinking to a manageable level. - REALLY COMMUNICATE about these issues that you guys fought about. - do some therapy about why you react like this. - empathize with your boyfriend and truly see his point of view. you are a scary person to him right now. you'll have a lot of work to do to rebuild that trust. 1
PegNosePete Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 You have a lot of apologising to do Make it a good one! Seems he's going to give you the chance so thank your lucky stars and make it up to him
MissBee Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 To be honest cupcake, who you are as a drunk is very much who you are. Being drunk doesn't make you do things outside of yourself, it just releases your inhibitions so that you do things you otherwise try to suppress when sober. I have had my share of being tipsy and drunk and I've never done anything I wouldn't do. I cannot fathom throwing a drink in my bf's face because of being drunk, the thought horrifies me....I mean....if I did I wouldn't blame him for not seeing me anymore as I wouldn't see him either. If you're with someone who when they drink they "all of a sudden" become violent or extremely disrespectful....that in itself is a quality many people would rather not deal with. If your bf forgives you, you should get help to work out your issues without behaving in that way and maybe lay off the alcohol. 2
ThatMan Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 (edited) Drunkenness - The perfect excuse for bad behavior, right? Have you apologized yet? Did your email resemble this thread? I think that your apologies might need some refinement. You even titled the thread itself as, "I got drunk and my bf is still upset," but not I threw my drink at him or I publicly humiliated him. I even clicked on this thread completely expecting your boyfriend to be a buzzkill. The way you worded the title definitely gave me the impression that he was likely to be at fault somehow. Now I really need to ask: Are you able to understand why he might be upset even though it was a few days ago? Apologizes require searching within yourself for an understanding of how your actions are hurtful. We can sincerely apologize only if we truly mean it and understand the consequences of our actions. Blaming our actions on something else, such as being plastered, isn't an apology. There's no room for apology in blaming your spouse for still being upset or blaming the alcohol for what you've done. You cannot control how your boyfriend will react. All you may do is choose to apologize... or choose not to. Edited May 15, 2014 by ThatMan phone
stillafool Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 People drunk in public look disgusting, especially women. I'm sure your being drunk in itself turned your bf off. That coupled with the F you and then your drink thrown in his face is not something that he can easilly forget. You must have looked a sight! Very ugly, very, very ugly.
SJS Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 If my boyfriend ever got drunk...told me to F off and threw his drink at me...he would no longer be my boyfriend. Women like you make me cringe in 2014. He won't talk to you? BooHoo. Good for him. You are an immature brat. This. Being drunk is NO excuse. If you can't handle your liquor, don't drink... 1
Fluttershy Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 You were wrong He is wrong You need to work on this if you want to remain together. Do you really want someone who you have known for so long (not a new boyfriend) who instead of facing this head on goes away and sulks? Umm no. That is conflict avoidant. Does he usually avoid conflict? Walking out was probably good but by te next day he should have been ready to fully communicate. Unless there is more to this story than your telling. Also, alchohal doesn't just lower inhibitions. It does change behaviour too. It isn't always a window into the soul. That is just a myth because people hate it always being used as an excuse. It can do crazy things if you get to te point of posining to the brain. That is why people who can't hold their liquer should never drink. People who can do not understand this pf course and say all tthat crap about it being who you are and not having anything to do with your choice. 2
Babolat Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 You do understand how much even drunk words can hurt, right? You know you are culpable for your actions regardless of whether or not you were drunk or not, right?. Agreed, my ex gf never got this one. When she was drunk she was either super flirty, super sexual, super uninhibited, or, if we had a disagreement, she was super hurtful and said some pretty hateful things. She would blame being drunk and even sometimes tell me she did not remember what she said because she blacked out. Well, she is an ex gf now for a reason. Figure out if you have a drinking issue. 1
Babolat Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 I hope he can understand that wasn't my true self at that moment. . Or, was it? Something to think about. 1
