The girl i like has a Boyfriend already... what should i do

[Alias128]

She's taken...

 

But that doesn't stop me from liking her.

 

 

I'm in college now and i met this girl at a friends party. She is a friend's(<=that one is a girl too) friend. At the party, me and a couple of her friends and a couple of my friends left teh main party to a room to have some fun on our own, not too sexual... nothing past second base.

Normally, with the way things were going, it woud have ended up in a relationship, but she has a boyfriend already.

 

She has been with him for about 8 years. I dont know anything more about them because we never talk about that. It's one think I like to avoid. I havent seen her since that night, but we are going out to a local bar on thursday night (we cant go any other day because thursdays are normally the only days 18 and up, she is 21, but i'm only 18). When we talk on the internet, we have a great time. when we talk on the phone, the only think we are doing is laughing and having a ball. 30 minutes seems like 5. We have been making plans for trips and such together for the near future. We are going to go snowboarding soon, which will most likely stay at a hotel for one night.

 

On AIM, she has given me hints that i'm on her mind. She told me that because her boyfriend called her and then i asked her what she was doing over the weekend. she said her boyfriend was coming up. it was a little silent then, but she said said that i would be on her mind when her bf was there.

 

I'm thinking that thing are going well with her relationship with her boyfriend, but i also think that maybe because of the fact that she has been with him since she was 13(which means he is most likely the only guy she has ever been with), that she saw me, had a blast, and is second guessing her relationship with her bf because of me.

 

I honestly dont know what to do. I've never had this problem in the past, but so many things about her turn me on that i cant just stay being friends with her forever.

[Devildog]

Why don't you try having some honor and integrity and leave her alone. Someone who is in a long term relationship should be off limits. If she decides she doesn't want a relationship with her BF anymore for legitimate reasons that is one thing. But ending a relationship because she started fooling around with someone else is a different story.

 

But you won't listen to this advice. You are just looking for advice on how to get her to leave her BF.

 

No advice here, just a warning. How faithful do you expect her to be to you? She leaves another guy for you, what makes you think she won't dump you when someone else comes along. Sure, it is different with you right? 9 months from now when she has left you for another guy, come back here and re-read this post.

[dd1463]

You guys just met, I would give it sometime… see where things lead between your dates, if **** doesn’t fly, forget her and find your self another fish.

[Proto]

Yeah man, she's off limits. She has a boyfriend and you gotta respect that...otherwise you're not respecting her. Oh, and if I knew some little twerp was constantly hitting on my girlfriend, knowing that she's with me...I'd pull him aside and warn him ONCE to stay away from her and get lost. The second time? His ass would have a broken leg.

 

 

I'm almost CERTAIN that's how her boyfriend is feeling right now, so I'd watch myself if I were you.

[Alias128]

Originally posted by Devildog

Why don't you try having some honor and integrity and leave her alone. Someone who is in a long term relationship should be off limits. If she decides she doesn't want a relationship with her BF anymore for legitimate reasons that is one thing. But ending a relationship because she started fooling around with someone else is a different story.

 

But you won't listen to this advice. You are just looking for advice on how to get her to leave her BF.

 

No advice here, just a warning. How faithful do you expect her to be to you? She leaves another guy for you, what makes you think she won't dump you when someone else comes along. Sure, it is different with you right? 9 months from now when she has left you for another guy, come back here and re-read this post.

 

Well, I have thought of that. And for now, I know that all i can me for her is a great friend. I'm just concerned that since she has been with him for 8 years, and that he is the only guy she has ever been with, that maybe she doesnt know if her relationship with him is the best it can be. Most of all, i just want to make sure that her relationship with him has is what she really wants out of a relationship. When we are chatting, we have a little too much fun. When we are together, we go a little farther than we should. Maybe she is getting bored with her current relationship and she wants to enjoy her life a little more. I really dont know! All i know is that if she stays with him, i want her to be happy. I want to make sure that her relationship with him isn't a mistake.

 

You guys just met, I would give it sometime… see where things lead between your dates, if **** doesn’t fly, forget her and find your self another fish.

