EvansR Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 So I've started yet another relationship with a girl I've known a few months now but only recently got to know on a romantic level, and she's great. But she has a personal grievance against me that when I compliment her, I say it outright and somehow we ended up in a big argument about it. She doesn't like that I'll just tell her "You're beautiful", she says (and I'll try be as close to verbatim as possible) "most guys don't feel the need to just come out with compliments to fill the time, they'll say it in sweet unexpected ways". I'm going out of my mind trying to think what to say to her next time I see her, because I think it's ridiculous to apologise for complimenting her, but what I'd like to know, without having to ask her myself is, what is she wanting me to do? How do you give a compliment unexpectedly without just randomly coming out with it? I want to tell her what I think about her, not just mask it in a sonnet or whatever (ok, I'm pretty sure that's not what she wants, but I'm sure you get the picture) Anyway, any advice you can give would be greatly received, you've all been so great helping me in the past. Kind regards
MissionPossible Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 Generally when a girl says that sort of thing, it means she thinks you're giving her compliments too often and as a result it's lessening the impact. It may also have something to do with insecurity on her part, but hard to tell by just an isolated incident like this. However often you're complimenting her, cut it down by 75%, and say it at the most unexpected moment possible. If she still complains, maybe consider finding a different girlfriend 3
Potz4prez Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 Imagine if someone continually complimented you on how smart you are... Even for the most mundane things like opening a door. It would get pretty annoying, no? Make her work for her compliments. 1
Author EvansR Posted May 15, 2014 Author Posted May 15, 2014 Thanks, I think I may have been overcompensating for under-complimenting in previous relationships. I'll tone it down a bit.
deathandtaxes Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 That's because 'you're beautiful' doesn't mean ****. It's a BS compliment. It lacks originality. It's like saying 'thanks for being born'. Why not get more specific? Why not 'I like what you did to your hair today'? Or 'those are some cute shoes'? A ****ing toddler can whip out the 'you're beautiful' compliment. Get creative! Pay attention!
Assasda Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 Dont compliment women. This isnt a Hollywood movie. Your Compliments mean nothing, when thery're not sincere. In real life, women dont like you blowing smoke up their ass. Youre very lucky to have a woman that will tell you this, and not just ignore you, and leave your ass, she must be a quality woman 1
mammasita Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 Kinda random, yes. Try integrating it into your conversations "good morning beautiful" instead of randomly out of dead silence "you're beautiful" lol
Author EvansR Posted May 15, 2014 Author Posted May 15, 2014 That's because 'you're beautiful' doesn't mean ****. It's a BS compliment. It lacks originality. It's like saying 'thanks for being born'. Why not get more specific? Why not 'I like what you did to your hair today'? Or 'those are some cute shoes'? A ****ing toddler can whip out the 'you're beautiful' compliment. Get creative! Pay attention! Whoa! Calm down, I didn't run her mother down with my car, I told her she's beautiful! And it's not as sterile as I make it seem, I don't just out of the blue say "You're beautiful", I compliment her when the moment arises - integrated into the conversation, not just out of the blue - she just thinks I do that too much.
deathandtaxes Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 Whoa! Calm down, I didn't run her mother down with my car, I told her she's beautiful! And it's not as sterile as I make it seem, I don't just out of the blue say "You're beautiful", I compliment her when the moment arises - integrated into the conversation, not just out of the blue - she just thinks I do that too much. Just trying to rattle you a bit and make you think a bit differently about the words you choose. So just listen to her and don't do it at all.
soccerrprp Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 EvansR, Women know, after some time, that you think they are beautiful. She knows. There's no need to over-verbalize it. The fact of the matter is that you're with a woman who isn't as impressed with such constant compliments. There are plenty who would be. I'm dating a woman that doesn't need to be complimented frequently. I tell and show her how much I am attracted to her in other ways...and frequently, but sometimes the too frequent verbalization can be tiresome and loses its significance after a while. 1
Phantom888 Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 Wait a minute. I compliment my woman all the time and she loves it. She is genuinely beautiful with the bluest eyes and incredible smile. I always ask her, "honey why are you so darn beautiful?" and she smiles. I feel genuinely lucky to have a woman like her. I think when they sense you are sincere, then compliments are welcomed. IMHO.
deathandtaxes Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 How about this OP? Words are worth ****. Actions have value. Take that to heart. I could tell a lady all day long she's beautiful. But what if she really wants me to take the garbage out? How are my compliments helping any? The world is complicated. 1
Chocolat Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 I like it better when my guy compliments me specifically rather than generally. For instance, I'd rather hear, "You have gorgeous green eyes" or "I love how soft your skin is" than just "You're beautiful." I also hate it when the guy calls me beautiful as a name (Hello Beautiful, etc.). This seems so impersonal, somehow. But... I am not your gf so the real trick is to tap into what she likes to hear. 1
Chocolat Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 How about this OP? Words are worth ****. Actions have value. Take that to heart. I could tell a lady all day long she's beautiful. But what if she really wants me to take the garbage out? How are my compliments helping any? The world is complicated. Now you're getting in love languages stuff. You're advocating acts of service whereas the OP is giving words of affirmation. Gotta figure out what this woman wants. 1
ChooseTruth Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 "Hey gorgeous, how's it going?" Looking into her eyes: "Your eyes are beautiful" She sends you a sexy photo: "HOT!!!!" She compliments you, compliment her back(be specific). Just some ideas that have worked for me just recently (new GF! ) I tend to compliment whenever I find myself ogling or straight up drooling over her...might as well let her know what you are thinking in that sincere moment. But yeah not too often, it can definitely get watered down after a while in a long term relationship. I'm still in the really early phases so we are pretty generous with the compliments ^^
Author EvansR Posted May 15, 2014 Author Posted May 15, 2014 You're all giving some really creative advice and I appreciate it. I think I should qualify something though. We're currently seeing each other once a week because of current work commitments, so we talk a lot by text. It's hard for me to perform an action when words are all that are at my disposal. Well, unless I go down the avenue of sending her stuff while we're apart but I don't want to be that guy.
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