drifter777 Posted May 16, 2014 Posted May 16, 2014 If I'd wanted to hurt him more, why would I stay with him? That's just dumb. Seeing how much he hurt is a lot of what brought me back to reality after DDay. During the A, I had no idea what a big deal it would be. I never in a million years imagined how much it would hurt him. No, it's not dumb when the WS is intentionally trying to cause more pain to their BS. I wasn't relating to you or your story. I understand that you have told your husband absolutely everything about your sex with OM. In general there is no way you - or any WW - could possibly convince me that you have been completely open about details that cannot possibly be verified. No one can ever see inside your head so if you thought it was absolutely mind-blowing sex - much better than you've ever had with your H - why would you go out of your way to twist the knife into his heart with that information? Of course this doesn't apply to you and your H because you've told him absolutely everything. But most WW's would choose to take some of the details to their grave.
compulsivedancer Posted May 17, 2014 Posted May 17, 2014 (edited) No, it's not dumb when the WS is intentionally trying to cause more pain to their BS. I wasn't relating to you or your story. I understand that you have told your husband absolutely everything about your sex with OM. In general there is no way you - or any WW - could possibly convince me that you have been completely open about details that cannot possibly be verified. No one can ever see inside your head so if you thought it was absolutely mind-blowing sex - much better than you've ever had with your H - why would you go out of your way to twist the knife into his heart with that information? Of course this doesn't apply to you and your H because you've told him absolutely everything. But most WW's would choose to take some of the details to their grave. There are probably things I've left out, though not intentionally. I know there were a few times when H asked me something and I said "are you sure you really want these details? If he said no, I didn't tell him." But he knows the gist. He knows what I enjoyed and what I didn't. He knows what made things exciting for me with OM and what didn't really do anything for me. Obviously I tried to say things in the least hurtful way, although I can be a but dense and frank at times, so there are times I utterly failed. It IS a conundrum. If I tell the truth, I'll be pointlessly hurting him, but if I hold back the truth, I am lying by omission (or minimizing/trickle-truthing), which is supposed to be one of the most harmful things you can do in R. Besides, if there were things I didn't like, he'll never believe me anyway because it's unverifiable. I think the key is that there is always good and bad. I told him both. There were some things that I really liked and some things I did not. I told him both, and never used the word "mind-blowing." Edited May 17, 2014 by compulsivedancer
road Posted May 17, 2014 Posted May 17, 2014 A WW lying about the sex with the OM does not help the BH. Better for the truth to come out about the affair sex and that preventing the recovery and has the BH file for divorce. That is better then the BH continuing to live a lie for the rest of his life with his WW. Whether the sex was better just because of the rush that it was affair sex or that the OM was better equipped, skilled or both, or and the WW did more with the OM then the BH. Left in the dark the BH, outside of not being able to overcome size of equipment short comings, can never take steps to out do the OM. Or get to know that he finally got better then the OM got. Women are talkers. Men respond to action. A WW giving the whole truth about the affair is taking action. So is the WW giving to the BH whatever she gave to the OM. So is the WW communicating with her BH so that the BH can up his performance. 1
xtymorgan Posted May 28, 2014 Posted May 28, 2014 I know how you feel. My H is currently having an EA with some whore he met on FB who KNOWS he's married...don't get me started. My point is, he tells me they are not having sex but I don't believe him. I found a text a week or so ago on his phone wherein he professed his love for her. Now, you mean to tell me that they're "in love" and not having sex? Please! I, too, want to know what will make the images go away. I keep imagining them having sex and it makes me sick to my stomach. I've lost 15 pounds already cuz I can't eat over this! Everyone pretty much says "time". Well...how much frickin time because I don't know how much longer I can put up with these images in my head. It's not just the sex act. It's the kissing and holding that is almost worse than the sex in my opinion. I know I wasn't much help. Just wanted you to know you're not the only one.
waterwoman Posted May 30, 2014 Posted May 30, 2014 I have never had that problem. I normally have a very active imagination but for some reason no mind movies. I beleived that he beleived he was in love with her and that she made hiim feel good. I beleived that he did what he did inspite of the fact that it was a betrayal that he thought I wouldn't find out about. That was enough.
Author tornapart2002 Posted May 31, 2014 Author Posted May 31, 2014 God I really hope this will be true for me, I have to struggle constantly with images of the 2 of them.. I'm really sorry for your pain. How are you doing? Any better?
Author tornapart2002 Posted May 31, 2014 Author Posted May 31, 2014 I have never had that problem. I normally have a very active imagination but for some reason no mind movies. I beleived that he beleived he was in love with her and that she made hiim feel good. I beleived that he did what he did inspite of the fact that it was a betrayal that he thought I wouldn't find out about. That was enough. You're lucky to not have them. most of the time I don't. Just once in awhile and when I do it is intense. It's so much better whenI don't look at her social media pages or dwell on it. It's why I had been doing that and doing better. Just have to get back on that wagon. My WH thought I wouldn't find out either. He was a spineless ass...andhe knows it.
waterwoman Posted May 31, 2014 Posted May 31, 2014 Aha! I never use social media so maybe that helps.
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