 

I'm planning on that. I'm going out with her on thursday night to a bar, so that should be fun. Plus, everytime i go to a party i will call her and tell her about it and see if she wants to come.

 

 

 

 

I just want to say that normally i would just stay friends with the girl under if i just fooled around with her, but we are just having too much fun to let it go so easily like that.

[DinNJ]

you've got other motives... quit kiddin' yourself....

[Alias128]

Originally posted by Proto

Yeah man, she's off limits. She has a boyfriend and you gotta respect that...otherwise you're not respecting her. Oh, and if I knew some little twerp was constantly hitting on my girlfriend, knowing that she's with me...I'd pull him aside and warn him ONCE to stay away from her and get lost. The second time? His ass would have a broken leg.

 

 

I'm almost CERTAIN that's how her boyfriend is feeling right now, so I'd watch myself if I were you.

 

we just met, and i know she is "off limits"...for now anyways. i'm just thinking that maybe she should spend a little time apart from her bf and see what happens between us.

 

most likely we will just become very good friends, but i cant help but wonder what would happen if it was more than that...

[Alias128]

Originally posted by DinNJ

you've got other motives... quit kiddin' yourself....

 

if i cant have her, i want to make sure the right person does.

 

i'm not kidding myself

[Devildog]

I keep hearing "I know she is off limits........for now" from you. It sounds like you have every intention of doing everything you can to make her doubt her current relationship, and if you destroy that you will be on her like white on rice. Or more appropriately, stink on s***.

 

You act like you are just trying to be her friend, but you want her for yourself. You want more than friends. You can't honestly be just a friend. You have no honor, no integrity.

 

Leave her alone. If she decides she is unhappy in her current relationship for her own reasons, fine. But if she leaves because YOU encouraged her for your own selfish reasons, you are a piece of garbage. You don't invite her into "dating situations" with you.

[Numb]

I'll tell you what bro, my girlfreind just did this to me and the only thing that keep me from beating the life out of this guy is because she lied to him about me, so he did not know I was even around but he found out down the road though and he's still walking funny.

 

Think about it pal, most guys live to beat the crap out of people like you. Leave it alone and walk away if she leaves him fine but until then walk away.

[Alias128]

Originally posted by Devildog

I keep hearing "I know she is off limits........for now" from you. It sounds like you have every intention of doing everything you can to make her doubt her current relationship, and if you destroy that you will be on her like white on rice. Or more appropriately, stink on s***.

 

You act like you are just trying to be her friend, but you want her for yourself. You want more than friends. You can't honestly be just a friend. You have no honor, no integrity.

 

Leave her alone. If she decides she is unhappy in her current relationship for her own reasons, fine. But if she leaves because YOU encouraged her for your own selfish reasons, you are a piece of garbage. You don't invite her into "dating situations" with you.

 

just want to say one thing...

 

i didnt invite her into the "dating situation", she is the one that asked me to go to the bar with her.

 

and your partly corrent, i would like to be more than just friends, but it doesnt mean we will be. if she ever breaks up with her boyfriend for any reason, i dont want to just catch her on the rebound, i would make it clear that we aren't going to do anything without the "mending time" to finish... i dont want her on the rebound, those relationships never end well

 

Im really looking for a long term relationship but im trying to start small, find new friends, and if I find one and we become interested in each other then great, Im all for it, but i'm really not looking for sex, sex comes after all the other stuff, you can't have a long term relationship based on sex or physical attraction, you really do have to be friends ultimately for a relationship to work. I'm just a good friend to her now, but if anything goes wrong, i want to make it known that I want to try things out with her, but I will not have sex with her until a month or 2 after she possibly breaks up with her boyfriend. it just wouldnt feel right to do that.

[DinNJ]

bro... you're not gonna win any arguements here. Forget it. Half, if not, more then half the people on this forum have lost their SO to someone else and are more then prepared to SHI$ on you for even mentioning that you are interested in someone else's girl.

 

They've been together for 8 years... God bless them. Stay out of it.

 

There are a billion girls out there, half of which are single.... find one.

[Devildog]

Originally posted by Alias128

i didnt invite her into the "dating situation", she is the one that asked me to go to the bar with her.