ThatMan Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 People who can do not understand this of course and say all that crap about it being who you are and not having anything to do with your choice. This is why things can work out. The boyfriend can understand she's young and still learning how to drink responsibility. She can still apologize to express how important his feelings are to her, and that she understands these actions are just as hurtful with or without alcohol. I think your message is exactly why I had suspicions that the poor guy would be blamed for something, if not by the OP, then by somebody else like you. Conflict avoidance is the childish behavior of indirectly getting what you want. We're talking about passive-aggressiveness which needs no explanation. These antics might include those disappearing acts we're all familiar with. But stepping back, taking a deep breath, and processing what you'd want to do next might be the only mature way to handle a situation. The guy was humiliated. His relationships, some of which might actually be important to him, will now suffer because of that public display. He has every right to be angry and he could have impulsively reacted with anger then and there. Instead, oh I dunno, behaving the same way as his girlfriend by saying, "f*** you too," he took some space and now at least some dialog is going to be open. So yeah, I think you're wrong and he did the right thing. People do things out of anger all the time and come to regret it. Sulking around isn't the same as dealing with your own anger first, and then coming back to continue later. 1
gaius Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 Ok just got a reply back from him and he was upset. He stated he thinking things and felt assaulted when I threw my drink at him and he would be ready to discuss things and what I did by tomorrow. This part of his message really got me thinking: What do you think others would have thought about me if I were yelling in your face and threw my drink? Don't think to minimize this just because it was you that did it and not me. Guy sounds like a total whiner. Not the best choice of action what you did but I certainly get the emotion behind it. It's not the man who's supposed to be whining about not having enough quality time together.
janedoe67 Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 I guess one of my questions would be this: You said it was your first time getting drunk, so I assume you aren't some raging alcoholic, correct? Do you often curse at him and throw things at him, or is this liquid outburst a one time thing? It was rude, disrespectful, and mean. It IS a big deal. How is your overall relationship otherwise? I get the whole upset thing, but the "one screw up and you're gone" mentality sort of escapes me, maybe because I do not personally know anyone who is perfect.
dichotomy Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 If it was in public at a party - and others saw it. Then you disrespected him - and probably emasculated him a bit too. Hard to fix. If my gal did this in private it would be easier for her to make it up to me then if it was in front of others.
Lixxy Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 If my boyfriend ever got drunk...told me to F off and threw his drink at me...he would no longer be my boyfriend. Women like you make me cringe in 2014. He won't talk to you? BooHoo. Good for him. You are an immature brat. You hit the nail on the head! Actually swapping genders here highlights the severity of this. - If it were a man getting drunk to deal with his issues, throwing his drink at his girlfriend and telling her to f off, and then being sad because she isn't interested anymore, people would be up in arms, and rightly so. That guy would be labelled an a**hole, because he behaved like one.
bubbaganoosh Posted May 16, 2014 Posted May 16, 2014 You were wrong He is wrong You need to work on this if you want to remain together. Do you really want someone who you have known for so long (not a new boyfriend) who instead of facing this head on goes away and sulks? Umm no. That is conflict avoidant. Does he usually avoid conflict? Walking out was probably good but by te next day he should have been ready to fully communicate. Unless there is more to this story than your telling. Bull$h!t. She can't hold her booze and it's not bad enough she tells him "F" you but then doubles down on her stupidity and throws a drink in his face. So he leaves to avoid a conflict and has every right to be pissed of because of her ignorance and he's also wrong? He has every right to be pissed and if he needs a few days to cool off, then I think the guy is a whole lot better person than you do. At least when he's ready to talk to her, he would have calmed down and could be rational rather then go at her full bore with anger. If he needs a couple days or a week then so be it. I tip my hat to the guy for doing things a little more grown up which she should take a lesson.
bubbaganoosh Posted May 16, 2014 Posted May 16, 2014 I guess since I was drunk, this gave me little time to think or even reason. Got news for you sweetie. When your drunk, you do neither.
Recommended Posts