 

Really???

 

Originally posted by Alias128

Plus, everytime i go to a party i will call her and tell her about it and see if she wants to come.

 

 

and your partly corrent, i would like to be more than just friends, but it doesnt mean we will be. if she ever breaks up with her boyfriend for any reason, i dont want to just catch her on the rebound, i would make it clear that we aren't going to do anything without the "mending time" to finish... i dont want her on the rebound, those relationships never end well

 

You aren't going to be a rebound guy, because you will already be in the BF position when you have destroyed her current relationship.

 

Im really looking for a long term relationship but im trying to start small, find new friends, and if I find one and we become interested in each other then great, Im all for it, but i'm really not looking for sex, sex comes after all the other stuff, you can't have a long term relationship based on sex or physical attraction, you really do have to be friends ultimately for a relationship to work. I'm just a good friend to her now, but if anything goes wrong, i want to make it known that I want to try things out with her, but I will not have sex with her until a month or 2 after she possibly breaks up with her boyfriend. it just wouldnt feel right to do that.

 

Oh, what a gentleman you are. You are willing to wait a month or two to get in her pants after you destroy a long term relationship. I'll call the folks at Time magazine and nominate you for "Man of the Year".

[Devildog]

Originally posted by DinNJ

bro... you're not gonna win any arguements here. Forget it. Half, if not, more then half the people on this forum have lost their SO to someone else and are more then prepared to SHI$ on you for even mentioning that you are interested in someone else's girl.

 

They've been together for 8 years... God bless them. Stay out of it.

 

There are a billion girls out there, half of which are single.... find one.

 

Yeah, he is right. A piece of crap decided he was going to destroy my eight year relationship, 5 years of marriage, and oh yeah, my 3 year old daughter's entire world because, just like you, he was a selfish jerk who could care less about anyone else's happiness. He was going to take what he wanted without regard to how many other lives he destroyed.

 

Don't expect any sympathy.

[Hund1976]

You should just be honest and say that you like this girl and want her to break up with her boyfriend so you can have a shot at her.

I wouldn't say this is 100% your fault though, the girl is also being pretty shady. A person shouldn't say stuff like "I'll be thinking about you while I'm hanging out with my boyfriend this weekend" if they really care about their boyfriend.

I feel really sorry for the boyfriend in this situation. He's just sitting there unaware what his girlfriend is up to.

[Cecelius]

I agree with the morality of pursuing her.

 

Seems like you are passed that. You may be dressing it up as what's best for her or something like that.

 

It was said above, but she's 21, from my age she's still in that young, experimental age, and probably moreso since she's been with this guy since age 13. Actually, she may be a pretty weak person if she's been with him that long.

 

I think you could go far in working on her confusion and immaturity -- you already got her to cheat on him.

 

The question is, how long before your confused, experimental honey is getting to second base with someone else?

[Vepo]

Alias128 all your doing is asking for trouble. If I was this girls boyfriend and I found out you were trying to hit on her ... well just use your imagination and think what would happen to you. For them to be together for 8 years I think she knows him good enough to keep the relationship going. It doesn't matter if this is her first boyfriend, it doesn't mean you have the right to try and break them up because you think she will be better off with you then she is currently with her boyfriend.

 

Leave the girl alone like many people have already said.

 

A word of warning jealous boyfriends mixed with anger over the thought off a relationship breaking up is a mixture for something that will end in blood shed. Trust me I've been there.

[Grinning Maniac]

I've never been on either side of this kind of situation, and it still leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

 

This is why opposite sex friendships just don't work, unless there's absolutely *no* attraction on either side. If a girl tells you she has a lot of guy friends, you should worry a little bit and keep your eyes open. Your girl may be trustworthy, but more than likely, there's someone like this fool hanging around, circling overhead like a vulture, just waiting for something to die so he can take advantage of the free meat. Pathetic.

 

Alias, you are so full of crap... You are not her friend. Stop saying you are, because it's not true and no one here is buying it. You met her at some party and made out with her. Wow, I bet you think of her as a sister...a sister you'd enjoy banging. What a joke. At no point in time have you EVER been a plutonic friend to her in ANY sense of the word. You are just some guy who wants to be with her, but hasn't succeeded yet. Stop lying to yourself. Even if she decided to stay with the boyfriend and stop "having fun" with you, you still wouldn't be her friend. You'd probably agree to being her friend, and you'd fade into the background a little. But you'd still be circling overhead. You'd flirt with her every now and then, gain her trust, maybe give her some well-placed advice (read: doubts) concerning her relationships, and all the while just biding your time. The minute she became single, expressed renewed interest in you, or just became sad and "vulnerable", you'd be all over her. This is so textbook.

 

You're a weasel. Just come to terms with it, ok? Your concern about the quality of her relationship is PURELY self-motivated. You want her to be happy...because you think she would be happy with YOU. Your actions have nothing to do with any sort of genuine, unselfish concern for her happiness. You are far from doing anything "noble". Stop dressing up turds to look like Hershey's Kisses.

 

Would it really be so hard for you to just forget about her and find someone who's single? Nothing good will come out of this. First off, are you really nieve enough to believe that even if you eventually snatched this girl from her boyfriend, she wouldn't ever cheat on you? She's known this guy at least 8 years, even longer if they were friends beforehand. If she can betray him after knowing him for so long...what would make her be any more loyal to someone who she doesn't have even half the amount of history with?

 

"We have been making plans for trips and such together for the near future. We are going to go snowboarding soon, which will most likely stay at a hotel for one night."

 

I love this. Not only are you getting involved with someone who's attached, you're putting yourself in situations where any moron could figure out what's going on if they ask the right questions. You have to be either very stupid or very confident of yourself.

 

The issue of the boyfriend is something you REALLY need to think about. You admit that you don't know ANYTHING about him. For all you know, he could be a sadistic black belt who loves breaking people's fingers for fun, and has a soft spot when it comes to his woman. If this guy finds out what you've been up to, he may very well hunt your ass down. Let's add this up:

 

1) You don't know anything about this guy's physical attributes, mental stability, or fighting experience.

 

2) He's almost certainly several years older than you. The girl's 21 years old. Women tend to date older guys.

 

3) Even if you don't know him, if he finds out what she's doing, you can bet that he'll eventually know YOU. What makes you think she'd be so unlikely to give up your name if she gets caught and decides to stay with him? She doesn't know you that well. Are you reeeeally confident she'd protect you, if it came down to choosing between you or him?

 

4) If he attends the same university, or even if he doesn't, he likely has friends. Friends that might be down for helping him do a hospital job on you. Even if you get lucky and the boyfriend isn't a violent psycho and he just walks away...you still don't know about his friends. How do you know he doesn't have some close friend who'll hold you responsible for his friend's heartbreak and show you the business end of a baseball bat? Some friends are like that.

 

5) This is college. If someone decides they're coming after you, what then? Mommy and Daddy aren't around anymore to tell those mean kids to stop chasing their son with the SUV. You're on your own.

 

It doesn't sound like you've thought this through very well. Considering all of the above, is this even really worth the trouble it could cause you? There are too many factors in this situation that you have no control over. Besides, you're in college now. There are TONS of women in college. You need to be more selective, for the benefit of all parties involved. I'd advise you to just stay far away from this girl and hope she's good at keeping secrets.

 

[color=darkred]PS: Since this thread is amusing me, I'm once again offering to start up a LS Betting Pool. I'm completely serious, as always. The question is this: Provided he ignores our advice (which happens fairly often), and provided he keeps us up to speed on his situation, on what specific day this year do you think it will all go wrong? You can also take a free guess on what exactly crumbles the cookie, if you want to. The boyfriend beats him up? The girl gets bored with him? Be creative.

 

Five bucks a head, closest date wins, and losers each pay up an extra dollar if the winner correctly guessed the final outcome. Winnings paid through Paypal. So who's feeling lucky? Any brave souls? [/color]

[nattfodd]

If this girl had a ring on her finger, would you leave her alone? I would. She may not have a ring on her finger, but she is dedicated to another man. I would back off in respect, and say that you do the same.